Fic - I Wept Not [8/24]
Jan. 27th, 2012 10:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arcadianmaggieSummary: Jasper is a war weary soldier burdened by the weight of eternity. Edward is an uncomplicated high school student content to hide his sexuality. Together can Jasper find something to live for and Edward discover some things are worth dying for? AU, slash.
Chapter 7 | Masterpost
"I will give you a poem when you wake tomorrow.
It will be a peaceful poem.
It won't make you sad.
It won't make you miserable.
It will simply be a poem to give you
When you wake tomorrow.
It was not written by myself alone.
I cannot lay claim to it.
I found it in your body.
In your smile I found it."
- Brian Patten, "When You Wake Tomorrow," l. 1-10
Chapter 8 – When You Wake Tomorrow
EPOV
I awoke to the smell of bacon wafting through the air. I groaned, rolling over in my bed, bemoaning the fact that my days of sleeping in were over. School was starting back up today. My alarm started beeping and I reached over to hit the snooze button with a groan. It was too fucking early.
I heard a soft knock on my door.
"Edward," my Mom called softly. "Are you up?"
"I'm up, Mom," I responded. "I'll be down soon."
I heard her footsteps retreating down the hall.
I lay in bed wishing I could just stay there all day. I was not looking forward to this day. At all. Things were going to be awkward as hell with Bella. After our complete disaster of a Prom night, we had decided to continue to pose as if we were still dating until the end of the school year. It was only weeks away, and neither of us wanted to deal with any questions, especially since it wasn't exactly a secret that we planned to "do the deed" that evening. Questions would have been just too much.
We "broke up" right before I left with my parents to spend the summer in the U.K. with the excuse that we wanted to allow each other freedom while we were apart, and we would see how we felt when we were back together at school in September. All physical experimentation had stopped immediately, obviously. I don't know how I ever thought that was a good idea in the first place. Well, okay, I did know. Her lips around my cock were pretty persuasive. So not worth it in the long run, I had discovered.
I had only spoken to her once since I returned, and the conversation was as uncomfortable as I had feared. I called her to let her know I was back, and, really, just to check in and make sure she was okay. I still felt guilty over the whole situation. She had wanted to know how we were supposed to act around each other. Did I still want her to be my pretend girlfriend? I decided that sticking as closely to the truth as possible was probably the best course of action. No, we were not dating, but we were still good friends. Other than that, we would just play it by ear.
I was nervous about seeing Mike too. I had done my best to get over my feelings for him this summer. I stopped thinking of him when I was jacking off, instead using good old fashioned internet porn for visuals. I did my best to stop daydreaming about him. I decided I really would be open to other possibilities over the summer, if they did indeed present themselves.
And they had. I don't know if I was clueless before, or just too wrapped up in my infatuation with Mike to notice, but it seemed that everywhere I went, I was being hit on.
I flirted back and it was freeing to be open about my sexuality. I liked it. On my eighteenth birthday I went out to club with some friends I had met through friends of my parents. I hadn't said anything to them, but they somehow must have figured it out because they took me to a gay club. I had never been to one before; it was eye opening.
I had had a few drinks, so I was pretty buzzed. Watching all the boys dancing without their shirts, seeing them grinding against each other, kissing each other, while the music pounded and the lights flashed was unbelievably arousing. I let the beat pulse through me while we stood at the bar with our drinks. One of my friends grabbed my hand and dragged me out onto the dance floor in the midst of all the gyrating bodies, yelling over the crowd, "Come on! It's your birthday; live a little!"
We danced next to each other laughing and enjoying ourselves for a bit. He was maneuvering us slightly in one direction, his hands on my hips, gently pushing me back. I noticed a boy with shaggy brown hair watching me intently, his naked torso gleaming with sweat as he danced. When he saw me looking at him, he lifted his hands over his head, swaying sensuously and reached out his tongue to lick his lips. He slowly danced his way over to us and reached out for me as my friend released me, saying with a grin, "Happy birthday, Edward," before slipping off into the crowd.
The boy took my hands and placed them on his waist and lifted his arms around my neck, pulling me against his body. His skin was hot beneath my touch. He ground his hips into mine and I felt his erection pushing against me. My dick got harder as I pressed back into him. It felt amazing. This was nothing like dancing with Bella. This was hot and sexy as fuck and goddamn amazing. This. This was what my body craved.
He pulled me closer, pressing our chests against each other. I felt his mouth on my neck and he ran his tongue up it to my jaw, to my ear, biting gently, his breath in my ear. "You're fucking gorgeous," he whispered.
Our cocks ground against each other as we swayed slowly on the dance floor and I heard him moan quietly. My head spun with the feelings coursing through me, his hard cock pressed against mine, my hands roaming over his hard, tight body. It was unlike anything I had felt before. We danced that way song after song, lips and pelvises and cocks and hands, groping and pressing and touching and feeling, drowning in a haze of lust.
I ground my hips hard against his again and he spun me around so that my back was to him. I felt his cock pressed into my ass, his arms around my chest. I groaned. It felt so fucking good. His mouth was on my shoulder and his body moved against mine to the beat of the music. He reached his hand up and gripped my hair, tilting my head so that my neck was exposed. His mouth was on my skin again, nipping and sucking, and licking and kissing. I felt chills over my entire body.
He moved his mouth to my ear and bit it again, saying, "So, birthday boy, why don't you come into the back with me and let me blow out your candle." As he spoke, his hand reached down and squeezed my cock.
My hips bucked into his hand and I moaned. God, to feel those talented lips on my cock.
Fuck. Happy birthday to me.
He spun me back around so we were facing each other. He swiveled his hips against mine again, rubbing our cocks together as he leaned back to look at me with a quizzical expression on his face.
I wanted to say yes, God, did I. I knew what a blow job felt like; I was a definite fan. And this would be with someone I was actually drawn to. Maybe it was because I was a little bit fucked up, or maybe it was because I had never felt another guy's dick pressing up hard against me, or maybe it was because I was horny as hell watching all the guys in the club kissing and grinding and touching all night, but I was feeling a crazy attraction to this unknown boy in the club and I wanted to say yes more than anything.
But that was the problem, after all. I was a little bit fucked up and I was horny as hell and this was some unknown boy from a club. After the situation with Bella, I just didn't think I had it in me to do the casual sex thing. I no longer believed in no strings attached. Even if this boy was hotter than hell with his sweet lips and hard cock, even if the chances of us seeing each other again were almost nil seeing that we lived in entirely different countries. Even if my dick was hating me right now for my cock blocking line of thinking. Even if.
I sure hoped I got over this unwelcome hang-up before I went to college.
I gave the boy a rueful smile and said, "Thanks, but I've got to get going."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, obviously not expecting my answer. Then he gave a little shrug with his shoulder and smiled. He leaned in to my ear and bit it gently once again, saying, "Thanks for the dance, birthday boy," grinding his groin hard against me one last time. He leaned over to place a chaste kiss on my lips, then let me go, dancing to the beat of the music.
I turned around to find my friends before I changed my mind and ended up with my dick down the throat of some sexy stranger in the back of a club in London.
This line of thinking wasn't helping me get ready for school. Did I really want to have blow jobs on my mind when I finally saw Mike again for the first time in months? I quickly showered and got dressed, hurrying down the stairs to eat breakfast with my Mom.
She was standing at the stove sautéing some mushrooms and peppers for an omelet.
"Hi sweetheart," she greeted me. "Why don't you pour yourself some coffee. Your omelet will be ready in just a minute."
"Thanks, Mom," I said, walking over to the coffee maker and pouring some into a mug. "You didn't have to do all this, you know."
"Edward," she said in a scolding voice. "This is the very last time I'm going to be able to send my baby boy off on his first day of school. Next year you'll be away at college and on your own. Would you really deny me?"
