Fic - I Wept Not [6/24]
Jan. 27th, 2012 10:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arcadianmaggieSummary: Jasper is a war weary soldier burdened by the weight of eternity. Edward is an uncomplicated high school student content to hide his sexuality. Together can Jasper find something to live for and Edward discover some things are worth dying for? AU, slash.
Chapter 5 | Masterpost
"It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed."
- Billy Collins, "On Turning Ten," l. 28-32
Chapter 6 – The Sidewalks of Life
EPOV
After Homecoming, Bella and I were firmly established as Forks High's latest couple. We were the center of attention and the subject of the latest gossip for about a day before things settled back to normal. We continued our whispered conversations during Biology and sat together at lunch, with the only difference being that Bella sat next to me instead of Mike and Mike began focusing his flirtatious charms on Jessica who gave him a far better response than Bella ever had.
I had worried that things would be awkward between us after our kiss—well, it was actually far more than a kiss—but they weren't. Bella and I were just as comfortable with each other as we had always been. In fact, we'd made out several more times since that night, usually after I dropped her off after we joined the gang for a movie, or after a game or something. It was a lot of fun; we both enjoyed having someone to practice on. We'd also taken to holding hands when we walked to class together. To outside eyes, we appeared to be an actual couple, but Bella and I knew that we were just friends.
When football season ended, I finally got to spend the time more time with Mike after school. Our baseball coach started our strength conditioning in winter, so we'd be ready when spring rolled around. I'd meet Mike in the weight room and we'd spot each other as we lifted. I heard way more than I ever wanted to hear about Mike and Jessica's sexual exploits, but for those afternoons it was me he was spending time with, me he was touching as he knelt on my feet as I did crunches, me he was talking to and smiling at and joking around with.
I loved watching his muscles ripple as he worked out. He was stronger than I was, but I was faster. He'd lie on weight bench with his arms over his head; his shirt would ride up and expose the skin at his waist, a small trail of hair disappearing into his shorts. His skin still held a slight tan somehow, all golden and beautiful, and I just wanted to run my tongue across it. When he'd lift the weights off the stand, he'd grunt and his neck would strain and I'd imagine that's what he'd look and sound like if he were bending over me. It was the sweetest torture. After our workout, I'd go home to shower so I could jack off to images of Mike, hot and straining and covered in sweat.
In December Mr. Banner finally assigned us our take home Biology project. It was a nice chunk of our grade, so I knew we'd be spending a good bit of time on it. If I hadn't seen so much of Mike lately, I might have felt resentful again of having Bella as my partner instead of him, but I knew the project would be easy to get done with her and I did like hanging out together. We arranged to get started Thursday after school at my house, since I didn't have training that day.
Once we settled on a topic and divvied up the responsibility, we decided to pop in a movie. Mom had called to tell me she and Dad were both going to be late tonight and I could either thaw some leftovers out of the freezer or order a pizza for dinner. Pizza it was! I asked Bella if she wanted to stay and she agreed since her Dad was still at work. I grabbed a couple of Cokes and brought them back into the family room while we waited for the pizza to arrive.
Once we had pigged out, Bella collapsed back on the coach, holding her hand over her stomach, groaning.
"Ugh, I can't believe I ate so much. I'm stuffed. I wish I was wearing my sweats," she said as she popped the button at the waistband of her jeans.
"Bella, seriously. You don't have to get naked for me just because I fed you. What kind of guy do you think I am, anyway?"
"The asshole kind, apparently," she countered smoothly. "If I wasn't too full to move, I'd reach over and smack the shit out of you."
"Kinky!" I grinned, wagging my eyebrows at her.
"Shut up and put the movie back on," she demanded. "I need to just sit here and digest for a few minutes."
There were only about 15 minutes left of the movie. Once it was over, I turned to Bella and asked, "So you wanna make out for a while before my parents get home?"
"Sure," she answered with a grin. "But you'll have to come over here. I still can't move."
I crawled over to where she was sitting on the couch and straddled her legs with my knees. I placed my hands on either side of her head, bracing myself against the cushions on the back of the couch. I leaned over and kissed her, pressing my lips against hers and running my tongue softly along her bottom lip. Her own tongue came out taste mine then she pulled away, humming with a smile, "Mmmmm. Pepperoni. You taste delicious."
I laughed softly and ran my tongue along her jaw up to her ear. I sucked the lobe into my mouth, then snaked my tongue around the shell of her ear, ending with an open mouthed kiss on the side of her neck, flicking my tongue lightly against the skin before gently pressing my teeth into her. I felt her shiver slightly. After our several make-out sessions, we had both started to learn what felt the best. I looked forward to the day when I could try out all my new knowledge on a guy.
"Mmm. You taste delicious too," I told her.
She reached out to pull me back to her mouth and her fingers slipped under my shirt. Her hands felt wonderful against my skin as she ran them up and down my sides. I imagined what they would feel like if they were rougher and larger and stronger. If they were Mike's.
Our kisses grew more intense as we explored each other's mouths. She removed her hands from underneath my shirt and gripped my thighs, running them up and down in circles, her thumbs grazing closer and closer to my crotch with each pass. I could feel my dick getting harder as her hands teased me with their nearness.
I leaned over to kiss her neck again, sucking gently on the skin and licking and nibbling under her jaw. She moaned and arched her head back, tilting her pelvis up underneath me. I felt her hand leave my thigh then she placed it right over my erection, giving it a small squeeze through my jeans. I groaned and panted into her neck as my hips jerked into her hand. I reached my hand down to grab her wrist.
"What are you doing, Bella," I whispered into her neck.
"I'm touching you," she whispered back. "Doesn't it feel good?"
Of course it felt good. Her hand was squeezing my dick. "Fuck yes it does," I said, pulling back to look her in the eyes. She just stared back at me. "We should stop, Bella. This isn't right." We had never gone this far before. Experimenting with kissing was one thing, but if we were going to go further than that, we should probably talk about it first.
"Why not?" she asked, giving me another squeeze. God that felt good. "We're not hurting anyone."
And when she stroked me again through my jeans, I couldn't remember why we shouldn't be doing this. She was right. We weren't hurting anyone. We were just trying out what felt good on each other. I let go of her wrist.
She rubbed back and forth over my erection and I closed my eyes, loving the feeling of her hand on my cock.
"Can I see it?" she whispered shyly.
"You want to look at my dick?" I asked her, getting even harder at the thought.
"Yes. I've never seen one before. Please, Edward?"
I leaned back, looking into her eyes for a moment before making my decision. I reached for my jeans, unbuttoning them and pulling the zipper down. I pushed the waistband of my boxer briefs down and freed my erection. It stood straight and proud between us.
I watched Bella as she stared at my massive hard on.
"It's pretty," she said, her voice slightly tinged with awe.
I snorted.
"I didn't expect it to be so big," she said next. Now that was more like it. She looked up at me. "Can I touch it?"
God, was she trying to kill me? "Yes, you can touch it," I choked out.
She reached out her hand tentatively and ran it softly up my length. I sucked in a breath as my dick bobbed in reaction to her touch.
"It's so soft," she whispered, as she ran her hand up and down me again, caressing the underside then circling her fingers around me and giving me a long stroke.
I grabbed her wrist again. She looked up at me in surprise. "Did I do it wrong? Didn't that feel good?"
"Yes, that felt good," I said, my voice straining. "You're going to make me come, Bella."
"Really?" she asked in an excited voice. "Can I watch?"
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath then I opened them to look at her. I gave her a nod, letting go of her wrist.
She smiled then reached out her hand to circle me again, giving me another long slow stroke. She brought her other hand to join the first and wrapped it around my head.
"It's sticky," she said curiously. I just nodded, not trusting myself to speak. As many times as I had jacked off, it was nothing compared to the sensation of having someone else's hands on my dick. I didn't really care right then that it was a girl touching me; it just felt good. Really good.
I reached my hands down to cover hers, showing her what I liked, moving one hand to stroke my balls and running my thumb across my head with the other hand, spreading the pre-cum over me. She watched intently as I stroked up and down, flicking my wrist as I came to the head. After studying my movements for a few minutes, she pushed my hands away and continued to stroke me. My hips were starting to thrust in time to her movements and my breathing was becoming labored as I tried to control my reaction.
I could feel my balls tightening and a familiar tingling in my belly. My entire body felt like it was on fire. "I'm going to come, Bella," I panted.
She continued with her movements as if she hadn't heard me, stroking and touching and caressing my cock. I leaned back and cried out as I exploded in her hand, thick streams of cum shooting onto my belly. Again and again I pulsed in pleasure, my cries continuing until I was spent.
I collapsed forward towards Bella, taking her lips in a passionate kiss, biting her bottom lip gently as I came down from my high. She pulled away and nuzzled my face. I could tell she was smiling. "Thanks, Edward," she said.
I choked out a laugh. "Shouldn't I be thanking you?" I gasped, still trying to catch my breath.
Finally, I was able to lean back and look at her. She was grinning as she stared back at me. "That was insanely hot," she declared in a low voice.
"Yeah?" I asked, smiling back.
"Oh yeah," she said with conviction.
By the time my parents got home I had changed my shirt and cleaned up and we were both sitting on the couch munching on popcorn while a movie played.
When Christmas break rolled around, Bella and I made plans to meet on Monday, so we could work on our project together. That Sunday evening, my Dad took me into his office for a talk.
"Son," he began and I knew what was coming. He usually called me by my name unless he was about to impart Dad wisdom. "You know how proud of you your Mother and I are."
I nodded, inwardly steeling myself for the discomfort that would soon follow.
"You know we trust you to make good decisions. We could have arranged to have you stay with someone this week while we're at work, but you know we both think you're old enough to be home by yourself.
"I just want to make sure that you're clear on the rules and what your Mother and I expect.
"It's fine to have Bella over to work on your project, but you are under no circumstances to have sex under our roof."
I could feel my face turning red. This was torture.
"Geez, Dad. Bella and I aren't having sex!" I blurted out, trying to end this conversation as soon as possible. Hand jobs didn't count.
"Well, that's good to know, son," my Dad acknowledged. "But I was a seventeen year old boy once and I wouldn't be doing my job as a Father if I didn't have this talk with you."
He reached inside his desk drawer and pulled out a box. "When you do decide to have sex, and I hope it's far, far into the future, I want you to promise me that you'll be safe." Then he handed me a box of condoms. Could someone die from embarrassment?
