arcadianmaggie: (Default)
arcadianmaggie ([personal profile] arcadianmaggie) wrote2012-05-18 09:05 am

Fic - Big Love

Title: Big Love
Fandom: One Direction
Pairing: Louis Tomlinson/Harry Styles
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,715
Disclaimer: These characters are fictional representations and are in no way a reflection on actual persons.
Summary: "It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell the world. That’s not it at all." Louis/Harry, post-Sweden May/2012. Slash, RPF.
Author's Note: Thank you to my wonderful beta, [livejournal.com profile] otta_ff, whom I somehow convinced to look this over, even though she's impossibly immune to these puppies' charms (I don't know either!). Thank you also to [livejournal.com profile] fr333bird for the Brit pick!



“Hop on,” Louis says. “I’ll give you a ride.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Harry smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

“No thanks. Need to stretch my legs.”

“Suit yourself,” Louis says, ignoring the knot in his stomach. He turns to Liam. “Liam?”

“Thanks, mate,” Liam says. “Don’t mind if I do.” He hops on top of the luggage piled onto the cart and Louis pushes him through the airport.

The fans love it. They’re lined up, taking photographs, screaming and waving, trying to get the boys’ attention. Louis stops to talk to one girl, frantically waving her phone, begging him to talk to her friend.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” she chants, bouncing, while Louis politely chats up the girl on the other end of the line whose high pitched squealing in between sentences is starting to give him a headache.

“Yeah, it’s good to be home,” he says, trying to wrap up the conversation. “Really good.” He hands the phone back, gives the girl a hug and poses for a picture before returning to the task of pushing the cart toward the exit.

They all pile in the van and Louis pretends not to notice when Harry chooses the seat in the back next to Niall and Zayn, leaving no room for him in the row. He and Liam climb into the middle seat and he gives a small nod to Liam when he asks quietly, “You okay there, mate?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

Liam gives him a look, puts his arm around Louis’ shoulder, clearly not believing him. He won’t push, though; that’s not Liam’s style. Louis is grateful for his quiet support. He shuts his eyes and leans over to rest his head on Liam’s shoulder, trying to not think about anything, quiet his restless mind. Liam’s comfortable, steady and reliable. But he can’t do anything to help the ache in Louis’ chest go away.

Harry ignores him when they get back to the flat. Louis expected no less, but it still hurts. He knows why Harry’s angry. He knows. And he knows what Harry’s looking for. He just can’t do what Harry wants him to.

Big love.

That’s what Harry tweeted the other day after a great night of laughter and games, Louis cheering from the sidelines while Harry’s face lit up in a victorious smile. Harry’s always beautiful, but sometimes he’s so gorgeous, he steals Louis’ breath completely away. He wonders how he got so lucky to be the person on the receiving end of some of those smiles. The Larry Stylinson fans went crazy, of course. Big love. And Louis never responded to the tweet at all. Didn’t acknowledge it. Didn’t mention it. Pretended as if it wasn’t sitting on Harry’s timeline for the entire world to see.

Big love.

He’s always pushing, Harry is. Always outing them in little ways, doing things that drive management crazy. They’ve got their reasons, and Louis understands them. Harry says he does too, apologizes and says he’ll tone it down, but he never does. He seems incapable.

Louis gets it. The two of them were like magnets from the start, inexorably drawn to the other, both of them swept along in a rush of feelings, neither resisting, because it seemed as inevitable as it was wonderful. Asking them to hide their love is like asking for the tides not to rise. It’s an unstoppable force. Or so Louis hopes. Sometimes, like today, he can’t help but wonder if it’s all going to fall apart, leave them shattered and torn.

He goes to the kitchen, puts the kettle on.

“Do you want a cuppa?” he asks Harry when the kettle starts to whistle.

Harry nods, says thanks, and Louis feels just a tiny bit of that tension in his stomach start to unwind.

Louis brings Harry his tea and sits down beside him. He wants to sit right up against Harry’s side, press his body close, fit his shoulder under his arm, nestle in together thigh to thigh. He doesn’t, only letting their knees touch, but he’s relieved when Harry doesn’t move away.

They’re quiet, not talking. Eventually, Louis breaks the silence.

“You know I love you, right?”

Harry nods, but doesn’t look at him. Louis sees moisture welling in Harry’s big green eyes and he thinks his heart might break.

Harry puts his tea down on the table, rubs his hand across his face, and says, “I think I’m going to lie down for a while.”

Louis nods because he doesn’t trust himself to speak. His throat is tight and his chest feels heavy. He watches as Harry walks down the hall and disappears into the bedroom.

It’s not that he doesn’t want to tell the world. That’s not it at all. Louis doesn’t care about their “image” or record sales or their future careers. He thinks they’ll be fine regardless. Already they have more money than he could ever have dreamed. No, Louis doesn’t care about any of that, or at least, not when it comes to this. What Louis cares about is Harry.