"When you put it that way… extra cheese please, and two pieces of toast," I requested, grabbing a slice of bacon from the platter on the counter.
"Such a rude boy," she said, shaking her head in mock disappointment. "Where did I go wrong?"
"You probably should have beaten me more," I suggested while munching on my piece of bacon.
"Undoubtedly," my Mom agreed.
She slid the omelet onto a plate and buttered two pieces of toast before placing the meal in front of me.
"Thanks, Mom. You're the best."
"And don't you forget it," she answered, kissing the top of my head as she settled onto the stool next to me.
We finished our breakfasts together then said our goodbyes, Mom tearing up as usual. I made fun of her for her sentimentality, but I knew I would miss our little tradition too once I was off to college. My Mom really was the best.
Once I got to school, I looked around for Mike and the guys. They were hanging out in the parking lot by Mike's truck. I sat in my car for a minute, gathering my nerve before going to join them. Seeing Mike for the first time in months and finding out if I was successful in putting my feelings for him behind me… facing Bella… I just wanted the day over with.
Finally, I got out of the car and walked over to the group.
"Eddie!" Mike called, with a big smile. I still loved that smile.
"Hey, guys," I said as I reached them. We all gave each other manly one arm hugs and spent a few minutes catching up. As we talked, my nervousness eased. It was just as easy to talk to Mike as it had always been. He looked great, but he always did. I felt a little pang of regret, sadness at what would never be, but most of all I felt grateful that we were friends. This was going to be ok.
We heard the warning bell go off and started heading inside to get to our first period.
Hey Mike," I called, getting his attention before he got too far ahead of me. "Wait a minute."
He stood by the door, waiting for me to catch up. "What's up?"
"You coming over after school today?" I asked him.
"Absolutely!" he enthusiastically responded. "It wouldn't be our first day back without me kicking your ass at some video games."
"I think you mean it wouldn't be the first day of school without you getting schooled," I countered back.
"We'll see about that," he said cockily. "I've been practicing, and I'm sure you're rusty after being gone all summer. Today is my day," he boasted.
"You're dreaming," I scoffed.
"Where are you headed?" he asked next.
"I've got a prep period to start. You?"
"Math," he said in a disgusted tone of voice.
"Okay, see you next period," I said, waving goodbye. "Save me a seat."
"Will do, Eddie," Mike answered, veering off down the hall.
I walked to my classroom and grabbed a desk near the back of the room. I was happy to have a prep period at the beginning of the day. It'd give me a chance to wake up and finish up any homework if I got behind. Today, however, I'd be listening to my iPod. I would rather have slept in, honestly.
I was so engrossed in my music I didn't see the person sitting next to me until I felt a nudge at my elbow. I pulled the ear bud out and turned my head. Alice Cullen was sitting in the desk to my right. She had pulled it over closer to me so that they were touching.
"Hi Edward," she greeted with a big smile, in her typical upbeat fashion. "Did Bella talk to you yet?" she asked me.
I paused, wondering what she was talking about. I knew Alice and Bella were close, but surely she hadn't told Alice what really went on with us last year, had she?
"Talked to me about what?" I asked her cautiously.
"About my brother," she replied. I relaxed. "This is his first year here and Bella and I are the only two people he knows. I was hoping you might show him around and introduce him to some of the guys?"
"Oh, yeah, sure. Bella did mention him last time we talked. Sorry. I'd be happy to show him around." I vaguely remembered Bella mentioning it. I was too stressed over our own situation for it to really register though.
"Thanks, Edward! I really appreciate it. He's a great guy. I want him to be comfortable here. Mom's been home schooling him for the past year, so this is all very new to him." Her face took on a serious expression. "He's had a… rough time of things," she said quietly. "I just really want things to work out for him."
Alice was a total sweetheart. I could tell this was important to her.
"I promise, Alice," I told her. "Whatever I can do, just let me know."
"Thanks, Edward," she said with a genuine smile. That's how I liked to see her. I smiled back and put my ear bud back in, waiting out the rest of the period.
The bell finally rang and I stopped in the hall to chat to a few people before heading to English. In reality I was being a coward. There was only one section of Advanced English and I knew Bella would be in the class. If I could delay my arrival, I could time it so I could slide in at the last minute and avoid having to talk to her just yet. With luck, Mike would have saved me a seat as I had asked earlier. I knew I couldn't avoid Bella forever today, but I was hoping to at least make it to lunch before having to face her. What was I supposed to say, after all? "I'm sorry I took your virginity and made you fall in love with me. I hope we're still friends!" God, why had I thought it was a good idea? I was such a fucking moron.
I arrived at the classroom just as the second bell was ringing. I saw Mike sitting near the front, an empty desk right next to him. Good man. He gave me a smile as I slid into my chair. I dropped my backpack on the ground and stretched out my legs in front of me, waiting for the teacher to begin.
As I sat there, not really paying attention, I could almost feel someone's eyes on me. Maybe I wouldn't get away with waiting until lunch after all. I tried to ignore the feeling, but the longer I sat trying not to look over, the more agitated I got. I ran my fingers through my hair, once again cursing my complete stupidity of last year. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer and turned to my right to face her.
Instead of Bella's deep brown eyes, I was caught in the gaze of the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. His eyes were a rich golden color, like the eyes of a large cat. His lips were lush and full. His perfect face was framed by soft tawny curls. His shoulders were broad and I could tell from the length of the long legs stretched in front of him that he was tall, probably as tall, or taller, than I. The muscles of his thighs strained against the soft denim of his jeans. He was raw beauty, coiled strength, constrained power. There was something so magnetic about him, something so compelling, I could not look away. He reminded me of a mountain lion, with his tawny hair and golden eyes and rangy build. And I was his prey, held silently under his hypnotic stare, willingly waiting for him to consume me.
I don't know how long we sat, staring at each other, but eventually I felt Mike elbow me and our connection was broken. I turned to him questioningly. Mike tilted his head in the direction of the front of the room and I realized the teacher was calling roll and waiting for my response.
"Here," I said quickly.
I was here in body, but my mind was across the room, next to the gorgeous creature with the golden eyes. I stole quick glances every few seconds, waiting to hear his name called. Name after name rang out and I was beginning to think I missed it, when Mr. Stevens finally reached one I was unfamiliar with.
"Jasper Whitlock?"
"Present," a deep, smooth voice said softly from across the room. Even his voice was beautiful. What I wouldn't give to hear that voice saying my name.
Jasper Whitlock.
I barely heard anything the teacher said for the rest of the period. My mind was consumed with thoughts of Jasper. I glanced over again and again, staring at his neck, his hands, his muscular thighs, his soft golden hair. He was sitting next to Alice and I assumed this was the brother she had told me about. I had never been so happy in my life to have volunteered to befriend someone. I couldn't wait for class to be over so that I could introduce myself.
Several times when I looked over, I caught him staring at me as well. A thrill of excitement went through me. Each time our eyes met I felt the shock right in my gut, as if he could see deep into my very soul. I wondered what he was thinking, what he thought of me.
Finally, the bell rang and I couldn't gather my things fast enough. I was determined to meet Jasper. As I approached them, I saw Alice nod to Bella and take Jasper's hand leading him to the door. I was about to call out to them to ask them to wait, but Bella was standing in front of me, a beseeching expression on her face.
"Hi Edward," she said softly.
My eyes followed Alice and Jasper out of the room and I tried to hide my frustration and annoyance as I turned back to Bella.
"Hi Bella," I responded. "How was your summer?"
"It was good. Yours?"
"Good." We stood there uncomfortably for a few minutes.
"Well, I'll see you…" I started to say.