"I promise," I choked out, taking the box. "Are we done now?"
"We're done," he answered. He looked as relieved as I was that this conversation was over.
The next day Bella arrived around 10AM and after we worked on our project for a few hours, we took a break for some lunch. I made us a couple of sandwiches and we sat at the counter of the kitchen island to eat.
I brought up my embarrassing conversation with my Dad last night. "My Dad gave me the talk last night," I laughed. "Under no circumstances are we allowed to have sex under their roof. God, it was so embarrassing. I looked like you I was blushing so hard!"
She laughed and hit my arm. "Asshole. Well, technically, I'm actually at Angela's right now," she told me. "There's no way Charlie would let me be alone with a teenaged boy if he knew his parents weren't home."
"Ooh! Such a rebel," I teased. Bella was as straight laced as they came.
"Shut up," she said, smiling.
"It gets worse," I continued.
"Oh yeah? Let's hear it."
"He handed me a box of condoms and made me promise to be safe," I told her, laughing.
"Oh my God. I would die."
"I know," I said, laughing. "It was mortifying."
"I can imagine." We were both cracking up.
"Hey, Edward," she said after a minute, grabbing onto my arm, "Do you want to go try them out?"
I froze and stopped laughing.
Next she was laughing so hard tears were pouring down her face. "Oh my God! You should have seen your face!" she practically screamed in hysterics. She was doubled over, grabbing her stomach with one hand and pointing at me with the other. "It was the funniest thing I've ever seen."
"God, shut up!" I laughed back, rolling my eyes.
"Geez, Edward. I'm not that desperate," she said, still laughing at me.
"Thanks a lot, bitch. You didn't seem to think I was so horrible the other week when you were practically begging to touch my cock," I said smugly, with a smirk. I guess all those years of hanging out with Mike and Tyler were finally rubbing off on me.
"Fuck you, Edward. It's not like you didn't enjoy it," she was still laughing. "I bet I could have you begging for me to touch it now that you know what my magic hands can do." Obviously, she had been spending too much time with Mike too.
"Oh sure, you jack one guy off and now you're some kind of expert," I said sarcastically.
"Well, they do say practice makes perfect," she grinned while reaching over to grab my crotch.
"Jesus, Bella!" I said, jumping. "You have to stop doing that!"
"Why? Don't you like it?" she asked innocently, moving her hand back and forth, knowing from my growing erection that I did.
"That's not the point," I protested, not moving her hand.
"What is the point, Edward?" she asked.
"Bella, I'm gay," I started seriously. "You're supposed to be my fake girlfriend. I'd feel like I was using you if I let you do that again."
"Maybe I'm using you," she countered. "Maybe I don't want to go to college never having done anything and being the most inexperienced girl in the dorm. I don't see anything wrong with trying a few things out with each other. You liked it. I liked doing it. It's not hurting anybody.
"You can even close your eyes and pretend I'm Mike for all I care," she added, not knowing that's exactly what I had done when I re-lived the experience of her hands on my dick each time I had jacked off since it had happened.
"You're very convincing," I said uncertainly, as her hands continued to rub over the bulge in my pants.
"If it will make you feel better, I'll let you get me off too," she offered with a wicked grin.
"Oh, you will, will you?" I asked smiling.
"Yeah," she answered. Then she used the hand that wasn't on my dick to grab my hand and bring it to her boob. "And I'll even let you do me first."
"That's very generous of you," I said, giving her breast an experimental squeeze.
"Isn't it though? And I won't even expect you to call me in the morning. It's ideal," she added.
"Now how can I resist that logic?" I asked, leaning over to kiss her.
That afternoon I learned that we both liked having our nipples licked and sucked and played with, that my fingers could make Bella writhe and pant and moan, and that when I closed my eyes and imagined it was Mike stroking me, it was even better than the first time she did it.
On Tuesday we went to the movies with the gang and we made out in the dark theater as I tried to ignore the noises coming from Mike and Jessica. I felt Bella up and she groped my dick through my jeans.
On Wednesday, we spent the entire day finishing our project so we could have more time to experiment during the remaining days of our break. It was New Year's Eve, and my parents would be off tomorrow, so that only left Friday where we'd be left in relative unsupervised freedom. I stayed home with my parents that evening and we toasted the New Year with glasses of champagne.
Thursday Mike came over to hang out, since his parents' store was closed and he didn't have to work. We played video games all afternoon. He asked me how things were going with Bella and slapped me on the back with a "Way to go, Eddie," when I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I answered, "They're going really well." I didn't even want to stop and think about how painfully odd it was to have a bonding moment with Mike over a girl.
On Friday Bella and I were kissing and half naked on the couch within minutes of her arrival. Our shirts were on the floor and I was lying half on top of her, pressing my erection into her. Her legs were tangled up in mine.
I felt her pushing my shoulders back and I pulled away to look at her questioningly.
"Sit back," she directed, still pushing on my shoulders until I climbed off her and sat back on the couch.
She moved to kneel on the ground before me saying, "I just want to try something."
She reached up to unbutton my jeans and started tugging on them. I lifted my hips to help and then I was sitting there naked except for my underwear.
"What are you doing, Bella?" I asked.
"I want to put it in my mouth," she answered.
The thought of her mouth on my cock sent a shock of excitement through me.
"Bella, I don't know if I can reciprocate," I told her. "That might be too weird for me." I really wanted to know what a blow job would feel like—I had fantasized about it often enough, but I wanted to be fair. I wasn't sure I could go down on her.
"I don't mind, Edward," she told me. "I wish I had a dick you could practice on too, but you can let me know what feels good and then when you finally find a guy to be with, you'll at least know what you like."
"You always have an answer for everything, don't you," I said with a laugh.
"It's not just for you. I want to learn how to do it. I don't want to suck at it."
I snorted at her choice of words.
"Shut up. You know what I mean," she said with a laugh.
"Well, I'd never be able to face the guys if they ever found out I turned down a blow job," I said with a smile, sliding my boxer briefs down my legs.
Bella leaned in and grasped my cock in her hand, giving it a few firm strokes then she leaned over to lick the head of my penis which was covered in pre-cum. Her tongue dipped into my slit as she tasted me.
"It's salty," she remarked, looking up at me. I just swallowed, trying to remain still so I didn't grab her head and force her mouth down around my cock.
She leaned in again and ran her tongue along the underside of my cock, licking it all the way to the tip. She ran her tongue across the head again.
"Does that feel good?" she asked me, pulling away.
"Yes," I answered in a strained voice.
Next she took the entire head into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it over and over. I had died and gone to heaven. I leaned my head back and shut my eyes, groaning, enjoying the feel of her wet hot mouth around my sensitive flesh. This was a hundred times better than a hand job.
I started to imagine it was Mike's mouth then shut those thoughts down immediately. I'd come in seconds if I continued in that direction. Instead I opened my eyes to watch Bella again, seeing her plump lips around my penis and her dark eyes staring into mine.
"Does that feel good?" she asked again.
"Yes, that feels good," I answered breathlessly.
She licked up and down my shaft again, her hands running over my thighs. I could feel her thumbs grazing my balls with each pass. Then she took my dick into her mouth again, moving her lips further and further down my cock until I thought I'd explode right then.
She started to suck on me and I felt my hips buck in response before I could stop them. I heard her gag and then she quickly pulled off me completely, her eyes watering a bit.
"God, I'm sorry, Bella," I quickly apologized. "I couldn't help it."
"That's ok, Edward," she assured me. "I just wasn't expecting it."
"Did it feel good?" she asked.
"It felt amazing," I told her honestly. "Your mouth on my dick is total win. I can't imagine you're going to be able to do anything that I'm going to dislike. It's all good."
She gave a small satisfied smile then leaned over to take my dick back into her mouth. She didn't go down as far this time, but bobbed her head up and down, sucking and licking and caressing me with her tongue. I could feel her hand grasping the base of my cock and she began to stroke me as her mouth performed magic. I wanted to stay there just like this all day long, feeling her hot wet mouth around me, her amazing tongue against my aching cock, her hands stroking me. I held off as long as I could, but it was too good, too amazing, too stimulating.
"I'm coming, Bella," I choked out, grabbing her shoulder to pull her off me.
She continued to stroke me with her hand and pulled her mouth away slowly, sucking and licking my head one last time as she lifted her head from my cock. She leaned over to gently bite the inside of my thigh as her hand finished bringing me to orgasm.
I cried out in pleasure ejaculating all over my stomach and chest in thick spurts, pulsing again and again in ecstasy.
I collapsed back on the couch with my eyes closed, a wide grin on my face. I couldn't move.
"So how was it?" she asked and I could hear the smugness in her voice. I didn't mind; she deserved to fell smug. That was unbelievable. Fucking amazing. Bella was an absolute fucking genius to think up this idea.
I opened my eyes to look at her. She was still kneeling between my legs, one hand wrapped around my cock and the other gently rubbing the spot on my thigh she had bitten.
"That was the best fucking blowjob I've ever had," I told her with a huge smile. She rolled her eyes at me in response, but didn't stop smiling either.
On Saturday we started right in again as soon as Bella got to my house. My parents had left early to go spend the day in Seattle, so we had the place to ourselves. This time she informed me she wanted to try and swallow. I didn't even attempt to argue.
It wasn't long before my cock was in her mouth and her tongue and amazing hands were driving me crazy. God, it felt incredible. I was probably the best thing I had ever felt in my entire life. My hips were thrusting into her mouth and she was sucking and licking and swirling her tongue around my head. She reached one hand down to gently squeeze my balls and I choked out a cry of pleasure, shooting into her mouth.
She jerked in surprise, but didn't remove her mouth from my dick. I felt her tongue against me as she swallowed my cum. She continued to gently suck me until I was done.
"So fucking good, Bella," I moaned. "You have no idea. Thank you."
She pulled off, placing one last kiss on the tip of my cock and moved from the floor to sit next to me on the couch.
"What did it taste like?" I asked her. "Was it nasty?"
"No, it wasn't nasty," she said, thinking. "It wasn't especially tasty either. Just different. Kind of like sautéed mushrooms."
"Sautéed mushrooms?" I laughed. Could be worse, I suppose.
"Here," she said, reaching out her hand to the back of my neck and pulling my face towards hers.
"Kiss me and you can taste it for yourself."