Only Harry. Always Harry.

He wants to protect him with everything he has. He’s just so young, Louis thinks. Harry has no idea how cruel people can be. Right now the world loves him, and Harry shines. He’s bright and beautiful and Louis almost hurts when he looks at him sometimes, like he’s staring into the sun. Louis’s not much older, but he’s always felt that out of all of them, he’s the one who understands best the way the world works. He may play the fool, acting young and immature, claiming he wants to stay that way forever, but in his bones he feels a thousand years old. He knows how quickly opinion can turn, that there are those just waiting for the opportunity to cut them all down. Everyone thinks of Liam as the wise “daddy” of the group, but Louis knows the truth; he’s just as innocent as all the rest.

Especially Harry. His wonderful innocent Harry, who’s open and honest and can’t hide anything he’s feeling to save his life. Every emotion shows on his face, all right there for anyone who cares to look. His beautiful Harry who loves with everything he has.

Because he loves the world, he can’t see that the world might not one day love him back.

Louis thinks of Harry’s face when that “fan” in Sweden yelled out terrible things. How upset Harry was all day, that light in his eyes just a little bit dimmer. He doesn’t understand what will happen if they go public with their relationship. He just wants the world to see how happy they are, to not have to hide. To Harry love is love is love. It’s simple. And yes, it should be that way, Louis agrees. He’d love for the world to see things Harry’s way.

But it won’t; he knows. And Harry’s light will shine, but maybe not as brightly. He’ll smile, but not as widely. And he’ll be hurt in ways he can’t even imagine, but that Louis can. Maybe because he’s older and had a few more years to understand the world. Maybe because he’s just not like Harry—not that anyone else could ever be—never been the flame drawing everyone near, but the one walking into the fire. Whatever the reason, Louis’s not willing to take part in anything that will fold shadows under Harry’s skin, dim the shine behind his eyes.

Except, of course, ignore his tweet. And meet with Eleanor tomorrow to continue their public farce. Louis suddenly feels as if he can’t breathe, as if every decision is the wrong one and nothing can make things right. Harry’s hurt either way, and today Louis is the one hurting him and will be hurting him even more tomorrow. He sets his cup down and holds his hands tightly in fists so they don’t start to shake.

Finally, he can’t stand it any longer and gets up from the couch. He hesitates outside the bedroom, but the pull is too strong; Harry’s not the only one incapable at times. Louis pushes open the door and sees Harry lying on his side with his back toward him. He’s all hunched up, and even though his shoulders have grown broad and his back strong, he looks so small in the bed.

Louis crosses the room and slides under the covers, scooting close. Harry stiffens, but Louis ignores the silent protest, needing to touch Harry, to wrap his arm around him and know he’s real. To know they’re real. He puts his head next to Harry’s on the pillow and buries his face in his hair, wild and untamed from being trapped under the knit cap all day, but still smelling like it always does. Like Harry. Always Harry.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into Harry’s curls. His arm tightens around him and he realises he’s still shaking. “I’m sorry.”

Harry twists in his grasp, turning to face him. “Louis?”

Louis buries his face in Harry’s neck and holds him even tighter, willing himself not to cry.

Harry shifts and Louis is pulled across his chest so he’s cradled against him, flush against his body, legs tangling together.

“Hey,” Harry says, wrapping his arms around his back and hugging him close. “It’s all right. We’re all right.”

Louis still feels desperate, as if he’ll fly apart. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I’m so sorry.”

Harry holds him, rubbing his foot along Louis’ leg, stroking his back, calm soothing motions. “I’m sorry too.”

After a while Louis’ breathing gets back under control and he loosens his tight grip, leaning up to look into Harry’s eyes.

“I’m sorry too,” Harry repeats. “I know we decided together.” He doesn’t say more; they’ve had this conversation enough times already. “But we’re all right. Okay?” he reassures.

His eyes are shining, green and clear; his voice is strong and sure. There’s a conviction to his words, an unshakable certainty. Louis stares at his face, marveling again that anyone can be this beautiful and he wonders, not for the first time, if he underestimates Harry. Because right now, he feels like he’s the one who’s being protected.

“We’re all right,” Harry says again.
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 02:16 pm (UTC)(link)
lol. Shit! Thanks. I can't be trusted on my own!!

Yes, these boys give me ALL THE FEELINGS. *sigh* I love them!

xo

[identity profile] coolbreeeze.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 02:18 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG THIS IS PERFECTION! You definitely captured what they are probably going through right now being back home and dealing with Eleanor and their emotions and the chaos of their young lives. Louis does always seem so strong so it's nice to see him break a little and lean on Harry for support. This was amazing, bb. I've missed your words!