"Wait, Edward," Bella cut in, putting her hand on my arm. I paused, waiting, restraining myself from shrugging her hand off me.
She dropped it, sensing my discomfort, asking, "Can we talk over lunch?"
I knew it was inevitable. We had to get through it and just get it over with. Lunch was as good a time as any.
"Yeah, we can talk over lunch," I told her.
She gave a faint smile. "Okay, good. Thanks. I'll see you then."
"See you then," I replied.
I waited for her to leave then I headed to my next class. I searched the gym hoping Jasper would be there, but of course I wasn't lucky enough to have PE with him. I was disappointed. A shirtless, sweaty Jasper was something I would have loved to see.
After PE I went to my Physics class and was disappointed again. I was momentarily excited thinking I could finally meet him during lunch, but then remembered I had promised to spend lunch time talking to Bella. Surely, we'd have history together, though. Like English, there was only one advanced section. If he was in the English one with Alice, Bella and me, chances were good he'd be in the history section too. I was impatient for the last class of the day, anxious to see him again.
When lunch time arrived, I headed for the cafeteria, quickly going through the line to grab some food. I looked around the room and saw Bella sitting at a table with Alice, Jasper, Mike, Tyler and the rest of the gang. As I approached the table, I was once again caught in Jasper's gaze. He truly was remarkably gorgeous. Mike was sitting next to him and I couldn't help but compare the two. I still thought Mike was good looking; who wouldn't? He had that clean cut All American look. But where Mike was sunny and cute, Jasper was golden and beautiful. Where Mike was healthy and fit, Jasper was sinewy and strong. Mike was like a Labrador retriever, smiling and friendly and loyal and eager. Jasper was like a great cat, feral and sleek, powerful and dangerous.
I could definitely see myself becoming a cat person.
"Edward, over here," Alice called to me, bouncing excitedly in her seat. I saw Jasper reach out his hand and place it over hers. She visibly relaxed. I was impressed. That was a skill I could envy, having been on the receiving end of Alice's excitement more than once. She smiled at him softly before looking back at me. "I want you to meet my brother," she continued.
I walked over next to where Alice and Jasper were sitting. She introduced us saying, "Edward, this is Jasper Whitlock. Jasper, Edward Masen." She was looking at us expectantly.
"It's nice to meet you, Jasper," I said, feeling a small thrill at saying his name out loud.
"Pleasure to meet you too, Edward," he replied. The thrill I got from hearing my name coming from his lips was even bigger. His beautiful, full and luscious lips. I loved the sound of his voice. I detected a slight trace of a southern accent. I wanted to hear him say something else.
God, I needed to stop staring at his mouth, I realized with embarrassment. I pulled my eyes up to his and was practically frozen in place. Again. I don't know what it was about this boy, but just looking at him practically put me in a trance. He was so fucking gorgeous.
I stood there staring at Jasper until I heard Bella call my name. I reluctantly pulled my eyes away from him and looked over at to where she was sitting on the other side of Alice.
"Come sit over here?" she asked, indicating the seat next to her.
"Oh, yeah, sure," I said, this time grateful for her interruption. Otherwise, I might have stood in the middle of the cafeteria all afternoon staring at the beautiful creature named Jasper Whitlock.
I looked at Jasper again and smiled at him, saying, "I'll see you later."
He nodded saying, "See you."
I walked over to Bella and took the seat next to her.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey, Edward."
I started picking at my food not sure what to say.
"Thanks for sitting with me," Bella said.
"Sure," I replied, still uncomfortable. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.
"Okay," Bella finally said, "Is it alright if I just talk first and you listen?"
I nodded, putting my pizza down, waiting to hear what she had to say.
She scooted her chair away from the rest of the group and leaned in. She took a deep breath, as if gathering her nerve then started talking in a low voice, so that no one else could hear what she was saying. "First of all, I wanted to apologize for how things ended up last year. I feel really stupid about everything."
I learned forward and started to protest, but she held up her hand to stop me. "You're supposed to just listen," she reminded me.
I nodded my head and sat back, waiting for her to continue.
"You told me you were gay. You told me you weren't bisexual. You were very up front about it. But I had such a huge crush on you that I read too much into everything. I kept hoping…" she shook her head with a chagrined expression on her face. "Every time you checked to make sure things were still on a 'friends' level, I lied straight to your face. You didn't do anything wrong. I know it's my fault things got weird between us.
"I want us to be able to be friends this year like we used to be. We are still friends, right?"
I nodded.
"I don't want us to be avoiding each other all the time or feeling uncomfortable around each other. I don't want you worrying that I'm still madly in love with you or anything. I just want things to go back they way they used to be, before we started sticking our tongues down each other's throats."
She stopped talking and sat there looking at me, waiting for my reaction, I assumed.
"Is it my turn to talk?" I asked.
"Yes, it's your turn."
"Okay. Well, I don't agree that I didn't do anything wrong. I should never have agreed to everything in the first place. I was being selfish."
I waited until she was taking a sip of her drink before adding, "You give really great head, by the way."
She choked on her drink and started coughing and spluttering. I burst into laughter. It was too easy sometimes.
"Jesus, Edward," Bella said when she had recovered enough to speak. She was laughing too.
And suddenly, we were the old Edward and Bella again, the awkward tension gone from between us.
"So are you still madly in love with me?" I asked her, very curious about her answer.
"No. Yes. No. Maybe a little," she answered.
I raised my eyebrows.
"You don't have anything to worry about," she assured me. "I get it. You're gay. I really truly get it. I'll probably always love you a little bit, though. You popped my cherry, after all," she said smiling.
She paused, then added, "I'm not pining for you or anything. I'm totally over my infatuation. Sort of. Mostly. You do have really great hair." She was grinning.
"Good enough for me. You know, I'll probably always love you a little bit too," I told her. "In a non-sexual, affectionately platonic sort of way, that is. I'd say sisterly, but that would be gross." I shuddered. "We did sleep together, after all."
"I can live with that," she said with a smile.
She started fidgeting with her napkin, blushing a little bit, then said hesitantly, "I… uh, sort of met someone this summer. Not really met… I mean I kind of knew him already, but, well, yeah."
"Really?" I asked. "Who? Tell me." Then I added in a very serious tone of voice, "I hope he's straight."
She smacked my arm. "Asshole," but she was laughing.
"I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm not sure it will ever go anywhere. I don't want to jinx it or anything. But I think it could." She was full on blushing now.
"That's great, Bella. I hope it works out the way you want."
"We'll see," she said, appearing lost in thought with a small smile on her face.
"So what about you?" she asked me after a moment. "How was your summer?"
"I met a guy in a club in London who offered to give me a blow job for my birthday, but I was too traumatized from my last sexual encounter to accept." I paused and added in a dramatic whisper, "I may be scarred for life."
"God, Edward. You're such a jerk sometimes."
"Yeah," I agreed with a cocky grin, "But you love me anyway."
"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" she asked, rolling her eyes.
-o-
After lunch I headed to my Calculus class and was disappointed not to see Jasper again. Alice, however, was sitting in the back row checking her makeup in a small compact. I slid into the seat beside her.
"Hey, Alice. How's it going?"
"Hi Edward. Everything okay with you and Bella?" she asked.
"Yep. We're cool." And we were. It was such a relief after all the stress I had felt about seeing her today. I couldn't stop myself from asking the next question. "How's Jasper doing? First day going okay for him so far?"
"It seems to be. Unexpectedly well, as a matter of fact. Even better than I had hoped. I have a really good feeling about this year." She had a big smile on her face.
"That's great. I'm sorry I haven't had much time to talk to him yet. I promise I'll do what I can to make him feel welcome here."