I didn't stop to think, or I might have thought it was too weird to taste my own cum. Instead I leaned over and placed my lips on hers, dipping my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue wrapped around mine and I could taste myself on her. It was kind of hot. I tasted kind of salty, kind of earthy. I suppose sautéed mushrooms was as good a comparison as any.
"Thanks, Bella," I told her again. "Now get your clothes off. I want to see what you taste like too."
"I thought you said you wouldn't go down on me?" she said surprised.
"I did say that. But geez, you've sucked me off twice and fucking swallowed my load. I think I can at least try and return the favor."
And I did. It was a little weird, but not that complicated once I got the hang of it. Hearing Bella moan while I licked her clit and moved my fingers in her pussy was hot. By the time she got off, I was completely hard again. She enthusiastically sucked me off again and I came in her mouth for the second time that day.
We lay on the couch next to each other, both naked and sweaty and grinning like fools. I'm sure my parents wouldn't approve.
Bella turned to look at me and asked me a question she had asked me before: "Are you sure you're gay?"
"Yes, Bella. I'm sure," I told her laughing.
"God, it's too bad. You're, like, the perfect boyfriend," she said. "You're smart and funny and nice and an incredible kisser. And oh my God, that was amazing," she practically gushed.
"You're pretty amazing too," I told her. "I think my dick is addicted to your mouth."
"If you get off from both guys and girls wouldn't that actually make you bisexual?" she questioned next.
"If we're talking about getting off with people, technically, I've only ever gotten off with a girl, so by that logic, I'd be heterosexual. It doesn't work that way, Bella," I told her.
I was getting a little uncomfortable with the questioning. Was she doing this whole fake boyfriend thing hoping it was more than it was? I sure hoped not because this experimenting we were doing was the best thing I had ever done and I'd hate for it to stop right after it started.
I looked at Bella, searching her face for some sort of clue. "Bella," I said seriously, "You know I'm never going to be more than your friend, don't you? I'm not leading you on by doing this stuff with you, am I?"
She blushed, but quickly rushed to reassure me, "Oh, no. Of course not. I know we're just friends. I was just curious that's all. I've never known anyone else who was gay and I wondered how you'd know if you liked doing stuff with both."
"I just know, Bella," I told her.
"Ok. I believe you. And just so we're on the same page, no, you're not leading me on. I'm cool with how things are. This was all my idea, if you remember. One of my better ones, if I do say so myself," she added, giving me a cocky grin.
I laughed. "Yeah, no argument here," I agreed. "I was calling you a fucking genius in my head only yesterday."
"Speaking of head…" she said, trailing off suggestively, reaching over to grab my dick in her hand.
Oh yeah. A fucking genius.
Bella and I continued to fool around all through the winter and into the spring. Every chance I got I'd have my dick in her mouth. She said she enjoyed honing her skills and I was the happiest guinea pig on the planet. I returned the favor as often as I could, although I ended up using my fingers more than my mouth to get her off. She didn't seem to care either way. It was an awesome few months.
Baseball season had started and I now saw more of Mike than Bella what with all the afternoon practices and our game schedule. Bella and Alice and Jessica would come to our games to cheer us on, and it was nice to have someone to keep me company when Jessica monopolized Mike's attention. Her hand down my pants was also a great way for me to get my mind off the fact that Mike and Jessica often disappeared during our after game parties and re-appeared disheveled and flushed.
It was almost May and Bella and I were necking on the couch in Tyler Crowley's basement after one of our games.
Bella stopped kissing me and leaned back to look me in the eye.
"Edward, do you still have that box of condoms?" she asked.
"Yes," I answered.
"I was thinking…" she said hesitatingly. "You know Prom is next month and I thought we could go together and maybe afterwards…" she trailed off. She was blushing furiously.
"You want to have sex?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered simply.
I was quiet while I thought for a minute. On the one hand, we had done practically everything but that, so it wasn't really that much of a stretch. On the other hand, Bella was a virgin and so was I. I had never fantasized or actually even thought about having sex with a girl, even with all the fooling around Bella and I had done, so it would be completely new. We had figured everything else out; I'm sure we could figure this out too.
I wasn't particularly worried about being able to get it up or actually doing it. I was a seventeen year old guy, after all; practically anything got me hard. I wasn't attracted to Bella in that way—I always replaced her with Mike in my head whenever I re-lived any of our activities later while I was jacking off—but my dick was always happy to respond to all the physical stuff we did together. Especially the blow jobs. They were great. Besides, she knew exactly how to get me off and I imagined it would still be pretty stimulating, even if it wasn't how I'd prefer to lose my virginity. At this time, in the hetero land of Forks, it's not like I had any other options available.
It would be kind of nice to just get it over with and out of the way with someone I was such good friends with. I was probably the last of the guys to still be a virgin. But didn't girls want all that romantic shit and true love and all that stuff for their first time? And even if I lost my virginity with a girl, would it really count for me, since it wasn't with a guy?
"It was just an idea," Bella mumbled, looking away. "Forget it."
"Wait, I'm just thinking for a minute," I told her, trying to decide what my response should be.
I decided that worrying about whether this counted or not for me was stupid. If Bella and I had sex, I could definitely say I was no longer a virgin. Almost everything Bella and I did together was going to be different when I was finally with a guy. I'd worry about that when I was lucky enough to live in a town where there were actually gay men for me to date. What I should be worrying about was Bella. Was she going to regret not waiting until she was in love?
"Bella, don't you want your first time to be with someone you love? It's not something you can take back," I asked her.
"Edward, I don't want to be 19 or 20 and still be a virgin," she said with a slight tinge of exasperation in her voice.
"This is Forks. I'll be 18 at the start of next school year. Unless a miracle occurs and some amazing hottie transfers into school our senior year, I will not be falling in love in the foreseeable future. And once I get to college, who knows when I'll find someone."
I could certainly relate to her logic. It was pretty much the same way I had just been thinking about my romantic prospects in our small town. My hopeless love for Mike aside, there wasn't anyone in Forks I could date, even if I had wanted to.
She took my hands in hers. "Next to Alice, you're my best friend in the world. I like you. You like me. I like what we do together. I know I'm not a guy, but I'm pretty sure you like what we do together too, anyway.
"Alice told me that Emmett was getting a block of rooms at the Red Lion Inn for after the Prom at a really great discount because of some sort of connection their Dad has. She said we can have one of the rooms. It's the perfect opportunity. I want it to be you. I trust you."
"Ok," I told her.
She looked surprised at my easy acquiescence.
"Really?" she asked.
"Yes, really," I answered. "I've always wanted to despoil a virgin. It's number twenty-three on my to-do list."
"Fuck you, Edward," she said slapping my chest.
"Patience, my dear," I told her, wagging my eyebrows. "I'm not that easy. You still have to take me to Prom first."
She rolled her eyes, but she had a huge smile on her face.
For Prom the guys decided we would cook dinner for the girls, since there weren't really any decent restaurants in Forks. We chose my house, since we had a big gourmet kitchen and because my Mom was so enthusiastic about the idea and willing to help. Mike, Tyler, Ben and I did the actual cooking, but she helped us prepare the menu, shop and prep ahead of time.
Emmett had stopped by earlier in the day to drop off our room keys. Since none of us were over 18, he had put everything under his name. Although he had scored the rooms in Port Angeles for the after Prom party, he and Rosalie didn't join us for dinner. He told us that Rosalie said she didn't want it known she was hanging with a bunch of Juniors at her Prom. Typical.
As we were cooking, Mike came over to talk to me while I was seasoning the steaks. "So you and Bella are finally going to…?" he asked, raising his eye brow questioningly.
I nodded, "That's the plan."
"That's pretty huge, Eddie," he said, slapping my shoulder. "My little boy's all grown up!" he said, pretending to cry.
"Jesus. You sound like my Mom."
He laughed. "I'm just giving you shit. This is actually a pretty big night for us too. We've never spent the whole night together, and, shit, Eddie, I feel like a fucking girl saying this, but, I can't wait to wake up next to her.
"I know we're young, but…" he got serious. "I think I might love her. Like, really love her. Like I want to wake up next to her for the rest of my life kind of love her."
I smiled as my body went numb and my heart shattered into a million pieces inside my chest.
"That's really great Mike. She's a great girl. I'm really happy for you," I told him as I turned to pull the pan of roasted vegetables from under the broiler.
Mom left us alone for most of the dinner, only helping in the kitchen with plating and timing, but after we were finished, she went crazy with her camera again, taking picture after picture of us.
Us guys did look sharp in our tuxes and the girls looked great. Bella had on a long dark blue dress. She looked really pretty in blue. The color did something nice to her skin. Angela's was a deep green and Jessica's was a kind of purplish pink with a halter top that accentuated her assets. Alice, as usual, looked almost other worldly, with her jet black hair, pale white skin and a flowy pale pink dress.
The dance was just what you'd expect. Badly decorated gym, local DJ, nasty punch. Bella, once again, would only dance if it was a slow dance, and we spent most of the Prom at a table with our friends. Emmett and Rosalie were crowned Prom King and Prom Queen and for a big dude, Emmett sure was light on his feet. They looked like freakin' Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers as they danced.
I tried not to think about my conversation with Mike, but I know I was distracted half the night. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he and I would never be together, but for some reason, hearing that he was in love with Jessica just made it too real.
Bella noticed how detached I was and asked me if I was nervous about tonight. "We don't have to go through with it if you're having second thoughts," she said.
"That's not it," I told her, my eyes on Mike and Jessica laughing as he twirled her around. "It's just that sometimes, it's hard seeing someone you love be in love with someone else."
Bella squeezed my hand and when I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes. God, I'd ruin the night for everyone if I didn't snap out of it.
"Can we get out of here?" I asked her, even though it was barely ten.
"Sure," she said. "Let me just say goodbye to everyone."
Mike noticed we were leaving and shot me a big thumbs up from the dance floor on our way out. I smiled and waved.
Once we were in the car, I apologized to Bella. "I'm sorry for being such a downer. I didn't mean to ruin your night."
"Edward, it's fine. I promise."
We were quiet all the way to Port Angeles and didn't say much until we were in the room.
When I looked at Bella, I suddenly was nervous. What if I hurt her?
"Ok," I told her, laughing softly, "Now I really am nervous. I don't want to hurt you."
"Geez, just relax, Edward. It will be fine." She walked over to the mini bar and pulled out a few little bottles and a can of Coke. "Can you go get some ice?" she asked.
"Sure," I said, grabbing the bucket and heading down the hall.