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 06:09 pm (UTC)(link)
YOU are perfection! See? I told you I had a lot to say, after yesterday, so I wrote it in this song. I mean fic. They are strong for each other, bb!!

Thanks for reading. :)

xo

[identity profile] mathab.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 02:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Maggieeeeeeeeee you wrote 1D fic you have no idea how happy this makes me! Well you probably do considering you're aware you are the owner of my soul. This was so beautifully written and so current and real to me? I just love the way you write so much, it's like walking in some dream where thoughts are always so eloquent and beautiful.
Thank you for writing this AND MOAR NOW PLS!
<3

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Aw, thank you for this lovely comment, bb! I'm so glad you liked it! As the curator of your soul, I take the responsibility seriously! I will undoubtedly be writing MOAR, but I have Merlin obligations to concentrate on first. I totally have a long plotty AU outlined already!

I WOULDN'T BE HERE WITHOUT YOU, AND THAT'S A FACT!

xo

[identity profile] mab-di.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 03:50 pm (UTC)(link)
OH, gods, just break my heart!! Louis does hide someone old and weary behind his eyes, and although I've never thought of his silence as a means of protecting Harry it makes so much sense. Because someone does need to protect Harry. But someone also needs to protect Louis, and that's what Harry's for. I hope against hope they cling to each other like this in the night. They really need to. Beautiful and achy. And now I'm crying. *sob*

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:11 pm (UTC)(link)
They'll protect each other, bb!! This was my take on the conversation about why Louis keeps quiet. it's not because he's confused; it's because he's SO IN LOVE!

And just so you know, the next line of the fic was totally going to be, "and then they have hot make-up sex."

Thanks for reading! I love flailing with you. <3 <3 <3

[identity profile] mrsyt31.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 04:28 pm (UTC)(link)
I was totally going to quote the same line as fr333bird! This was PERFECT! Love it so much!

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you!! It's so fun to be in the same fandom again. <3 <3
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:25 pm (UTC)(link)
He is. He's sooooo young! I like the way Louis always seems to be looking out for him and seems to be extra careful with Harry's feelings, even while he toes the management line . And even though he can act goofy and obnoxious, he's just got a real maturity about him in that regard (insert tin foil here. hee).

Thank you, bb!! Glad you liked it! <3
(deleted comment)

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Haha. Can you believe I was making fun of all the angst! and broken!fic in the fandom on twitter just the other day about these happy bouncy puppies and then I write this little thing?

Thanks for reading, and for your lovely comment. You're not terrible at all! I love you! <3 <3 <3

[identity profile] fardareismai2.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:21 pm (UTC)(link)
That was so lovely, and felt so very real.

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:32 pm (UTC)(link)
It's totally real (laughing at myself).

Thank you, bb! Glad you liked it. xo

[identity profile] mauralee88.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Love it. No words. Just....heartclench and tears. Beautifully written, as always. So many feelings for these two. *sobs* I just want them to be out and happy and why do I care so much???

I'm too old for all these feelings.

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Never too old!! The thing is, we're just going to get older EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES. So we should stop squeeing and getting FEELS? I think not!

Glad you liked it, bb!! (They're so in love!)

xoxo

[identity profile] dragontattoo-75.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 07:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Aww, this was so lovely! Thank you for writing and sharing it! <3

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-18 09:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you!!! I needed another fandom like I need a hole in my head, but I couldn't resist. I love these boys! :)

[identity profile] badjujuboo.livejournal.com 2012-05-19 09:40 am (UTC)(link)
you broke my HEART WITH BIG LOVE FEELS! AND LEEEEEEEEEEYUM MY LEEEYUM BEING ALL SWEET AND HAZ! OH HAZ AND HIS FEELINGS THAT ARE TOO BIG TO CONTAIN, TO BRIGHT AND SHINY AND
Because he loves the world, he can’t see that the world might not one day love him back.
thats true, so SO true and I totally agree with you this is EXACTLY what happened
no takes backseys ever.

(now I know you have plot for the next epic, you must get ALL THE MBB WORDS SO I CAN HAVE MORE PUPPY WORDS YES AND YES!)
ps ily

and

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-19 03:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Right? THIS TOTALLY HAPPENED! lol.

THANK YOU FOR THE ALL CAPPIES COMMENT, AND OMG, HARRY IS GLOWING IN THAT PIC!!

ILY, bb!

[identity profile] wordgasmic.livejournal.com 2012-05-19 10:41 am (UTC)(link)
Beautiful. Heartclenchy, but they're just so in love, and so am I. Even when they're sad, they're just so sweet. I adore Harry's youth and you SO have Louis pegged, I think. Sigh. Love it. Thank you for writing and sharing.