"Oh, I'm sure you will, Edward." She smiled reassuringly at me. Suddenly she perked up as if striking on a brilliant idea. "Why don't you come over after school and hang out! Bella's stopping by. You and Jasper can get to know each other a little."
I grew excited at the thought then remembered I had already invited Mike over to play video games.
"I'd love to, but I can't today. Mike's coming over. It's kind of a tradition." I was disappointed. Far more disappointed that I really ought to be.
"Oh." Her face fell. Then she immediately brightened. "Maybe tomorrow instead."
"That sounds good. I'll be there." Was it wrong that I wished it was tomorrow already?
I was right when I guessed that Jasper would be in the advanced history section. After Calc was over, Alice and I walked over to the class together. Jasper was already there when we arrived, sitting in his seat reading a book. He looked up as we entered the room and gave Alice a big smile.
If I thought Jasper was gorgeous before, it was nothing compared to how he looked with a smile on his face—those beautiful rosy lips turned up in happiness revealing a row of straight white teeth; the corners of his remarkable golden eyes crinkling with joy; and most noteworthy of all, his cheeks creased with deep dimples on either side. Those dimples… Oh Lord. I wanted to dip my tongue in them. One smile and he was completely transformed. He was radiant.
No man on earth had a right to look as sinfully delicious as Jasper Whitlock wearing a smile.
"Come sit with us," Alice said, taking my arm and tugging me in Jasper's direction.
Alice led me to the seat to the left of Jasper then moved around to sit on his right. I sat down and gave him a smile, feeling nervous and thrilled and excited all at once.
"Hi, Jasper," I greeted him. "I'm Edward Masen. Alice introduced us at lunch. I think you're in my English class too." I didn't think he was in my English class; I knew he was in my English class. I had spent practically the entire period trying not to stare at him, after all.
"I remember," he said in his rich smooth voice. "Hi, Edward."
Hearing my name come from those lips was just as sweet as the first time I had heard it. It was like I could feel the timbre of his voice penetrating deep down into my bones. I could listen to him all day. "So how's your first day going?" I asked him, searching for something to talk about.
"So far, so good," he replied.
I wanted to talk more with him, but the teacher had entered the room and was starting to call roll. It was frustrating. At least I had tomorrow after school to look forward to.
All during class I was hyper aware of Jasper sitting next to me. I noted the way he leaned back in his chair, one leg bent, the other straight out in front of him. He was wearing cowboy boots. So sexy. I stared at his wrists and his long fingers as they rested on the edge of his desk, so near to mine, his other hand taking notes in strong decisive script. He looked relaxed, but there was something about him, a quiet strength, an aura of danger, that reminded me of a predator deceptively lulling his prey into a false sense of security. Again the image of a large cat came to mind crouched in the tall grass, silent and waiting, ready to pounce when the moment was right.
He could pounce on me any day.
Several times he caught me staring at him, and I may have even blushed in response. His expression remained impassive and I wondered what he thought of my obvious interest. I couldn't seem to help myself, though. I was completely drawn to him in a way that I had never before experienced. My attraction to Mike was nothing compared to this.
When class was over, I realized I hadn't heard a single thing the teacher had said all period. I'd have to get notes from Mike or Bella. I stood to gather my belongings and watched Jasper out of the corner of my eye as he put his books into his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.
He turned to me, training those beautiful golden eyes on mine and said, "See you tomorrow, Edward." I simply nodded in reply, too tongue tied to trust my voice. Those eyes were amazing.
I stared at him as he walked out with Alice, watching the way his black leather jacket stretched tight across his broad shoulders, appreciating the way his jeans showed off his firm ass. There was such grace and confidence in his movements. He had to be the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on.
I felt a hand clap on my shoulder and turned to see Mike standing next to me. Jessica was with him. She kissed Mike on the cheek, saying, "Call me later. Bye Edward," as she exited the room.
"You ready to go?" Mike asked me.
I nodded and we headed to the parking lot together. We parted ways as we walked towards our respective vehicles and I called, "See you in a few."
Once we were settled in the game room with snacks and drinks, Mike asked, "So… you and Bella? You guys back together?" I had forgotten that our lunch together would be prime gossip material.
"No, we're not back together. We're still friends, though."
"You looked pretty cozy at lunch," Mike stated.
"We hadn't seen each other all summer. We're better off as friends, Mike. Trust me." His mention of lunch had given me the opening I was looking for. "I saw you sitting with Alice's brother at lunch. What's he like?"
"He seems like a cool guy. Pretty quiet."
That didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. "What'd you guys talk about?"
"How he liked Forks, what classes he was taking. Stuff like that. You ready to be pwned?" Obviously, I wasn't going to get much out of Mike.
I snorted. "Keep dreaming."
But Mike did pwn me. As we played, my mind kept wandering again and again to those golden eyes, that soft curly hair, those luscious full lips. I'd get lost in thought and completely forget that I was supposed to be blasting the shit out of an alien horde. It was almost laughable how worried I had been about being over Mike. Here he was sitting right next to me, yelling in enthusiasm, punching my arm, doing fist pumps, being cute and utterly adorable in his enthusiastic joy of finally being able to take me down, and I barely noticed; I was too engrossed in thoughts of Jasper Whitlock.
I hoped I wasn't trading one hopeless crush for another. But this seemed like more than a crush. I felt this draw to him, a pull. Not just a sexual attraction, although good Lord that was certainly present; the guy was sex on legs. It was more a need to know him. To some extent, he fascinated me, but at the same time, there was something about him that made me think we were meant to be friends.
Of course I wanted to be a lot more than friends, but I wasn't going to fuck things up by letting that be known any time soon. Although he probably had already figured it out with the way I was practically drooling over him during history class.
God, enough. I needed to stop thinking about him and start paying attention to the game. There was no way I was letting Mike beat me today! I'd never hear the end of it.
Except that he had.
He was having so much fun taking advantage of my less than focused state that we played well into the evening. My Mom ordered us a pizza and we took a break before going back at it, my skills continuing to decline. Mike was thrilled.
"Thanks, Eddie!" he exclaimed as he was leaving. "That was the most fun I've had in a long time!"
"Whatever," I said with a small sneer.
"Uh oh! Someone's a sore loser!" he said, grabbing me in a head lock and rubbing his knuckles into the top of my head.
"Shut up," I said laughing, escaping from his grip and batting his hand away.
"See you tomorrow, loser!" Mike yelled as he jogged to his truck.
"Later," I called back, letting his jab slide. Might as well let him enjoy his rare moment of victory; it was unlikely to ever happen again.
That night as I lay in bed, I gave up trying to push thoughts of Jasper away and let myself revel in the images that had been floating around in my head all day. I absently stroked my dick, remembering the way his thighs had looked encased in his jeans, the sound of his voice saying my name, thinking of how stunning his face was when he smiled, those deep dimples creasing his cheeks. I pictured those full perfect lips and wondered how they would taste if I were to kiss them. I wondered what his body would look like—those broad shoulders, his slim hips, the beautiful curve of his ass—underneath his clothes. I pictured his hands, capable and strong, with those long slender fingers, and wondered what they would feel like on my body. On my cock.
I was breathing more heavily and my dick was responding to the images in my head, aching for more attention and dripping from the tip. As I rubbed my thumb over the head, spreading the moisture around, I imagined Jasper's beautiful lips wrapped around my cock. I gripped myself more firmly, stroking up and down, twisting my wrist to palm the head, picturing my hand buried in his soft tawny hair, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked on my dick, his tongue wrapping around my shaft, his golden eyes gazing up at me… with that I came all over my belly with a soft groan.
I cleaned up then fell back into bed, sated and tired. As I drifted towards sleep I still had images of that beautiful boy filling my head. Again I pictured the breathtaking smile he had given Alice when we had entered the room.