We fixed a couple rum and Cokes and clinked our glasses together. "To the despoiling of the virgins!" I exclaimed in a toast.
Bella rolled her eyes and took a sip, making a face as she swallowed. "Gah! That's sweet," she said. After a few more sips she said musingly, "These should really be cherry Cokes."
I snorted and then we were both laughing. This was going to be ok.
We each had another drink and I was feeling much more relaxed. We had both kicked off our shoes and I had removed my jacket and tie. I could tell Bella was getting tipsy because she was rambling and slurring her words a bit. Neither of us drank regularly, so it didn't take much.
I took the drink from Bella's hand and asked her with a grin, "Do you want me to seduce you, or do you just want to get naked and go at it?"
She crawled over and straddled me on the love seat and leaned over to bite my ear lobe, "How about I seduce you?" she asked in a low voice, licking the shell of my ear then kissing the side of my neck, scraping her teeth lightly down to my shoulder. I shivered in response.
Her fingers were working the buttons on my shirt and she was tugging it out of my waistband. I helped her remove it from my shoulders as she worked on the buckle of my belt. I lifted my hips as she pulled my pants down. She licked her lips and looked up at me with her big brown eyes. "I want to suck your cock."
My cock instantly responded, anticipating her warm wet mouth. She scooted down between my legs and took me between her lips. I groaned, burying my fingers in her hair. "God, Bella. That feels incredible." She had really gotten good at giving head. As her tongue caressed me and she sucked and licked, her hands were moving and stroking and gently squeezing my balls. It felt so good, I never wanted her to stop. One of her hands slid up my stomach over my torso and gently squeezed my nipple between her fingers. A jolt of pleasure shot through me. I grabbed her wrist to stop her, and used the other hand buried in her hair to reluctantly push her head away from my aching cock.
"God. We need to slow down. You're going to make me come." She just looked at me with her dark eyes while licking her lips.
"Take off your dress," I directed, before I lost my resolve and came down her throat.
She stood and reached for the zipper behind her back. Her dress slowly slid down her body in a pool of blue. She reached behind her back again and unhooked her bra, letting it fall at her feet as well. Her hands slowly slid up her stomach to her breasts and she took them both in her hands, squeezing her own nipples between her thumbs and index fingers. She let out a low sensuous moan. That was sexy. She truly was beautiful. Life would be so much easier if I could have fallen in love with her instead of Mike.
I knelt at her feet and ran my hands up the inside of her thighs, circling around to her ass and squeezing as I leaned in to kiss her belly. My tongue dipped into her belly button and I felt her hands in my hair. I hooked my fingers into her underwear and tugged it gently down her body, helping her step out of them. I ran my hand back up between her legs and ran my finger all the way across her slit. She was wet. I moved my fingers back and forth slowly, spreading her moisture to her clit. I heard her gasp in pleasure.
I stood up and kissed her, pressing my body against hers, pushing my cock against her stomach. Her hand reached between us to stroke it.
"Let's move to the bed," I suggested.
She nodded and grabbed my hand, tugging me in that direction.
"Wait," I stopped her. "Let me get the condoms."
I opened my bag and pulled out the box opening it and taking one out, placing it on the nightstand.
I took Bella's hand again and we lay down together on the bed.
"Lie back on the pillow," I told her as I scooted down between her legs. This was familiar territory and I knew exactly what to do to make her feel good. I eased a finger into her pussy then another as my tongue licked and stroked her clit. Her fingers curled into my hair as she panted and moaned, writhing on the bed. I used my other hand to press down against her belly as she bucked into my mouth, and I sucked on her clit as my fingers moved inside her. She cried out as her orgasm overtook her and I felt her muscles contracting around my fingers. I wondered what that would feel like against my dick. Pretty good, I imagined.
I crawled back up her body and kissed her slowly and sensuously on her breasts, her neck, her mouth. I wanted her to feel good, since I knew I was probably going to hurt her. Her lips wrapped around my bottom lip and she plunged her tongue into my mouth, sliding her tongue around mine. I groaned in pleasure, pressing my hips into her. She reached down to stroke me, rubbing my pre-cum over my head.
I moved to lie on top of her kissing her deeply, pressing my hips against her rhythmically again and again.
"Are you ready?" I panted into her mouth.
"Yes," she whispered back to me.
I lifted up on my elbow to reach over to the nightstand for the condom. She took it from me saying, "Let me do it."
She pushed me on to my side so she could reach my penis then she rolled the condom down my length. She pulled me back on top of her and we resumed our kissing. She reached down between us and stroked me again and again, in the way she knew I liked, until I was aching for release.
I pulled her hand away then settled between her legs as she moved to adjust us. I pressed into her opening and looked down into her eyes. "Is this ok?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered breathlessly.
I pushed further in. She was hot and tight and wet as I felt her body embrace my cock. I was so turned on I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from coming then and there.
I slowly pushed in a little more and then I felt Bella's legs reaching up to wrap around my body, her heels pressing me closer to her. As she shifted I entered more deeply and heard her gasp. I pushed the rest of the way in and felt her tense as she held her breath. Her eyes were squeezed shut.
My body was on fire. My cock was rock hard and enveloped in her velvet heat. I had already been close to coming before I even entered her and now all I wanted to do was plunge into her again and again and feel her body grasping my dick. But I needed to give her a few minutes to adjust to me being inside her. My arms were almost shaking with the strain of holding back.
She finally opened her eyes to look at me and her gaze was so penetrating. We were joined in the most fundamental way, our two bodies mingling together in our intimate dance. This was it. We weren't virgins any longer. I leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips.
I looked into her eyes questioningly and she gave a small nod, indicating I should continue. I pulled out pushed into her again, our eyes never wavering. My cock was ready to burst. I didn't think I could last another minute. I pulled out again, feeling the heat of her walls stroking me as I plunged back in a little harder, a little deeper. I could feel my orgasm building. As I pulled out again, panting and shaking, I knew I was done for.
As I paused poised on the edge of ecstasy, drowning in pleasure, looking into her chocolate brown eyes, Bella whispered, "I love you, Edward."
My mind was flooded with turmoil as I plunged back into her warmth, my body releasing in exquisite spasms of joy, my cum shooting from my body in spates of bliss. I saw her heartbroken expression as she realized how horrified I was at her unexpected confession. I closed my eyes against the intimacy of her gaze, trying to block out the utter wrongness of this moment. I cried out again and again as my body pulsed inside her, my own heart breaking for the second time that night. This was a terrible mistake.
I collapsed on top of her, my body exhausted from pleasure but my mind spinning in circles. When I could move again, I rolled off of her and got up to dispose of the condom. I came back to the bed and lay down beside her on my back. After a few moments, I heard quiet sniffling and I turned look at Bella. She was crying.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I never meant to tell you. It just slipped out."
All those times we had assured ourselves we weren't hurting anyone, we were dead wrong. I should never have agreed to this. I should have known Bella felt more for me than friendship. I was enjoying myself too much and far too selfish to think how our intimacy would affect her. What a fucking mess. I should have known better.
"No, I'm sorry, Bella. I should never have agreed to this. It was selfish."
I turned towards her and leaned up on my elbow, so I could look at her. "We can't do this anymore, Bella. It's not fair to you, and if I'm being honest, it's not fair to me either.
"I really am sorry. I just can't be who you want me to be." I could feel my throat getting thick and a prickling behind my eyes.
"I know," she whispered, more tears sliding down her cheeks. We just laid there in silence for a few minutes until she reached up to brush the tears out of her eyes. She cleared her throat and looked at me.
"I'm still glad it was you," she said.
I looked into her dark sad eyes and felt my heart clench. I did love her. Next to Mike she was my closest friend in the world. I couldn't stand that she was hurting. That I had hurt her.
"I'm glad it was me too," I told her and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead.
When I got home the next morning, I didn't have the energy to do much of anything. I lay on the couch mindlessly watching TV, thinking about what a fucked up night it had been. Bella and I had finally fallen asleep, but only after I listened to her quietly sniffling for what seemed like hours. We slept on opposite sides of the bed, barely touching. The morning was awkward and uncomfortable and when I dropped her off at Angela's where she had supposedly spent the night, we could barely look at each other to say goodbye.
I thought of Mike and how happy he looked when he talked about Jessica and how much I wished he looked that happy because of me, and then I felt bad for being jealous when I should be happy for him. And I thought about how Bella probably felt about me the way I felt about Mike and how sucky all around everything was. I wondered how my relationship with Bella was going to change and if we would still be able to be friends after all this fuckery.
I wondered why Bella would continue to fool around with me, knowing she was in love with me, when I had told her time and time again that I was gay. I remembered all the times she asked me if I was maybe bisexual instead and figured that I probably been sending the worst kinds of mixed messages, giving her all sorts of reasons to hope for more, being physical and sexual with her—geez, practically making love to her—without even really considering that she may be developing feelings for me. God, I was stupid. Yes, I had asked her, but now, after everything had gone to shit, I felt like I should have known.
I thought more about Mike, how in love with him I'd been for so long, how I jerked off to images of him and fantasized about him, and how bad I felt last night when he told me he was in love with Jessica. That it had hit me so hard, even when I knew we never had a chance, made me realize I had been holding onto hope in the same way that Bella had been with me. It hurt all the way down in my gut when I thought about it, but I knew that I was going to have to let him go.
After I had been on the couch for hours, my Mom came over to sit beside me. She pulled my head onto her lap and ran her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp. It felt good. I could feel the prickling behind my eyes again and I shut them, but not before a drop escaped from the corner of my eye and slid down my face.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, honey," she said gently.
I just nodded. We sat there for a few minutes in silence.
Finally, I asked, "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"
"Oh, sweetheart," she replied. "It just sometimes is. It's hard being a teenager. I'd like to tell you that it won't always be this way, but it can be complicated when you're an adult too. Life is just like that. But I'm here and your father's here and we'll do our best to help you with whatever you need if you let us. You know that don't you?"
I nodded.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
"Not really," I answered.
"Okay," she responded, still rubbing my head. We sat in silence a few more minutes.
"Mom, you know I'm gay, right?" I asked her, my eyes still closed.
Her hand stilled on my head for a moment before she continued her gentle massage.
"Yes, sweetheart, I know," she answered.
I nodded again and we sat like that for a while longer, my head in her lap and her hands in my hair.
It felt nice.