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-19 03:34 pm (UTC)(link)
I blame Mathab, but I totally blame you too, you know (this is not a complaint). We're all in love (but them, especially)! I'm glad you liked my Louis. He's my favorite. Have I mentioned that before? LOLOL.

xoxoxo

[identity profile] rhrj.livejournal.com 2012-05-19 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
This was beautiful in a sad, achy way. I love your description of Harry, all innocent and too loving but still understanding in the end. Lovely job.

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-19 11:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for reading and for the lovely comment. Harry's wonderful! They're perfect for each other. *girly sigh* :)

[identity profile] jasperluver48.livejournal.com 2012-05-20 05:41 am (UTC)(link)
I never wanted to cry... but I always want to cry with these boys... they are so perfect for each other and you were so perfect with writing them...

OMG my heart is broken and now I must sleep or I will cry all night! You did so wonderful... you are perfection :)

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-20 05:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Aw, thanks, bb! Don't cry! They're fine and you totally know they had hot make up sex right after this. :D Glad you liked!! xo

[identity profile] colazitron.livejournal.com 2012-05-20 10:37 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, this is so lovely! I really like how Louis tries so hard to protect Harry (even though maybe Harry doesn't really need the protection) but it's not like Harry never looks out for Louis either. They're just so good together. *happy sigh*

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-20 05:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! They're both protective of each other. They are good together. The best! *happy sigh* lol. :)

[identity profile] mrsbeas.livejournal.com 2012-05-21 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
Poor sad bb's with hurt feelings! Harry's innocence and Louis' protectiveness were just perfect - what is it about these boys that give so many feels?! So happy you wrote for this fandom!

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-21 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know what it is about them! Other than whatever is going on between them, there's GENUINE LOVE. It's undeniable and it's a beautiful thing. *sniff*

[identity profile] sadtomatoff.livejournal.com 2012-05-21 06:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Well. I was going to give this a quick read and then go about my day, but now I need to curl up in bed with my teddy bear and sob for a while. All the feelings.

This is really lovely. I like the give and take in their relationship. Glad you wrote this!

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-21 09:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you, bb!! This wasn't the fic I was intending to write, but we were just having that conversation and it came out. Boyssss!

Now go write me some porn! ;-)

<3

[identity profile] stardancer-9.livejournal.com 2012-05-22 09:45 am (UTC)(link)
That's how I feel right now. This along with another one I read, I feel like I'm going to flood my house with tears.

[identity profile] stardancer-9.livejournal.com 2012-05-22 09:50 am (UTC)(link)
This so made me cry! But, that's good. I love stories that get me emotional. Just tells me that you're a darn great writer. I was happy that Harry was there for Louis in the end. The last one I read that made me cry had me wanting to smack the crap outta Harry by the end. I really enjoyed this one. (love!)

I love that Liam is supportive in this too. That he cared enough to ask if Lou was ok.

Thank you for sharing :)

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-23 09:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment! Now I want to know what one had you wanting to smack Harry. There are fics for that too... *waggles eyebrows* lol. Glad you enjoyed it!! :)

[identity profile] larry-shippers.livejournal.com 2012-05-23 09:32 am (UTC)(link)
Yes! This was simply perfect! It irks me to no end when people simply say that Louis doesn't want to come out because he's scared. I have trouble describing his reasons for acting the way he does, but you! Ah you! You've brought my words to life! He's simply protective. So many gems in this short piece, simply too many to quote! But I absolutely loved that you're one of those people who don't give Harry and Louis such two dimensional characteristics - where Louis' apparently only ever a 'joke' - that I see everywhere. Aaaand, you captured Harry's blind innocence perfectly. He's such a young heart. Thank you for writing this amazing piece, I hope to see more! :) .xx

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-05-23 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Yay! Thank you! Yes, my head canon doesn't have Louis running scared, but from all the fic I've been reading, it seems I'm perhaps in the minority. It's nice to run across someone like-minded. I appreciate the kind words and I'm glad you enjoyed it! I definitely plan to write more in this fandom, once I have other obligations out of the way. <3

[identity profile] larry-shippers.livejournal.com 2012-05-24 09:36 am (UTC)(link)
Yes! I mean, if he was really scared/unsure about his sexuality I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have pursued Harry in the first place! And it's often the minorities that come out on top, because they're free thinkers and aren't afraid to go against what they're hand fed. I shall sit here patiently awaiting a new piece of absolute glory that is your writing :) .xx

[identity profile] itskatea.livejournal.com 2012-09-14 06:58 am (UTC)(link)
I can't even tell you how many times I've read this. Its been bookmarked on my computer since May, and I've read it at least weekly. Its so perfect and realistic, and makes me long for a love like theirs.

[identity profile] arcadianmaggie.livejournal.com 2012-09-15 04:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! Best compliment in the world is that a story is re-readable! And their love... it's big!! :)

I'm glad you liked it!! <3