I dreamed that one day soon, he would smile that way at me.
Chapter 9 | Masterpost | Poetry
Chapter 7 | Masterpost
It will be a peaceful poem.
It won't make you sad.
It won't make you miserable.
It will simply be a poem to give you
When you wake tomorrow.
It was not written by myself alone.
I cannot lay claim to it.
I found it in your body.
In your smile I found it."
- Brian Patten, "When You Wake Tomorrow," l. 1-10
Chapter 8 – When You Wake Tomorrow
EPOV
I awoke to the smell of bacon wafting through the air. I groaned, rolling over in my bed, bemoaning the fact that my days of sleeping in were over. School was starting back up today. My alarm started beeping and I reached over to hit the snooze button with a groan. It was too fucking early.
I heard a soft knock on my door.
"Edward," my Mom called softly. "Are you up?"
"I'm up, Mom," I responded. "I'll be down soon."
I heard her footsteps retreating down the hall.
I lay in bed wishing I could just stay there all day. I was not looking forward to this day. At all. Things were going to be awkward as hell with Bella. After our complete disaster of a Prom night, we had decided to continue to pose as if we were still dating until the end of the school year. It was only weeks away, and neither of us wanted to deal with any questions, especially since it wasn't exactly a secret that we planned to "do the deed" that evening. Questions would have been just too much.
We "broke up" right before I left with my parents to spend the summer in the U.K. with the excuse that we wanted to allow each other freedom while we were apart, and we would see how we felt when we were back together at school in September. All physical experimentation had stopped immediately, obviously. I don't know how I ever thought that was a good idea in the first place. Well, okay, I did know. Her lips around my cock were pretty persuasive. So not worth it in the long run, I had discovered.
I had only spoken to her once since I returned, and the conversation was as uncomfortable as I had feared. I called her to let her know I was back, and, really, just to check in and make sure she was okay. I still felt guilty over the whole situation. She had wanted to know how we were supposed to act around each other. Did I still want her to be my pretend girlfriend? I decided that sticking as closely to the truth as possible was probably the best course of action. No, we were not dating, but we were still good friends. Other than that, we would just play it by ear.
I was nervous about seeing Mike too. I had done my best to get over my feelings for him this summer. I stopped thinking of him when I was jacking off, instead using good old fashioned internet porn for visuals. I did my best to stop daydreaming about him. I decided I really would be open to other possibilities over the summer, if they did indeed present themselves.
And they had. I don't know if I was clueless before, or just too wrapped up in my infatuation with Mike to notice, but it seemed that everywhere I went, I was being hit on.
I flirted back and it was freeing to be open about my sexuality. I liked it. On my eighteenth birthday I went out to club with some friends I had met through friends of my parents. I hadn't said anything to them, but they somehow must have figured it out because they took me to a gay club. I had never been to one before; it was eye opening.
I had had a few drinks, so I was pretty buzzed. Watching all the boys dancing without their shirts, seeing them grinding against each other, kissing each other, while the music pounded and the lights flashed was unbelievably arousing. I let the beat pulse through me while we stood at the bar with our drinks. One of my friends grabbed my hand and dragged me out onto the dance floor in the midst of all the gyrating bodies, yelling over the crowd, "Come on! It's your birthday; live a little!"
We danced next to each other laughing and enjoying ourselves for a bit. He was maneuvering us slightly in one direction, his hands on my hips, gently pushing me back. I noticed a boy with shaggy brown hair watching me intently, his naked torso gleaming with sweat as he danced. When he saw me looking at him, he lifted his hands over his head, swaying sensuously and reached out his tongue to lick his lips. He slowly danced his way over to us and reached out for me as my friend released me, saying with a grin, "Happy birthday, Edward," before slipping off into the crowd.
The boy took my hands and placed them on his waist and lifted his arms around my neck, pulling me against his body. His skin was hot beneath my touch. He ground his hips into mine and I felt his erection pushing against me. My dick got harder as I pressed back into him. It felt amazing. This was nothing like dancing with Bella. This was hot and sexy as fuck and goddamn amazing. This. This was what my body craved.
He pulled me closer, pressing our chests against each other. I felt his mouth on my neck and he ran his tongue up it to my jaw, to my ear, biting gently, his breath in my ear. "You're fucking gorgeous," he whispered.
Our cocks ground against each other as we swayed slowly on the dance floor and I heard him moan quietly. My head spun with the feelings coursing through me, his hard cock pressed against mine, my hands roaming over his hard, tight body. It was unlike anything I had felt before. We danced that way song after song, lips and pelvises and cocks and hands, groping and pressing and touching and feeling, drowning in a haze of lust.
I ground my hips hard against his again and he spun me around so that my back was to him. I felt his cock pressed into my ass, his arms around my chest. I groaned. It felt so fucking good. His mouth was on my shoulder and his body moved against mine to the beat of the music. He reached his hand up and gripped my hair, tilting my head so that my neck was exposed. His mouth was on my skin again, nipping and sucking, and licking and kissing. I felt chills over my entire body.
He moved his mouth to my ear and bit it again, saying, "So, birthday boy, why don't you come into the back with me and let me blow out your candle." As he spoke, his hand reached down and squeezed my cock.
My hips bucked into his hand and I moaned. God, to feel those talented lips on my cock.
Fuck. Happy birthday to me.
He spun me back around so we were facing each other. He swiveled his hips against mine again, rubbing our cocks together as he leaned back to look at me with a quizzical expression on his face.
I wanted to say yes, God, did I. I knew what a blow job felt like; I was a definite fan. And this would be with someone I was actually drawn to. Maybe it was because I was a little bit fucked up, or maybe it was because I had never felt another guy's dick pressing up hard against me, or maybe it was because I was horny as hell watching all the guys in the club kissing and grinding and touching all night, but I was feeling a crazy attraction to this unknown boy in the club and I wanted to say yes more than anything.
But that was the problem, after all. I was a little bit fucked up and I was horny as hell and this was some unknown boy from a club. After the situation with Bella, I just didn't think I had it in me to do the casual sex thing. I no longer believed in no strings attached. Even if this boy was hotter than hell with his sweet lips and hard cock, even if the chances of us seeing each other again were almost nil seeing that we lived in entirely different countries. Even if my dick was hating me right now for my cock blocking line of thinking. Even if.
I sure hoped I got over this unwelcome hang-up before I went to college.
I gave the boy a rueful smile and said, "Thanks, but I've got to get going."
He raised his eyebrows in surprise, obviously not expecting my answer. Then he gave a little shrug with his shoulder and smiled. He leaned in to my ear and bit it gently once again, saying, "Thanks for the dance, birthday boy," grinding his groin hard against me one last time. He leaned over to place a chaste kiss on my lips, then let me go, dancing to the beat of the music.
I turned around to find my friends before I changed my mind and ended up with my dick down the throat of some sexy stranger in the back of a club in London.
This line of thinking wasn't helping me get ready for school. Did I really want to have blow jobs on my mind when I finally saw Mike again for the first time in months? I quickly showered and got dressed, hurrying down the stairs to eat breakfast with my Mom.
She was standing at the stove sautéing some mushrooms and peppers for an omelet.
"Hi sweetheart," she greeted me. "Why don't you pour yourself some coffee. Your omelet will be ready in just a minute."
"Thanks, Mom," I said, walking over to the coffee maker and pouring some into a mug. "You didn't have to do all this, you know."
"Edward," she said in a scolding voice. "This is the very last time I'm going to be able to send my baby boy off on his first day of school. Next year you'll be away at college and on your own. Would you really deny me?"
"When you put it that way… extra cheese please, and two pieces of toast," I requested, grabbing a slice of bacon from the platter on the counter.