Chapter 7 | Masterpost | Poetry
Chapter 5 | Masterpost
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed."
- Billy Collins, "On Turning Ten," l. 28-32
Chapter 6 – The Sidewalks of Life
EPOV
After Homecoming, Bella and I were firmly established as Forks High's latest couple. We were the center of attention and the subject of the latest gossip for about a day before things settled back to normal. We continued our whispered conversations during Biology and sat together at lunch, with the only difference being that Bella sat next to me instead of Mike and Mike began focusing his flirtatious charms on Jessica who gave him a far better response than Bella ever had.
I had worried that things would be awkward between us after our kiss—well, it was actually far more than a kiss—but they weren't. Bella and I were just as comfortable with each other as we had always been. In fact, we'd made out several more times since that night, usually after I dropped her off after we joined the gang for a movie, or after a game or something. It was a lot of fun; we both enjoyed having someone to practice on. We'd also taken to holding hands when we walked to class together. To outside eyes, we appeared to be an actual couple, but Bella and I knew that we were just friends.
When football season ended, I finally got to spend the time more time with Mike after school. Our baseball coach started our strength conditioning in winter, so we'd be ready when spring rolled around. I'd meet Mike in the weight room and we'd spot each other as we lifted. I heard way more than I ever wanted to hear about Mike and Jessica's sexual exploits, but for those afternoons it was me he was spending time with, me he was touching as he knelt on my feet as I did crunches, me he was talking to and smiling at and joking around with.
I loved watching his muscles ripple as he worked out. He was stronger than I was, but I was faster. He'd lie on weight bench with his arms over his head; his shirt would ride up and expose the skin at his waist, a small trail of hair disappearing into his shorts. His skin still held a slight tan somehow, all golden and beautiful, and I just wanted to run my tongue across it. When he'd lift the weights off the stand, he'd grunt and his neck would strain and I'd imagine that's what he'd look and sound like if he were bending over me. It was the sweetest torture. After our workout, I'd go home to shower so I could jack off to images of Mike, hot and straining and covered in sweat.
In December Mr. Banner finally assigned us our take home Biology project. It was a nice chunk of our grade, so I knew we'd be spending a good bit of time on it. If I hadn't seen so much of Mike lately, I might have felt resentful again of having Bella as my partner instead of him, but I knew the project would be easy to get done with her and I did like hanging out together. We arranged to get started Thursday after school at my house, since I didn't have training that day.
Once we settled on a topic and divvied up the responsibility, we decided to pop in a movie. Mom had called to tell me she and Dad were both going to be late tonight and I could either thaw some leftovers out of the freezer or order a pizza for dinner. Pizza it was! I asked Bella if she wanted to stay and she agreed since her Dad was still at work. I grabbed a couple of Cokes and brought them back into the family room while we waited for the pizza to arrive.
Once we had pigged out, Bella collapsed back on the coach, holding her hand over her stomach, groaning.
"Ugh, I can't believe I ate so much. I'm stuffed. I wish I was wearing my sweats," she said as she popped the button at the waistband of her jeans.
"Bella, seriously. You don't have to get naked for me just because I fed you. What kind of guy do you think I am, anyway?"
"The asshole kind, apparently," she countered smoothly. "If I wasn't too full to move, I'd reach over and smack the shit out of you."
"Kinky!" I grinned, wagging my eyebrows at her.
"Shut up and put the movie back on," she demanded. "I need to just sit here and digest for a few minutes."
There were only about 15 minutes left of the movie. Once it was over, I turned to Bella and asked, "So you wanna make out for a while before my parents get home?"
"Sure," she answered with a grin. "But you'll have to come over here. I still can't move."
I crawled over to where she was sitting on the couch and straddled her legs with my knees. I placed my hands on either side of her head, bracing myself against the cushions on the back of the couch. I leaned over and kissed her, pressing my lips against hers and running my tongue softly along her bottom lip. Her own tongue came out taste mine then she pulled away, humming with a smile, "Mmmmm. Pepperoni. You taste delicious."
I laughed softly and ran my tongue along her jaw up to her ear. I sucked the lobe into my mouth, then snaked my tongue around the shell of her ear, ending with an open mouthed kiss on the side of her neck, flicking my tongue lightly against the skin before gently pressing my teeth into her. I felt her shiver slightly. After our several make-out sessions, we had both started to learn what felt the best. I looked forward to the day when I could try out all my new knowledge on a guy.
"Mmm. You taste delicious too," I told her.
She reached out to pull me back to her mouth and her fingers slipped under my shirt. Her hands felt wonderful against my skin as she ran them up and down my sides. I imagined what they would feel like if they were rougher and larger and stronger. If they were Mike's.
Our kisses grew more intense as we explored each other's mouths. She removed her hands from underneath my shirt and gripped my thighs, running them up and down in circles, her thumbs grazing closer and closer to my crotch with each pass. I could feel my dick getting harder as her hands teased me with their nearness.
I leaned over to kiss her neck again, sucking gently on the skin and licking and nibbling under her jaw. She moaned and arched her head back, tilting her pelvis up underneath me. I felt her hand leave my thigh then she placed it right over my erection, giving it a small squeeze through my jeans. I groaned and panted into her neck as my hips jerked into her hand. I reached my hand down to grab her wrist.
"What are you doing, Bella," I whispered into her neck.
"I'm touching you," she whispered back. "Doesn't it feel good?"
Of course it felt good. Her hand was squeezing my dick. "Fuck yes it does," I said, pulling back to look her in the eyes. She just stared back at me. "We should stop, Bella. This isn't right." We had never gone this far before. Experimenting with kissing was one thing, but if we were going to go further than that, we should probably talk about it first.
"Why not?" she asked, giving me another squeeze. God that felt good. "We're not hurting anyone."
And when she stroked me again through my jeans, I couldn't remember why we shouldn't be doing this. She was right. We weren't hurting anyone. We were just trying out what felt good on each other. I let go of her wrist.
She rubbed back and forth over my erection and I closed my eyes, loving the feeling of her hand on my cock.
"Can I see it?" she whispered shyly.
"You want to look at my dick?" I asked her, getting even harder at the thought.
"Yes. I've never seen one before. Please, Edward?"
I leaned back, looking into her eyes for a moment before making my decision. I reached for my jeans, unbuttoning them and pulling the zipper down. I pushed the waistband of my boxer briefs down and freed my erection. It stood straight and proud between us.
I watched Bella as she stared at my massive hard on.
"It's pretty," she said, her voice slightly tinged with awe.
I snorted.
"I didn't expect it to be so big," she said next. Now that was more like it. She looked up at me. "Can I touch it?"
God, was she trying to kill me? "Yes, you can touch it," I choked out.
She reached out her hand tentatively and ran it softly up my length. I sucked in a breath as my dick bobbed in reaction to her touch.
"It's so soft," she whispered, as she ran her hand up and down me again, caressing the underside then circling her fingers around me and giving me a long stroke.
I grabbed her wrist again. She looked up at me in surprise. "Did I do it wrong? Didn't that feel good?"
"Yes, that felt good," I said, my voice straining. "You're going to make me come, Bella."
"Really?" she asked in an excited voice. "Can I watch?"
I shut my eyes and took a deep breath then I opened them to look at her. I gave her a nod, letting go of her wrist.
She smiled then reached out her hand to circle me again, giving me another long slow stroke. She brought her other hand to join the first and wrapped it around my head.
"It's sticky," she said curiously. I just nodded, not trusting myself to speak. As many times as I had jacked off, it was nothing compared to the sensation of having someone else's hands on my dick. I didn't really care right then that it was a girl touching me; it just felt good. Really good.
I reached my hands down to cover hers, showing her what I liked, moving one hand to stroke my balls and running my thumb across my head with the other hand, spreading the pre-cum over me. She watched intently as I stroked up and down, flicking my wrist as I came to the head. After studying my movements for a few minutes, she pushed my hands away and continued to stroke me. My hips were starting to thrust in time to her movements and my breathing was becoming labored as I tried to control my reaction.
I could feel my balls tightening and a familiar tingling in my belly. My entire body felt like it was on fire. "I'm going to come, Bella," I panted.
She continued with her movements as if she hadn't heard me, stroking and touching and caressing my cock. I leaned back and cried out as I exploded in her hand, thick streams of cum shooting onto my belly. Again and again I pulsed in pleasure, my cries continuing until I was spent.
I collapsed forward towards Bella, taking her lips in a passionate kiss, biting her bottom lip gently as I came down from my high. She pulled away and nuzzled my face. I could tell she was smiling. "Thanks, Edward," she said.
I choked out a laugh. "Shouldn't I be thanking you?" I gasped, still trying to catch my breath.
Finally, I was able to lean back and look at her. She was grinning as she stared back at me. "That was insanely hot," she declared in a low voice.
"Yeah?" I asked, smiling back.
"Oh yeah," she said with conviction.
By the time my parents got home I had changed my shirt and cleaned up and we were both sitting on the couch munching on popcorn while a movie played.
When Christmas break rolled around, Bella and I made plans to meet on Monday, so we could work on our project together. That Sunday evening, my Dad took me into his office for a talk.
"Son," he began and I knew what was coming. He usually called me by my name unless he was about to impart Dad wisdom. "You know how proud of you your Mother and I are."
I nodded, inwardly steeling myself for the discomfort that would soon follow.
"You know we trust you to make good decisions. We could have arranged to have you stay with someone this week while we're at work, but you know we both think you're old enough to be home by yourself.
"I just want to make sure that you're clear on the rules and what your Mother and I expect.
"It's fine to have Bella over to work on your project, but you are under no circumstances to have sex under our roof."
I could feel my face turning red. This was torture.
"Geez, Dad. Bella and I aren't having sex!" I blurted out, trying to end this conversation as soon as possible. Hand jobs didn't count.
"Well, that's good to know, son," my Dad acknowledged. "But I was a seventeen year old boy once and I wouldn't be doing my job as a Father if I didn't have this talk with you."
He reached inside his desk drawer and pulled out a box. "When you do decide to have sex, and I hope it's far, far into the future, I want you to promise me that you'll be safe." Then he handed me a box of condoms. Could someone die from embarrassment?
"I promise," I choked out, taking the box. "Are we done now?"
"We're done," he answered. He looked as relieved as I was that this conversation was over.
The next day Bella arrived around 10AM and after we worked on our project for a few hours, we took a break for some lunch. I made us a couple of sandwiches and we sat at the counter of the kitchen island to eat.