"Such a rude boy," she said, shaking her head in mock disappointment. "Where did I go wrong?"
"You probably should have beaten me more," I suggested while munching on my piece of bacon.
"Undoubtedly," my Mom agreed.
She slid the omelet onto a plate and buttered two pieces of toast before placing the meal in front of me.
"Thanks, Mom. You're the best."
"And don't you forget it," she answered, kissing the top of my head as she settled onto the stool next to me.
We finished our breakfasts together then said our goodbyes, Mom tearing up as usual. I made fun of her for her sentimentality, but I knew I would miss our little tradition too once I was off to college. My Mom really was the best.
Once I got to school, I looked around for Mike and the guys. They were hanging out in the parking lot by Mike's truck. I sat in my car for a minute, gathering my nerve before going to join them. Seeing Mike for the first time in months and finding out if I was successful in putting my feelings for him behind me… facing Bella… I just wanted the day over with.
Finally, I got out of the car and walked over to the group.
"Eddie!" Mike called, with a big smile. I still loved that smile.
"Hey, guys," I said as I reached them. We all gave each other manly one arm hugs and spent a few minutes catching up. As we talked, my nervousness eased. It was just as easy to talk to Mike as it had always been. He looked great, but he always did. I felt a little pang of regret, sadness at what would never be, but most of all I felt grateful that we were friends. This was going to be ok.
We heard the warning bell go off and started heading inside to get to our first period.
Hey Mike," I called, getting his attention before he got too far ahead of me. "Wait a minute."
He stood by the door, waiting for me to catch up. "What's up?"
"You coming over after school today?" I asked him.
"Absolutely!" he enthusiastically responded. "It wouldn't be our first day back without me kicking your ass at some video games."
"I think you mean it wouldn't be the first day of school without you getting schooled," I countered back.
"We'll see about that," he said cockily. "I've been practicing, and I'm sure you're rusty after being gone all summer. Today is my day," he boasted.
"You're dreaming," I scoffed.
"Where are you headed?" he asked next.
"I've got a prep period to start. You?"
"Math," he said in a disgusted tone of voice.
"Okay, see you next period," I said, waving goodbye. "Save me a seat."
"Will do, Eddie," Mike answered, veering off down the hall.
I walked to my classroom and grabbed a desk near the back of the room. I was happy to have a prep period at the beginning of the day. It'd give me a chance to wake up and finish up any homework if I got behind. Today, however, I'd be listening to my iPod. I would rather have slept in, honestly.
I was so engrossed in my music I didn't see the person sitting next to me until I felt a nudge at my elbow. I pulled the ear bud out and turned my head. Alice Cullen was sitting in the desk to my right. She had pulled it over closer to me so that they were touching.
"Hi Edward," she greeted with a big smile, in her typical upbeat fashion. "Did Bella talk to you yet?" she asked me.
I paused, wondering what she was talking about. I knew Alice and Bella were close, but surely she hadn't told Alice what really went on with us last year, had she?
"Talked to me about what?" I asked her cautiously.
"About my brother," she replied. I relaxed. "This is his first year here and Bella and I are the only two people he knows. I was hoping you might show him around and introduce him to some of the guys?"
"Oh, yeah, sure. Bella did mention him last time we talked. Sorry. I'd be happy to show him around." I vaguely remembered Bella mentioning it. I was too stressed over our own situation for it to really register though.
"Thanks, Edward! I really appreciate it. He's a great guy. I want him to be comfortable here. Mom's been home schooling him for the past year, so this is all very new to him." Her face took on a serious expression. "He's had a… rough time of things," she said quietly. "I just really want things to work out for him."
Alice was a total sweetheart. I could tell this was important to her.
"I promise, Alice," I told her. "Whatever I can do, just let me know."
"Thanks, Edward," she said with a genuine smile. That's how I liked to see her. I smiled back and put my ear bud back in, waiting out the rest of the period.
The bell finally rang and I stopped in the hall to chat to a few people before heading to English. In reality I was being a coward. There was only one section of Advanced English and I knew Bella would be in the class. If I could delay my arrival, I could time it so I could slide in at the last minute and avoid having to talk to her just yet. With luck, Mike would have saved me a seat as I had asked earlier. I knew I couldn't avoid Bella forever today, but I was hoping to at least make it to lunch before having to face her. What was I supposed to say, after all? "I'm sorry I took your virginity and made you fall in love with me. I hope we're still friends!" God, why had I thought it was a good idea? I was such a fucking moron.
I arrived at the classroom just as the second bell was ringing. I saw Mike sitting near the front, an empty desk right next to him. Good man. He gave me a smile as I slid into my chair. I dropped my backpack on the ground and stretched out my legs in front of me, waiting for the teacher to begin.
As I sat there, not really paying attention, I could almost feel someone's eyes on me. Maybe I wouldn't get away with waiting until lunch after all. I tried to ignore the feeling, but the longer I sat trying not to look over, the more agitated I got. I ran my fingers through my hair, once again cursing my complete stupidity of last year. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer and turned to my right to face her.
Instead of Bella's deep brown eyes, I was caught in the gaze of the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. His eyes were a rich golden color, like the eyes of a large cat. His lips were lush and full. His perfect face was framed by soft tawny curls. His shoulders were broad and I could tell from the length of the long legs stretched in front of him that he was tall, probably as tall, or taller, than I. The muscles of his thighs strained against the soft denim of his jeans. He was raw beauty, coiled strength, constrained power. There was something so magnetic about him, something so compelling, I could not look away. He reminded me of a mountain lion, with his tawny hair and golden eyes and rangy build. And I was his prey, held silently under his hypnotic stare, willingly waiting for him to consume me.
I don't know how long we sat, staring at each other, but eventually I felt Mike elbow me and our connection was broken. I turned to him questioningly. Mike tilted his head in the direction of the front of the room and I realized the teacher was calling roll and waiting for my response.
"Here," I said quickly.
I was here in body, but my mind was across the room, next to the gorgeous creature with the golden eyes. I stole quick glances every few seconds, waiting to hear his name called. Name after name rang out and I was beginning to think I missed it, when Mr. Stevens finally reached one I was unfamiliar with.
"Jasper Whitlock?"
"Present," a deep, smooth voice said softly from across the room. Even his voice was beautiful. What I wouldn't give to hear that voice saying my name.
Jasper Whitlock.
I barely heard anything the teacher said for the rest of the period. My mind was consumed with thoughts of Jasper. I glanced over again and again, staring at his neck, his hands, his muscular thighs, his soft golden hair. He was sitting next to Alice and I assumed this was the brother she had told me about. I had never been so happy in my life to have volunteered to befriend someone. I couldn't wait for class to be over so that I could introduce myself.
Several times when I looked over, I caught him staring at me as well. A thrill of excitement went through me. Each time our eyes met I felt the shock right in my gut, as if he could see deep into my very soul. I wondered what he was thinking, what he thought of me.
Finally, the bell rang and I couldn't gather my things fast enough. I was determined to meet Jasper. As I approached them, I saw Alice nod to Bella and take Jasper's hand leading him to the door. I was about to call out to them to ask them to wait, but Bella was standing in front of me, a beseeching expression on her face.
"Hi Edward," she said softly.
My eyes followed Alice and Jasper out of the room and I tried to hide my frustration and annoyance as I turned back to Bella.
"Hi Bella," I responded. "How was your summer?"
"It was good. Yours?"
"Good." We stood there uncomfortably for a few minutes.
"Well, I'll see you…" I started to say.
"Wait, Edward," Bella cut in, putting her hand on my arm. I paused, waiting, restraining myself from shrugging her hand off me.
She dropped it, sensing my discomfort, asking, "Can we talk over lunch?"