I brought up my embarrassing conversation with my Dad last night. "My Dad gave me the talk last night," I laughed. "Under no circumstances are we allowed to have sex under their roof. God, it was so embarrassing. I looked like you I was blushing so hard!"
She laughed and hit my arm. "Asshole. Well, technically, I'm actually at Angela's right now," she told me. "There's no way Charlie would let me be alone with a teenaged boy if he knew his parents weren't home."
"Ooh! Such a rebel," I teased. Bella was as straight laced as they came.
"Shut up," she said, smiling.
"It gets worse," I continued.
"Oh yeah? Let's hear it."
"He handed me a box of condoms and made me promise to be safe," I told her, laughing.
"Oh my God. I would die."
"I know," I said, laughing. "It was mortifying."
"I can imagine." We were both cracking up.
"Hey, Edward," she said after a minute, grabbing onto my arm, "Do you want to go try them out?"
I froze and stopped laughing.
Next she was laughing so hard tears were pouring down her face. "Oh my God! You should have seen your face!" she practically screamed in hysterics. She was doubled over, grabbing her stomach with one hand and pointing at me with the other. "It was the funniest thing I've ever seen."
"God, shut up!" I laughed back, rolling my eyes.
"Geez, Edward. I'm not that desperate," she said, still laughing at me.
"Thanks a lot, bitch. You didn't seem to think I was so horrible the other week when you were practically begging to touch my cock," I said smugly, with a smirk. I guess all those years of hanging out with Mike and Tyler were finally rubbing off on me.
"Fuck you, Edward. It's not like you didn't enjoy it," she was still laughing. "I bet I could have you begging for me to touch it now that you know what my magic hands can do." Obviously, she had been spending too much time with Mike too.
"Oh sure, you jack one guy off and now you're some kind of expert," I said sarcastically.
"Well, they do say practice makes perfect," she grinned while reaching over to grab my crotch.
"Jesus, Bella!" I said, jumping. "You have to stop doing that!"
"Why? Don't you like it?" she asked innocently, moving her hand back and forth, knowing from my growing erection that I did.
"That's not the point," I protested, not moving her hand.
"What is the point, Edward?" she asked.
"Bella, I'm gay," I started seriously. "You're supposed to be my fake girlfriend. I'd feel like I was using you if I let you do that again."
"Maybe I'm using you," she countered. "Maybe I don't want to go to college never having done anything and being the most inexperienced girl in the dorm. I don't see anything wrong with trying a few things out with each other. You liked it. I liked doing it. It's not hurting anybody.
"You can even close your eyes and pretend I'm Mike for all I care," she added, not knowing that's exactly what I had done when I re-lived the experience of her hands on my dick each time I had jacked off since it had happened.
"You're very convincing," I said uncertainly, as her hands continued to rub over the bulge in my pants.
"If it will make you feel better, I'll let you get me off too," she offered with a wicked grin.
"Oh, you will, will you?" I asked smiling.
"Yeah," she answered. Then she used the hand that wasn't on my dick to grab my hand and bring it to her boob. "And I'll even let you do me first."
"That's very generous of you," I said, giving her breast an experimental squeeze.
"Isn't it though? And I won't even expect you to call me in the morning. It's ideal," she added.
"Now how can I resist that logic?" I asked, leaning over to kiss her.
That afternoon I learned that we both liked having our nipples licked and sucked and played with, that my fingers could make Bella writhe and pant and moan, and that when I closed my eyes and imagined it was Mike stroking me, it was even better than the first time she did it.
On Tuesday we went to the movies with the gang and we made out in the dark theater as I tried to ignore the noises coming from Mike and Jessica. I felt Bella up and she groped my dick through my jeans.
On Wednesday, we spent the entire day finishing our project so we could have more time to experiment during the remaining days of our break. It was New Year's Eve, and my parents would be off tomorrow, so that only left Friday where we'd be left in relative unsupervised freedom. I stayed home with my parents that evening and we toasted the New Year with glasses of champagne.
Thursday Mike came over to hang out, since his parents' store was closed and he didn't have to work. We played video games all afternoon. He asked me how things were going with Bella and slapped me on the back with a "Way to go, Eddie," when I couldn't keep the grin off my face as I answered, "They're going really well." I didn't even want to stop and think about how painfully odd it was to have a bonding moment with Mike over a girl.
On Friday Bella and I were kissing and half naked on the couch within minutes of her arrival. Our shirts were on the floor and I was lying half on top of her, pressing my erection into her. Her legs were tangled up in mine.
I felt her pushing my shoulders back and I pulled away to look at her questioningly.
"Sit back," she directed, still pushing on my shoulders until I climbed off her and sat back on the couch.
She moved to kneel on the ground before me saying, "I just want to try something."
She reached up to unbutton my jeans and started tugging on them. I lifted my hips to help and then I was sitting there naked except for my underwear.
"What are you doing, Bella?" I asked.
"I want to put it in my mouth," she answered.
The thought of her mouth on my cock sent a shock of excitement through me.
"Bella, I don't know if I can reciprocate," I told her. "That might be too weird for me." I really wanted to know what a blow job would feel like—I had fantasized about it often enough, but I wanted to be fair. I wasn't sure I could go down on her.
"I don't mind, Edward," she told me. "I wish I had a dick you could practice on too, but you can let me know what feels good and then when you finally find a guy to be with, you'll at least know what you like."
"You always have an answer for everything, don't you," I said with a laugh.
"It's not just for you. I want to learn how to do it. I don't want to suck at it."
I snorted at her choice of words.
"Shut up. You know what I mean," she said with a laugh.
"Well, I'd never be able to face the guys if they ever found out I turned down a blow job," I said with a smile, sliding my boxer briefs down my legs.
Bella leaned in and grasped my cock in her hand, giving it a few firm strokes then she leaned over to lick the head of my penis which was covered in pre-cum. Her tongue dipped into my slit as she tasted me.
"It's salty," she remarked, looking up at me. I just swallowed, trying to remain still so I didn't grab her head and force her mouth down around my cock.
She leaned in again and ran her tongue along the underside of my cock, licking it all the way to the tip. She ran her tongue across the head again.
"Does that feel good?" she asked me, pulling away.
"Yes," I answered in a strained voice.
Next she took the entire head into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it over and over. I had died and gone to heaven. I leaned my head back and shut my eyes, groaning, enjoying the feel of her wet hot mouth around my sensitive flesh. This was a hundred times better than a hand job.
I started to imagine it was Mike's mouth then shut those thoughts down immediately. I'd come in seconds if I continued in that direction. Instead I opened my eyes to watch Bella again, seeing her plump lips around my penis and her dark eyes staring into mine.
"Does that feel good?" she asked again.
"Yes, that feels good," I answered breathlessly.
She licked up and down my shaft again, her hands running over my thighs. I could feel her thumbs grazing my balls with each pass. Then she took my dick into her mouth again, moving her lips further and further down my cock until I thought I'd explode right then.
She started to suck on me and I felt my hips buck in response before I could stop them. I heard her gag and then she quickly pulled off me completely, her eyes watering a bit.
"God, I'm sorry, Bella," I quickly apologized. "I couldn't help it."
"That's ok, Edward," she assured me. "I just wasn't expecting it."
"Did it feel good?" she asked.
"It felt amazing," I told her honestly. "Your mouth on my dick is total win. I can't imagine you're going to be able to do anything that I'm going to dislike. It's all good."
She gave a small satisfied smile then leaned over to take my dick back into her mouth. She didn't go down as far this time, but bobbed her head up and down, sucking and licking and caressing me with her tongue. I could feel her hand grasping the base of my cock and she began to stroke me as her mouth performed magic. I wanted to stay there just like this all day long, feeling her hot wet mouth around me, her amazing tongue against my aching cock, her hands stroking me. I held off as long as I could, but it was too good, too amazing, too stimulating.
"I'm coming, Bella," I choked out, grabbing her shoulder to pull her off me.
She continued to stroke me with her hand and pulled her mouth away slowly, sucking and licking my head one last time as she lifted her head from my cock. She leaned over to gently bite the inside of my thigh as her hand finished bringing me to orgasm.
I cried out in pleasure ejaculating all over my stomach and chest in thick spurts, pulsing again and again in ecstasy.
I collapsed back on the couch with my eyes closed, a wide grin on my face. I couldn't move.
"So how was it?" she asked and I could hear the smugness in her voice. I didn't mind; she deserved to fell smug. That was unbelievable. Fucking amazing. Bella was an absolute fucking genius to think up this idea.
I opened my eyes to look at her. She was still kneeling between my legs, one hand wrapped around my cock and the other gently rubbing the spot on my thigh she had bitten.
"That was the best fucking blowjob I've ever had," I told her with a huge smile. She rolled her eyes at me in response, but didn't stop smiling either.
On Saturday we started right in again as soon as Bella got to my house. My parents had left early to go spend the day in Seattle, so we had the place to ourselves. This time she informed me she wanted to try and swallow. I didn't even attempt to argue.
It wasn't long before my cock was in her mouth and her tongue and amazing hands were driving me crazy. God, it felt incredible. I was probably the best thing I had ever felt in my entire life. My hips were thrusting into her mouth and she was sucking and licking and swirling her tongue around my head. She reached one hand down to gently squeeze my balls and I choked out a cry of pleasure, shooting into her mouth.
She jerked in surprise, but didn't remove her mouth from my dick. I felt her tongue against me as she swallowed my cum. She continued to gently suck me until I was done.
"So fucking good, Bella," I moaned. "You have no idea. Thank you."
She pulled off, placing one last kiss on the tip of my cock and moved from the floor to sit next to me on the couch.
"What did it taste like?" I asked her. "Was it nasty?"
"No, it wasn't nasty," she said, thinking. "It wasn't especially tasty either. Just different. Kind of like sautéed mushrooms."
"Sautéed mushrooms?" I laughed. Could be worse, I suppose.
"Here," she said, reaching out her hand to the back of my neck and pulling my face towards hers.
"Kiss me and you can taste it for yourself."
I didn't stop to think, or I might have thought it was too weird to taste my own cum. Instead I leaned over and placed my lips on hers, dipping my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue wrapped around mine and I could taste myself on her. It was kind of hot. I tasted kind of salty, kind of earthy. I suppose sautéed mushrooms was as good a comparison as any.
"Thanks, Bella," I told her again. "Now get your clothes off. I want to see what you taste like too."
"I thought you said you wouldn't go down on me?" she said surprised.
"I did say that. But geez, you've sucked me off twice and fucking swallowed my load. I think I can at least try and return the favor."
And I did. It was a little weird, but not that complicated once I got the hang of it. Hearing Bella moan while I licked her clit and moved my fingers in her pussy was hot. By the time she got off, I was completely hard again. She enthusiastically sucked me off again and I came in her mouth for the second time that day.
We lay on the couch next to each other, both naked and sweaty and grinning like fools. I'm sure my parents wouldn't approve.
Bella turned to look at me and asked me a question she had asked me before: "Are you sure you're gay?"
"Yes, Bella. I'm sure," I told her laughing.
"God, it's too bad. You're, like, the perfect boyfriend," she said. "You're smart and funny and nice and an incredible kisser. And oh my God, that was amazing," she practically gushed.
"You're pretty amazing too," I told her. "I think my dick is addicted to your mouth."
"If you get off from both guys and girls wouldn't that actually make you bisexual?" she questioned next.
"If we're talking about getting off with people, technically, I've only ever gotten off with a girl, so by that logic, I'd be heterosexual. It doesn't work that way, Bella," I told her.
I was getting a little uncomfortable with the questioning. Was she doing this whole fake boyfriend thing hoping it was more than it was? I sure hoped not because this experimenting we were doing was the best thing I had ever done and I'd hate for it to stop right after it started.
I looked at Bella, searching her face for some sort of clue. "Bella," I said seriously, "You know I'm never going to be more than your friend, don't you? I'm not leading you on by doing this stuff with you, am I?"
She blushed, but quickly rushed to reassure me, "Oh, no. Of course not. I know we're just friends. I was just curious that's all. I've never known anyone else who was gay and I wondered how you'd know if you liked doing stuff with both."
"I just know, Bella," I told her.
"Ok. I believe you. And just so we're on the same page, no, you're not leading me on. I'm cool with how things are. This was all my idea, if you remember. One of my better ones, if I do say so myself," she added, giving me a cocky grin.
I laughed. "Yeah, no argument here," I agreed. "I was calling you a fucking genius in my head only yesterday."
"Speaking of head…" she said, trailing off suggestively, reaching over to grab my dick in her hand.
Oh yeah. A fucking genius.
Bella and I continued to fool around all through the winter and into the spring. Every chance I got I'd have my dick in her mouth. She said she enjoyed honing her skills and I was the happiest guinea pig on the planet. I returned the favor as often as I could, although I ended up using my fingers more than my mouth to get her off. She didn't seem to care either way. It was an awesome few months.
Baseball season had started and I now saw more of Mike than Bella what with all the afternoon practices and our game schedule. Bella and Alice and Jessica would come to our games to cheer us on, and it was nice to have someone to keep me company when Jessica monopolized Mike's attention. Her hand down my pants was also a great way for me to get my mind off the fact that Mike and Jessica often disappeared during our after game parties and re-appeared disheveled and flushed.
It was almost May and Bella and I were necking on the couch in Tyler Crowley's basement after one of our games.
Bella stopped kissing me and leaned back to look me in the eye.
"Edward, do you still have that box of condoms?" she asked.
"Yes," I answered.
"I was thinking…" she said hesitatingly. "You know Prom is next month and I thought we could go together and maybe afterwards…" she trailed off. She was blushing furiously.
"You want to have sex?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered simply.
I was quiet while I thought for a minute. On the one hand, we had done practically everything but that, so it wasn't really that much of a stretch. On the other hand, Bella was a virgin and so was I. I had never fantasized or actually even thought about having sex with a girl, even with all the fooling around Bella and I had done, so it would be completely new. We had figured everything else out; I'm sure we could figure this out too.
I wasn't particularly worried about being able to get it up or actually doing it. I was a seventeen year old guy, after all; practically anything got me hard. I wasn't attracted to Bella in that way—I always replaced her with Mike in my head whenever I re-lived any of our activities later while I was jacking off—but my dick was always happy to respond to all the physical stuff we did together. Especially the blow jobs. They were great. Besides, she knew exactly how to get me off and I imagined it would still be pretty stimulating, even if it wasn't how I'd prefer to lose my virginity. At this time, in the hetero land of Forks, it's not like I had any other options available.
It would be kind of nice to just get it over with and out of the way with someone I was such good friends with. I was probably the last of the guys to still be a virgin. But didn't girls want all that romantic shit and true love and all that stuff for their first time? And even if I lost my virginity with a girl, would it really count for me, since it wasn't with a guy?
"It was just an idea," Bella mumbled, looking away. "Forget it."
"Wait, I'm just thinking for a minute," I told her, trying to decide what my response should be.
I decided that worrying about whether this counted or not for me was stupid. If Bella and I had sex, I could definitely say I was no longer a virgin. Almost everything Bella and I did together was going to be different when I was finally with a guy. I'd worry about that when I was lucky enough to live in a town where there were actually gay men for me to date. What I should be worrying about was Bella. Was she going to regret not waiting until she was in love?
"Bella, don't you want your first time to be with someone you love? It's not something you can take back," I asked her.
"Edward, I don't want to be 19 or 20 and still be a virgin," she said with a slight tinge of exasperation in her voice.
"This is Forks. I'll be 18 at the start of next school year. Unless a miracle occurs and some amazing hottie transfers into school our senior year, I will not be falling in love in the foreseeable future. And once I get to college, who knows when I'll find someone."
I could certainly relate to her logic. It was pretty much the same way I had just been thinking about my romantic prospects in our small town. My hopeless love for Mike aside, there wasn't anyone in Forks I could date, even if I had wanted to.
She took my hands in hers. "Next to Alice, you're my best friend in the world. I like you. You like me. I like what we do together. I know I'm not a guy, but I'm pretty sure you like what we do together too, anyway.
"Alice told me that Emmett was getting a block of rooms at the Red Lion Inn for after the Prom at a really great discount because of some sort of connection their Dad has. She said we can have one of the rooms. It's the perfect opportunity. I want it to be you. I trust you."
"Ok," I told her.
She looked surprised at my easy acquiescence.
"Really?" she asked.
"Yes, really," I answered. "I've always wanted to despoil a virgin. It's number twenty-three on my to-do list."
"Fuck you, Edward," she said slapping my chest.
"Patience, my dear," I told her, wagging my eyebrows. "I'm not that easy. You still have to take me to Prom first."
She rolled her eyes, but she had a huge smile on her face.
For Prom the guys decided we would cook dinner for the girls, since there weren't really any decent restaurants in Forks. We chose my house, since we had a big gourmet kitchen and because my Mom was so enthusiastic about the idea and willing to help. Mike, Tyler, Ben and I did the actual cooking, but she helped us prepare the menu, shop and prep ahead of time.
Emmett had stopped by earlier in the day to drop off our room keys. Since none of us were over 18, he had put everything under his name. Although he had scored the rooms in Port Angeles for the after Prom party, he and Rosalie didn't join us for dinner. He told us that Rosalie said she didn't want it known she was hanging with a bunch of Juniors at her Prom. Typical.
As we were cooking, Mike came over to talk to me while I was seasoning the steaks. "So you and Bella are finally going to…?" he asked, raising his eye brow questioningly.
I nodded, "That's the plan."
"That's pretty huge, Eddie," he said, slapping my shoulder. "My little boy's all grown up!" he said, pretending to cry.
"Jesus. You sound like my Mom."
He laughed. "I'm just giving you shit. This is actually a pretty big night for us too. We've never spent the whole night together, and, shit, Eddie, I feel like a fucking girl saying this, but, I can't wait to wake up next to her.
"I know we're young, but…" he got serious. "I think I might love her. Like, really love her. Like I want to wake up next to her for the rest of my life kind of love her."
I smiled as my body went numb and my heart shattered into a million pieces inside my chest.
"That's really great Mike. She's a great girl. I'm really happy for you," I told him as I turned to pull the pan of roasted vegetables from under the broiler.
Mom left us alone for most of the dinner, only helping in the kitchen with plating and timing, but after we were finished, she went crazy with her camera again, taking picture after picture of us.
Us guys did look sharp in our tuxes and the girls looked great. Bella had on a long dark blue dress. She looked really pretty in blue. The color did something nice to her skin. Angela's was a deep green and Jessica's was a kind of purplish pink with a halter top that accentuated her assets. Alice, as usual, looked almost other worldly, with her jet black hair, pale white skin and a flowy pale pink dress.
The dance was just what you'd expect. Badly decorated gym, local DJ, nasty punch. Bella, once again, would only dance if it was a slow dance, and we spent most of the Prom at a table with our friends. Emmett and Rosalie were crowned Prom King and Prom Queen and for a big dude, Emmett sure was light on his feet. They looked like freakin' Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers as they danced.
I tried not to think about my conversation with Mike, but I know I was distracted half the night. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he and I would never be together, but for some reason, hearing that he was in love with Jessica just made it too real.
Bella noticed how detached I was and asked me if I was nervous about tonight. "We don't have to go through with it if you're having second thoughts," she said.
"That's not it," I told her, my eyes on Mike and Jessica laughing as he twirled her around. "It's just that sometimes, it's hard seeing someone you love be in love with someone else."
Bella squeezed my hand and when I looked at her, she had tears in her eyes. God, I'd ruin the night for everyone if I didn't snap out of it.
"Can we get out of here?" I asked her, even though it was barely ten.
"Sure," she said. "Let me just say goodbye to everyone."
Mike noticed we were leaving and shot me a big thumbs up from the dance floor on our way out. I smiled and waved.
Once we were in the car, I apologized to Bella. "I'm sorry for being such a downer. I didn't mean to ruin your night."
"Edward, it's fine. I promise."
We were quiet all the way to Port Angeles and didn't say much until we were in the room.
When I looked at Bella, I suddenly was nervous. What if I hurt her?
"Ok," I told her, laughing softly, "Now I really am nervous. I don't want to hurt you."
"Geez, just relax, Edward. It will be fine." She walked over to the mini bar and pulled out a few little bottles and a can of Coke. "Can you go get some ice?" she asked.
"Sure," I said, grabbing the bucket and heading down the hall.
We fixed a couple rum and Cokes and clinked our glasses together. "To the despoiling of the virgins!" I exclaimed in a toast.