I knew it was inevitable. We had to get through it and just get it over with. Lunch was as good a time as any.
"Yeah, we can talk over lunch," I told her.
She gave a faint smile. "Okay, good. Thanks. I'll see you then."
"See you then," I replied.
I waited for her to leave then I headed to my next class. I searched the gym hoping Jasper would be there, but of course I wasn't lucky enough to have PE with him. I was disappointed. A shirtless, sweaty Jasper was something I would have loved to see.
After PE I went to my Physics class and was disappointed again. I was momentarily excited thinking I could finally meet him during lunch, but then remembered I had promised to spend lunch time talking to Bella. Surely, we'd have history together, though. Like English, there was only one advanced section. If he was in the English one with Alice, Bella and me, chances were good he'd be in the history section too. I was impatient for the last class of the day, anxious to see him again.
When lunch time arrived, I headed for the cafeteria, quickly going through the line to grab some food. I looked around the room and saw Bella sitting at a table with Alice, Jasper, Mike, Tyler and the rest of the gang. As I approached the table, I was once again caught in Jasper's gaze. He truly was remarkably gorgeous. Mike was sitting next to him and I couldn't help but compare the two. I still thought Mike was good looking; who wouldn't? He had that clean cut All American look. But where Mike was sunny and cute, Jasper was golden and beautiful. Where Mike was healthy and fit, Jasper was sinewy and strong. Mike was like a Labrador retriever, smiling and friendly and loyal and eager. Jasper was like a great cat, feral and sleek, powerful and dangerous.
I could definitely see myself becoming a cat person.
"Edward, over here," Alice called to me, bouncing excitedly in her seat. I saw Jasper reach out his hand and place it over hers. She visibly relaxed. I was impressed. That was a skill I could envy, having been on the receiving end of Alice's excitement more than once. She smiled at him softly before looking back at me. "I want you to meet my brother," she continued.
I walked over next to where Alice and Jasper were sitting. She introduced us saying, "Edward, this is Jasper Whitlock. Jasper, Edward Masen." She was looking at us expectantly.
"It's nice to meet you, Jasper," I said, feeling a small thrill at saying his name out loud.
"Pleasure to meet you too, Edward," he replied. The thrill I got from hearing my name coming from his lips was even bigger. His beautiful, full and luscious lips. I loved the sound of his voice. I detected a slight trace of a southern accent. I wanted to hear him say something else.
God, I needed to stop staring at his mouth, I realized with embarrassment. I pulled my eyes up to his and was practically frozen in place. Again. I don't know what it was about this boy, but just looking at him practically put me in a trance. He was so fucking gorgeous.
I stood there staring at Jasper until I heard Bella call my name. I reluctantly pulled my eyes away from him and looked over at to where she was sitting on the other side of Alice.
"Come sit over here?" she asked, indicating the seat next to her.
"Oh, yeah, sure," I said, this time grateful for her interruption. Otherwise, I might have stood in the middle of the cafeteria all afternoon staring at the beautiful creature named Jasper Whitlock.
I looked at Jasper again and smiled at him, saying, "I'll see you later."
He nodded saying, "See you."
I walked over to Bella and took the seat next to her.
"Hey," I said.
"Hey, Edward."
I started picking at my food not sure what to say.
"Thanks for sitting with me," Bella said.
"Sure," I replied, still uncomfortable. We sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.
"Okay," Bella finally said, "Is it alright if I just talk first and you listen?"
I nodded, putting my pizza down, waiting to hear what she had to say.
She scooted her chair away from the rest of the group and leaned in. She took a deep breath, as if gathering her nerve then started talking in a low voice, so that no one else could hear what she was saying. "First of all, I wanted to apologize for how things ended up last year. I feel really stupid about everything."
I learned forward and started to protest, but she held up her hand to stop me. "You're supposed to just listen," she reminded me.
I nodded my head and sat back, waiting for her to continue.
"You told me you were gay. You told me you weren't bisexual. You were very up front about it. But I had such a huge crush on you that I read too much into everything. I kept hoping…" she shook her head with a chagrined expression on her face. "Every time you checked to make sure things were still on a 'friends' level, I lied straight to your face. You didn't do anything wrong. I know it's my fault things got weird between us.
"I want us to be able to be friends this year like we used to be. We are still friends, right?"
I nodded.
"I don't want us to be avoiding each other all the time or feeling uncomfortable around each other. I don't want you worrying that I'm still madly in love with you or anything. I just want things to go back they way they used to be, before we started sticking our tongues down each other's throats."
She stopped talking and sat there looking at me, waiting for my reaction, I assumed.
"Is it my turn to talk?" I asked.
"Yes, it's your turn."
"Okay. Well, I don't agree that I didn't do anything wrong. I should never have agreed to everything in the first place. I was being selfish."
I waited until she was taking a sip of her drink before adding, "You give really great head, by the way."
She choked on her drink and started coughing and spluttering. I burst into laughter. It was too easy sometimes.
"Jesus, Edward," Bella said when she had recovered enough to speak. She was laughing too.
And suddenly, we were the old Edward and Bella again, the awkward tension gone from between us.
"So are you still madly in love with me?" I asked her, very curious about her answer.
"No. Yes. No. Maybe a little," she answered.
I raised my eyebrows.
"You don't have anything to worry about," she assured me. "I get it. You're gay. I really truly get it. I'll probably always love you a little bit, though. You popped my cherry, after all," she said smiling.
She paused, then added, "I'm not pining for you or anything. I'm totally over my infatuation. Sort of. Mostly. You do have really great hair." She was grinning.
"Good enough for me. You know, I'll probably always love you a little bit too," I told her. "In a non-sexual, affectionately platonic sort of way, that is. I'd say sisterly, but that would be gross." I shuddered. "We did sleep together, after all."
"I can live with that," she said with a smile.
She started fidgeting with her napkin, blushing a little bit, then said hesitantly, "I… uh, sort of met someone this summer. Not really met… I mean I kind of knew him already, but, well, yeah."
"Really?" I asked. "Who? Tell me." Then I added in a very serious tone of voice, "I hope he's straight."
She smacked my arm. "Asshole," but she was laughing.
"I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm not sure it will ever go anywhere. I don't want to jinx it or anything. But I think it could." She was full on blushing now.
"That's great, Bella. I hope it works out the way you want."
"We'll see," she said, appearing lost in thought with a small smile on her face.
"So what about you?" she asked me after a moment. "How was your summer?"
"I met a guy in a club in London who offered to give me a blow job for my birthday, but I was too traumatized from my last sexual encounter to accept." I paused and added in a dramatic whisper, "I may be scarred for life."
"God, Edward. You're such a jerk sometimes."
"Yeah," I agreed with a cocky grin, "But you love me anyway."
"I'm never going to live that down, am I?" she asked, rolling her eyes.
After lunch I headed to my Calculus class and was disappointed not to see Jasper again. Alice, however, was sitting in the back row checking her makeup in a small compact. I slid into the seat beside her.
"Hey, Alice. How's it going?"
"Hi Edward. Everything okay with you and Bella?" she asked.
"Yep. We're cool." And we were. It was such a relief after all the stress I had felt about seeing her today. I couldn't stop myself from asking the next question. "How's Jasper doing? First day going okay for him so far?"
"It seems to be. Unexpectedly well, as a matter of fact. Even better than I had hoped. I have a really good feeling about this year." She had a big smile on her face.
"That's great. I'm sorry I haven't had much time to talk to him yet. I promise I'll do what I can to make him feel welcome here."
"Oh, I'm sure you will, Edward." She smiled reassuringly at me. Suddenly she perked up as if striking on a brilliant idea. "Why don't you come over after school and hang out! Bella's stopping by. You and Jasper can get to know each other a little."
I grew excited at the thought then remembered I had already invited Mike over to play video games.
"I'd love to, but I can't today. Mike's coming over. It's kind of a tradition." I was disappointed. Far more disappointed that I really ought to be.
"Oh." Her face fell. Then she immediately brightened. "Maybe tomorrow instead."
"That sounds good. I'll be there." Was it wrong that I wished it was tomorrow already?
I was right when I guessed that Jasper would be in the advanced history section. After Calc was over, Alice and I walked over to the class together. Jasper was already there when we arrived, sitting in his seat reading a book. He looked up as we entered the room and gave Alice a big smile.
If I thought Jasper was gorgeous before, it was nothing compared to how he looked with a smile on his face—those beautiful rosy lips turned up in happiness revealing a row of straight white teeth; the corners of his remarkable golden eyes crinkling with joy; and most noteworthy of all, his cheeks creased with deep dimples on either side. Those dimples… Oh Lord. I wanted to dip my tongue in them. One smile and he was completely transformed. He was radiant.
No man on earth had a right to look as sinfully delicious as Jasper Whitlock wearing a smile.
"Come sit with us," Alice said, taking my arm and tugging me in Jasper's direction.
Alice led me to the seat to the left of Jasper then moved around to sit on his right. I sat down and gave him a smile, feeling nervous and thrilled and excited all at once.
"Hi, Jasper," I greeted him. "I'm Edward Masen. Alice introduced us at lunch. I think you're in my English class too." I didn't think he was in my English class; I knew he was in my English class. I had spent practically the entire period trying not to stare at him, after all.
"I remember," he said in his rich smooth voice. "Hi, Edward."
Hearing my name come from those lips was just as sweet as the first time I had heard it. It was like I could feel the timbre of his voice penetrating deep down into my bones. I could listen to him all day. "So how's your first day going?" I asked him, searching for something to talk about.
"So far, so good," he replied.
I wanted to talk more with him, but the teacher had entered the room and was starting to call roll. It was frustrating. At least I had tomorrow after school to look forward to.
All during class I was hyper aware of Jasper sitting next to me. I noted the way he leaned back in his chair, one leg bent, the other straight out in front of him. He was wearing cowboy boots. So sexy. I stared at his wrists and his long fingers as they rested on the edge of his desk, so near to mine, his other hand taking notes in strong decisive script. He looked relaxed, but there was something about him, a quiet strength, an aura of danger, that reminded me of a predator deceptively lulling his prey into a false sense of security. Again the image of a large cat came to mind crouched in the tall grass, silent and waiting, ready to pounce when the moment was right.
He could pounce on me any day.
Several times he caught me staring at him, and I may have even blushed in response. His expression remained impassive and I wondered what he thought of my obvious interest. I couldn't seem to help myself, though. I was completely drawn to him in a way that I had never before experienced. My attraction to Mike was nothing compared to this.
When class was over, I realized I hadn't heard a single thing the teacher had said all period. I'd have to get notes from Mike or Bella. I stood to gather my belongings and watched Jasper out of the corner of my eye as he put his books into his backpack and slung it over his shoulder.
He turned to me, training those beautiful golden eyes on mine and said, "See you tomorrow, Edward." I simply nodded in reply, too tongue tied to trust my voice. Those eyes were amazing.
I stared at him as he walked out with Alice, watching the way his black leather jacket stretched tight across his broad shoulders, appreciating the way his jeans showed off his firm ass. There was such grace and confidence in his movements. He had to be the sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on.
I felt a hand clap on my shoulder and turned to see Mike standing next to me. Jessica was with him. She kissed Mike on the cheek, saying, "Call me later. Bye Edward," as she exited the room.
"You ready to go?" Mike asked me.
I nodded and we headed to the parking lot together. We parted ways as we walked towards our respective vehicles and I called, "See you in a few."
Once we were settled in the game room with snacks and drinks, Mike asked, "So… you and Bella? You guys back together?" I had forgotten that our lunch together would be prime gossip material.
"No, we're not back together. We're still friends, though."
"You looked pretty cozy at lunch," Mike stated.
"We hadn't seen each other all summer. We're better off as friends, Mike. Trust me." His mention of lunch had given me the opening I was looking for. "I saw you sitting with Alice's brother at lunch. What's he like?"
"He seems like a cool guy. Pretty quiet."
That didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. "What'd you guys talk about?"
"How he liked Forks, what classes he was taking. Stuff like that. You ready to be pwned?" Obviously, I wasn't going to get much out of Mike.
I snorted. "Keep dreaming."
But Mike did pwn me. As we played, my mind kept wandering again and again to those golden eyes, that soft curly hair, those luscious full lips. I'd get lost in thought and completely forget that I was supposed to be blasting the shit out of an alien horde. It was almost laughable how worried I had been about being over Mike. Here he was sitting right next to me, yelling in enthusiasm, punching my arm, doing fist pumps, being cute and utterly adorable in his enthusiastic joy of finally being able to take me down, and I barely noticed; I was too engrossed in thoughts of Jasper Whitlock.
I hoped I wasn't trading one hopeless crush for another. But this seemed like more than a crush. I felt this draw to him, a pull. Not just a sexual attraction, although good Lord that was certainly present; the guy was sex on legs. It was more a need to know him. To some extent, he fascinated me, but at the same time, there was something about him that made me think we were meant to be friends.
Of course I wanted to be a lot more than friends, but I wasn't going to fuck things up by letting that be known any time soon. Although he probably had already figured it out with the way I was practically drooling over him during history class.
God, enough. I needed to stop thinking about him and start paying attention to the game. There was no way I was letting Mike beat me today! I'd never hear the end of it.
Except that he had.
He was having so much fun taking advantage of my less than focused state that we played well into the evening. My Mom ordered us a pizza and we took a break before going back at it, my skills continuing to decline. Mike was thrilled.
"Thanks, Eddie!" he exclaimed as he was leaving. "That was the most fun I've had in a long time!"
"Whatever," I said with a small sneer.
"Uh oh! Someone's a sore loser!" he said, grabbing me in a head lock and rubbing his knuckles into the top of my head.
"Shut up," I said laughing, escaping from his grip and batting his hand away.
"See you tomorrow, loser!" Mike yelled as he jogged to his truck.
"Later," I called back, letting his jab slide. Might as well let him enjoy his rare moment of victory; it was unlikely to ever happen again.
That night as I lay in bed, I gave up trying to push thoughts of Jasper away and let myself revel in the images that had been floating around in my head all day. I absently stroked my dick, remembering the way his thighs had looked encased in his jeans, the sound of his voice saying my name, thinking of how stunning his face was when he smiled, those deep dimples creasing his cheeks. I pictured those full perfect lips and wondered how they would taste if I were to kiss them. I wondered what his body would look like—those broad shoulders, his slim hips, the beautiful curve of his ass—underneath his clothes. I pictured his hands, capable and strong, with those long slender fingers, and wondered what they would feel like on my body. On my cock.
I was breathing more heavily and my dick was responding to the images in my head, aching for more attention and dripping from the tip. As I rubbed my thumb over the head, spreading the moisture around, I imagined Jasper's beautiful lips wrapped around my cock. I gripped myself more firmly, stroking up and down, twisting my wrist to palm the head, picturing my hand buried in his soft tawny hair, his cheeks hollowing as he sucked on my dick, his tongue wrapping around my shaft, his golden eyes gazing up at me… with that I came all over my belly with a soft groan.
I cleaned up then fell back into bed, sated and tired. As I drifted towards sleep I still had images of that beautiful boy filling my head. Again I pictured the breathtaking smile he had given Alice when we had entered the room.
I dreamed that one day soon, he would smile that way at me.
Chapter 9 | Masterpost | Poetry
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