Bella rolled her eyes and took a sip, making a face as she swallowed. "Gah! That's sweet," she said. After a few more sips she said musingly, "These should really be cherry Cokes."
I snorted and then we were both laughing. This was going to be ok.
We each had another drink and I was feeling much more relaxed. We had both kicked off our shoes and I had removed my jacket and tie. I could tell Bella was getting tipsy because she was rambling and slurring her words a bit. Neither of us drank regularly, so it didn't take much.
I took the drink from Bella's hand and asked her with a grin, "Do you want me to seduce you, or do you just want to get naked and go at it?"
She crawled over and straddled me on the love seat and leaned over to bite my ear lobe, "How about I seduce you?" she asked in a low voice, licking the shell of my ear then kissing the side of my neck, scraping her teeth lightly down to my shoulder. I shivered in response.
Her fingers were working the buttons on my shirt and she was tugging it out of my waistband. I helped her remove it from my shoulders as she worked on the buckle of my belt. I lifted my hips as she pulled my pants down. She licked her lips and looked up at me with her big brown eyes. "I want to suck your cock."
My cock instantly responded, anticipating her warm wet mouth. She scooted down between my legs and took me between her lips. I groaned, burying my fingers in her hair. "God, Bella. That feels incredible." She had really gotten good at giving head. As her tongue caressed me and she sucked and licked, her hands were moving and stroking and gently squeezing my balls. It felt so good, I never wanted her to stop. One of her hands slid up my stomach over my torso and gently squeezed my nipple between her fingers. A jolt of pleasure shot through me. I grabbed her wrist to stop her, and used the other hand buried in her hair to reluctantly push her head away from my aching cock.
"God. We need to slow down. You're going to make me come." She just looked at me with her dark eyes while licking her lips.
"Take off your dress," I directed, before I lost my resolve and came down her throat.
She stood and reached for the zipper behind her back. Her dress slowly slid down her body in a pool of blue. She reached behind her back again and unhooked her bra, letting it fall at her feet as well. Her hands slowly slid up her stomach to her breasts and she took them both in her hands, squeezing her own nipples between her thumbs and index fingers. She let out a low sensuous moan. That was sexy. She truly was beautiful. Life would be so much easier if I could have fallen in love with her instead of Mike.
I knelt at her feet and ran my hands up the inside of her thighs, circling around to her ass and squeezing as I leaned in to kiss her belly. My tongue dipped into her belly button and I felt her hands in my hair. I hooked my fingers into her underwear and tugged it gently down her body, helping her step out of them. I ran my hand back up between her legs and ran my finger all the way across her slit. She was wet. I moved my fingers back and forth slowly, spreading her moisture to her clit. I heard her gasp in pleasure.
I stood up and kissed her, pressing my body against hers, pushing my cock against her stomach. Her hand reached between us to stroke it.
"Let's move to the bed," I suggested.
She nodded and grabbed my hand, tugging me in that direction.
"Wait," I stopped her. "Let me get the condoms."
I opened my bag and pulled out the box opening it and taking one out, placing it on the nightstand.
I took Bella's hand again and we lay down together on the bed.
"Lie back on the pillow," I told her as I scooted down between her legs. This was familiar territory and I knew exactly what to do to make her feel good. I eased a finger into her pussy then another as my tongue licked and stroked her clit. Her fingers curled into my hair as she panted and moaned, writhing on the bed. I used my other hand to press down against her belly as she bucked into my mouth, and I sucked on her clit as my fingers moved inside her. She cried out as her orgasm overtook her and I felt her muscles contracting around my fingers. I wondered what that would feel like against my dick. Pretty good, I imagined.
I crawled back up her body and kissed her slowly and sensuously on her breasts, her neck, her mouth. I wanted her to feel good, since I knew I was probably going to hurt her. Her lips wrapped around my bottom lip and she plunged her tongue into my mouth, sliding her tongue around mine. I groaned in pleasure, pressing my hips into her. She reached down to stroke me, rubbing my pre-cum over my head.
I moved to lie on top of her kissing her deeply, pressing my hips against her rhythmically again and again.
"Are you ready?" I panted into her mouth.
"Yes," she whispered back to me.
I lifted up on my elbow to reach over to the nightstand for the condom. She took it from me saying, "Let me do it."
She pushed me on to my side so she could reach my penis then she rolled the condom down my length. She pulled me back on top of her and we resumed our kissing. She reached down between us and stroked me again and again, in the way she knew I liked, until I was aching for release.
I pulled her hand away then settled between her legs as she moved to adjust us. I pressed into her opening and looked down into her eyes. "Is this ok?" I asked her.
"Yes," she answered breathlessly.
I pushed further in. She was hot and tight and wet as I felt her body embrace my cock. I was so turned on I had to take a deep breath to stop myself from coming then and there.
I slowly pushed in a little more and then I felt Bella's legs reaching up to wrap around my body, her heels pressing me closer to her. As she shifted I entered more deeply and heard her gasp. I pushed the rest of the way in and felt her tense as she held her breath. Her eyes were squeezed shut.
My body was on fire. My cock was rock hard and enveloped in her velvet heat. I had already been close to coming before I even entered her and now all I wanted to do was plunge into her again and again and feel her body grasping my dick. But I needed to give her a few minutes to adjust to me being inside her. My arms were almost shaking with the strain of holding back.
She finally opened her eyes to look at me and her gaze was so penetrating. We were joined in the most fundamental way, our two bodies mingling together in our intimate dance. This was it. We weren't virgins any longer. I leaned down to kiss her gently on the lips.
I looked into her eyes questioningly and she gave a small nod, indicating I should continue. I pulled out pushed into her again, our eyes never wavering. My cock was ready to burst. I didn't think I could last another minute. I pulled out again, feeling the heat of her walls stroking me as I plunged back in a little harder, a little deeper. I could feel my orgasm building. As I pulled out again, panting and shaking, I knew I was done for.
As I paused poised on the edge of ecstasy, drowning in pleasure, looking into her chocolate brown eyes, Bella whispered, "I love you, Edward."
My mind was flooded with turmoil as I plunged back into her warmth, my body releasing in exquisite spasms of joy, my cum shooting from my body in spates of bliss. I saw her heartbroken expression as she realized how horrified I was at her unexpected confession. I closed my eyes against the intimacy of her gaze, trying to block out the utter wrongness of this moment. I cried out again and again as my body pulsed inside her, my own heart breaking for the second time that night. This was a terrible mistake.
I collapsed on top of her, my body exhausted from pleasure but my mind spinning in circles. When I could move again, I rolled off of her and got up to dispose of the condom. I came back to the bed and lay down beside her on my back. After a few moments, I heard quiet sniffling and I turned look at Bella. She was crying.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I never meant to tell you. It just slipped out."
All those times we had assured ourselves we weren't hurting anyone, we were dead wrong. I should never have agreed to this. I should have known Bella felt more for me than friendship. I was enjoying myself too much and far too selfish to think how our intimacy would affect her. What a fucking mess. I should have known better.
"No, I'm sorry, Bella. I should never have agreed to this. It was selfish."
I turned towards her and leaned up on my elbow, so I could look at her. "We can't do this anymore, Bella. It's not fair to you, and if I'm being honest, it's not fair to me either.
"I really am sorry. I just can't be who you want me to be." I could feel my throat getting thick and a prickling behind my eyes.
"I know," she whispered, more tears sliding down her cheeks. We just laid there in silence for a few minutes until she reached up to brush the tears out of her eyes. She cleared her throat and looked at me.
"I'm still glad it was you," she said.
I looked into her dark sad eyes and felt my heart clench. I did love her. Next to Mike she was my closest friend in the world. I couldn't stand that she was hurting. That I had hurt her.
"I'm glad it was me too," I told her and leaned over to kiss her on the forehead.
When I got home the next morning, I didn't have the energy to do much of anything. I lay on the couch mindlessly watching TV, thinking about what a fucked up night it had been. Bella and I had finally fallen asleep, but only after I listened to her quietly sniffling for what seemed like hours. We slept on opposite sides of the bed, barely touching. The morning was awkward and uncomfortable and when I dropped her off at Angela's where she had supposedly spent the night, we could barely look at each other to say goodbye.
I thought of Mike and how happy he looked when he talked about Jessica and how much I wished he looked that happy because of me, and then I felt bad for being jealous when I should be happy for him. And I thought about how Bella probably felt about me the way I felt about Mike and how sucky all around everything was. I wondered how my relationship with Bella was going to change and if we would still be able to be friends after all this fuckery.
I wondered why Bella would continue to fool around with me, knowing she was in love with me, when I had told her time and time again that I was gay. I remembered all the times she asked me if I was maybe bisexual instead and figured that I probably been sending the worst kinds of mixed messages, giving her all sorts of reasons to hope for more, being physical and sexual with her—geez, practically making love to her—without even really considering that she may be developing feelings for me. God, I was stupid. Yes, I had asked her, but now, after everything had gone to shit, I felt like I should have known.
I thought more about Mike, how in love with him I'd been for so long, how I jerked off to images of him and fantasized about him, and how bad I felt last night when he told me he was in love with Jessica. That it had hit me so hard, even when I knew we never had a chance, made me realize I had been holding onto hope in the same way that Bella had been with me. It hurt all the way down in my gut when I thought about it, but I knew that I was going to have to let him go.
After I had been on the couch for hours, my Mom came over to sit beside me. She pulled my head onto her lap and ran her fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp. It felt good. I could feel the prickling behind my eyes again and I shut them, but not before a drop escaped from the corner of my eye and slid down my face.
"You know you can talk to me about anything, honey," she said gently.
I just nodded. We sat there for a few minutes in silence.
Finally, I asked, "Why does everything have to be so complicated?"
"Oh, sweetheart," she replied. "It just sometimes is. It's hard being a teenager. I'd like to tell you that it won't always be this way, but it can be complicated when you're an adult too. Life is just like that. But I'm here and your father's here and we'll do our best to help you with whatever you need if you let us. You know that don't you?"
I nodded.
"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
"Not really," I answered.
"Okay," she responded, still rubbing my head. We sat in silence a few more minutes.
"Mom, you know I'm gay, right?" I asked her, my eyes still closed.
Her hand stilled on my head for a moment before she continued her gentle massage.
"Yes, sweetheart, I know," she answered.
I nodded again and we sat like that for a while longer, my head in her lap and her hands in my hair.
It felt nice.
Chapter 7 | Masterpost | Poetry
Tags:
