Fic - I Wept Not [4/24]
Jan. 27th, 2012 10:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arcadianmaggieSummary: Jasper is a war weary soldier burdened by the weight of eternity. Edward is an uncomplicated high school student content to hide his sexuality. Together can Jasper find something to live for and Edward discover some things are worth dying for? AU, slash.
Chapter 3 | Masterpost
"Now as I was young and easy under the apple boughs
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green,
The night above the dingle starry,
Time let me hail and climb
Golden in the heydays of his eyes,
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns"
- Dylan Thomas, "Fern Hill," l. 1-6
Chapter 4 – Prince of the Apple Towns
EPOV
I waited by my car after school was out. Bella Swan may have ruined my chance to sit with Mike in class, but I was determined to get some time with him today, before practice started up again. We'd often head to one of our houses together after school while our parents were still at work. Usually, all we did was eat and play video games. I didn't care. I just liked being with him. Mike was on the football team and once practice geared up again, he wouldn't have much time to hang out. I loved it when football season was finally over. Baseball pre-season conditioning would start up then and I'd see a lot of sweaty, straining Mike as we lifted weights together in the gym. Once baseball season really got under way, it was perfect. Practice together after school, parties after our wins, bus rides to away games. Perfect.
I would have loved to play football with Mike. Loved the chance to ram my body into his and tackle him on the field. Or be tackled by him and feel his strong body pinning me to the ground. I'd love having the excuse to be able to touch him like that. Unfortunately, I was gone for so long over the summer that I could never make any of the pre-season practices or games. It just made more sense for me to take up cross country instead. I loved to run and I was good at it. I could have played basketball. I was tall and generally people expected it, but I never had much interest in it.
I finally saw Mike exit the school and yelled out to him, "You coming over?"
He yelled back, "Yeah, meet you there." Good.
When he got to my house, we raided the kitchen for some drinks and a snack then headed down to the game room to start on some serious pwnage. I loved playing video games with Mike. We could play for hours, just shooting the shit and having fun. It didn't matter what game we were playing; I almost always won. Mike didn't seem to mind. He was an eternal optimist, convinced he would someday take me down. Wasn't going to happen.
As we settled into our afternoon, I knew it wouldn't be long before he asked me about Bella Swan. Sure enough, it was the first subject he brought up.
"Hey dumbass, I thought we were going to be lab partners this year," he said.
"Uh, yeah, sorry about that," I stuttered back. Before I could elaborate, Mike continued.
"Not that I blame you! Girl is hot! You gonna try and tap that? If not, I'd like to take a run at her myself. We had a moment during lunch today. I think she wants me!" he said wagging his eyebrows. "Hey, did you get to touch her boobies when she fell?"
"You're such a dick, Mike," I replied, continuing to keep my attention on the TV screen where I was currently kicking his ass.
I hated having these sorts of conversations with Mike. I had hung around the guys long enough to know they all loved bragging about how irresistible to women they were. And good Lord did they like talking about boobies. In reality, Ben was probably the only one who was actually getting laid, since he and Angela, the pastor's daughter, had been together since last year. I knew Mike wasn't a virgin, and although he talked like a douche bag, he was actually pretty nice when it came to girls. He had dated a lot of the ones at school, and they never had anything bad to say about him after they broke up. In fact they were all still pretty friendly with him. He was a smooth motherfucker.
"So?" he pressed. "What do you think? Are you interested in her?" His tone was casual, but he was curiously intent on getting a response, paying attention a little too closely to my answer. I knew then that Mike was very interested in Bella and was trying to gauge if I was interested in her too.
I put my game controller down and looked at him. His eyes were so blue. They were unreal. "To tell you the truth, I hadn't really thought about her," I lied smoothly. Of course I had thought about her. I had thought of nothing but Bella Swan all afternoon. Thought about how much I hated her, that is.
"Fuck, Edward, you looked pretty cozy there in the middle of the room, all gallant and shit, helping her with her books. She probably creamed herself just looking at you." Obviously, he hadn't noticed the death glare I had trained on her during class.
"Are you going for her? Tyler's no competition, but if you're after her too, I'm screwed."
We had had this conversation before. Mike maintained I was so good looking that if I even bothered to unleash my charms on the unsuspecting female population of Forks, I could have any girl I wanted. Of course I wasn't interesting in unleashing anything on any of the girls in Forks; the only person in Forks I was interested in was Mike. I always liked to focus on the part of the conversation where he thought I was good looking.
"She's not really my type, Mike," I assured him. "You know I like blondes." That part wasn't a lie, at least. I did like blondes. With bright blue eyes and nice white teeth. And broad shoulders. And cute smiles. I don't know why I tortured myself like this.
"So you don't mind if I take a crack at the luscious Ms. Swan? You know I'd back off if you were seriously into her, right?"
"Yeah, I know, Mike. It's cool. Have at it," I told him.
"Not like you have a chance any way," I added, laughing. "I witnessed your 'moment' this afternoon," I said, making quotation marks in the air with my fingers. "It looked to me like she was about to tell you to fuck off."
"Fuck you, asshole," he said, taking a pillow and smacking me in the face with it, laughing back.
"Ow, shit!" I yelled, grabbing the pillow and smacking him back. God, forget the stupid pillow. I wanted him to use his hands and wrestle me to the ground instead.
Unfortunately, right then I heard my Mom coming down the stairs to the basement. "Hey boys," she greeted us. "How was the first day back?"
"Hey Mom," I answered. "It was the usual. Forced incarceration combined with inhumane torture. Did you know they plan to make us read books? And do math?" I shuddered in mock horror.
"That's awful, honey," she replied dismissively.
She turned to Mike. "Mike, dear, do you want to stay for dinner? I brought home some Chinese. Ed's going to be late and we've got plenty."
Please say yes, I thought.
"That sounds great, Mrs. Masen. Let me call my Mom and let her know," he said pulling out his cell phone.
"Just come up when you're ready, boys," she said, walking back up the stairs.
Mom had the cartons out on the counter when we came upstairs and was getting plates out for us. Once we had our food loaded up, we grabbed a few sodas and moved into the dining room to eat.
"So Mike," my Mom asked, "what classes are you taking this year?"
"Mostly the same as Edward," Mike replied. "English, History, Biology, PE, but Algebra II instead of pre-calculus, like genius here," he said, gesturing to me.
"Did you boys meet Charlie Swan's daughter?" she asked next. Of course she did. A new student in our little town was big news for everyone.
"Sure did," Mike answered. "She sat with us at lunch today. She's hot," he added.
"Dude, you're talking to my Mom," I said, rolling my eyes. At least he wasn't talking about her boobies again.
He just grinned, unapologetically. He was so cute.
"Well, she is," he continued. "Not only did we have lunch with her, but my boy Eddie snagged her as his biology partner." He reached out his fist to bump mine. Mike was the only one I ever allowed to call me Eddie, which I hated. But by God, I loved it when he called me his boy.
"Oh, Edward," my Mom gushed. "I'm so happy to hear that. It must be hard for her coming to a new town right in the middle of high school. She must really miss all the friends she had to leave behind. I'm glad she has you boys looking out for her."
Instantly, I felt terrible. I hadn't given a single thought to how Bella might feel-a new town, a new school, having to make new friends. I was too busy being angry with her for accidentally tripping and having hellaciously bad timing. I had glared at her during lunch as well. Yes, she had ruined my plans for Biology, but I guess I had ruined her first day too. She probably hated me. I felt guilty, pretending to be the good citizen my Mom thought I was. I sucked.
I just nodded to my Mom as Mike went on about how he definitely had plans to keep Ms. Swan company this year. I resolved to apologize to her tomorrow. Not only because I had been a complete shit head to her, but if Mike was planning to date her, I'd need to be on her good side if I wanted them to spend time with me too. Football and cross country would already eat up enough of our free time; I didn't need his new girlfriend keeping him away from me too.
Not that Bella was his new girlfriend. But if Mike was interested in her, she would be eventually. Who wouldn't want Mike Newton as a boyfriend?
Putting my plan in motion, I tried to apologize to Bella during lunch the following day. She evaded my every attempt. She refused to look me in the eye and sat as far away from me as possible. I was frustrated, but bided my time. I knew she wouldn't be able to avoid me once we were in Biology class.
I got there before her and was already seated when she arrived. I greeted her the moment she sat down.
"Hi, I'm Edward Masen," I said to the side of her head. She still wouldn't look at me. "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself to you yesterday." I had my most charming smile plastered on my face, waiting for her to acknowledge me.
For a minute, I thought she was going to continue to ignore me. Then after a long pause, she turned her head slightly in my direction, still avoiding my eyes and said, "Hi."
Well, that was a bust.
I tried again, "You're Bella, right?"
Another long pause, and then she simply responded, "Yes."
I suddenly understood what the saying "like pulling teeth" meant. I needed to find something to talk about that required more than these one word responses.
"You're from Phoenix, right?" I asked her, then continued on, not expecting an answer. "How are you finding the weather here?"
She turned to look at me fully then, her big brown eyes flashing in annoyance. "Seriously?" she asked. "You're asking me about the weather?" her voice was incredulous.
I sighed heavily. I sucked at this. I decided to can the bullshit and cut to the chase.
"Look," I told her. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I know I was rude to you. I don't have a good excuse. I was just having a bad day and I took it out on you."
She continued to stare at me like I was from outer space or something.
I tried one more time. "I know I probably made your first day here pretty unpleasant. I truly am sorry," I said quietly.
I was starting to lose my nerve under her silent stare. I faltered and dropped my eyes from hers. "Well," I said uncertainly. "I just wanted you to know that."
I turned to face the front of the room as Mr. Banner entered. I felt uncomfortable. I fiddled with my pen in my hands, keeping my head down. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to fix this.
Then I heard a quiet voice next to me. "It's ok."
My head snapped up. "Yeah?" I asked her, searching her face. Was she serious?
"Yeah," she answered, giving me a small smile. She was really pretty when she smiled.
I felt relieved. I hadn't liked how guilty I had felt. I was glad she was willing to forgive my asshole behavior. I returned her smile with a big one of my own, feeling pretty good about the whole apology thing.
I heard her breath catch then she blushed and looked away from me, hiding behind her hair again. I was instantly filled with uncertainty again. Girls were so confusing. She had forgiven me, hadn't she?
I decided I had just better ask her. I reached over and pushed her hair back from her face, so I could see her expression when I talked to her. She jumped in surprise and blushed even harder. I plowed ahead anyway.
"So we're good?" I asked her.
She nodded once, not meeting my gaze. "We're good."
Over the next few weeks I got to know Bella better. She was easy to be around. She didn't talk a lot like many of the other girls I hung out with. She never seemed to talk just to talk. She was quiet, but it was a comfortable quiet. I liked it.
Mike continued to pursue her, sitting with her at lunch every day, flirting with her outrageously. As much as I wished he was focusing all that attention and energy on me, I couldn't help but admire his persistence. It was fun watching him in action. Bella didn't seem to mind. She joked back with him and kidded around, all the while extricating herself from any sort of date commitment with an impressive finesse. Occasionally, she'd catch my eye and give me a small smile with a little eye roll at one of Mike's more ballsy moves. I liked that we were becoming friends after such a rocky start.
Biology class was a lot more enjoyable with her in it too. As much as I had wanted Mike to sit next to me, Bella turned out to be the perfect lab partner. She was really smart and efficient. We were always done long before anyone else in the class. We'd hang out and talk while everyone else was struggling through the assignment. Mr. Banner didn't seem to care. We were the two best students in the class, so he let us do whatever we wanted as long as we were quiet.
I learned all about her family, how she had been born here in Forks, but moved to Phoenix when her parents split. How she'd spend summers here with her Father, hanging out with his friends on the reservation. How her Mother had married a minor league ball player and really missed him when he traveled. Bella asked her Dad if she could come to Forks, so her Mom could travel with him and wouldn't be unhappy. Her self sacrifice made an impression on me. I wondered if I was too selfish to do something like that.
I told her about my family, about our yearly travels during the summers. She loved hearing the details about all the other countries I had visited, and I think I appreciated them more watching her enthusiastic response to my stories. She had never been anywhere outside the United States except for a resort in Mexico when her Mother got remarried and she said it might as well have been in California it was so touristy generic.
I told her about growing up in Forks and what it was like living in a town where you had the same 60-70 kids in your class year after year and everybody knew your business. I told her stories about Mike and Angela and the rest of the gang and tried to fill her in on stuff that she would just know if she had lived here all her life like I had.
We talked about books and movies and music. We liked a lot of the same things, but differed enough that we could get some intense discussions going. She didn't seem as girly as some of the other girls in the class, but her tastes ran decidedly towards the romances. I learned that her favorite author was Jane Austen and her favorite movie was A Room With A View. She learned my favorite author was Martin Amis and my favorite movie was Fight Club (what else).
On game nights she'd join me and the rest of the gang to cheer Mike and Tyler on. Mike loved it when we showed up to a game. I loved having the excuse to stare at him to my heart's content. He'd always wave at us and yell, "Eddie!" "Bella!" which always made her blush bright red. She preferred to stay in the background and not be the center of attention. I thought her blushing was cute and told her so. She rolled her eyes while blushing even deeper saying, "Well, good, since I do it often enough." She always passed up the booze when it was handed around and I guessed it was because her Dad was the police chief. I usually skipped it too, since I always drove.
We'd wait for Mike after the game before heading to whatever party was going on and he'd greet me with, "Eddie, my boy, are you trying to horn in on my girl again," while wrapping his arm around Bella's shoulders. Bella would shrug his arm off with exaggerated irritation saying, "I'm not your girl, Mike." He'd just grin that cute grin of his and say, "Yet."
Even though it had only been a month or so, I felt like I had known Bella forever. She fit in with our gang like she had been here all her life. It was hard for me to believe that I had once hated her.
At the beginning of October, Mike came over one afternoon to check out some study guides my parents had bought me for the PSAT. We'd both be taking it in a few weeks.
"Hey, Edward," he turned to me. "Do you think you could help me with something?" he asked.
"Sure," I answered. "What is it? Math or English?"
"Oh, nothing like that. These books are great. I think I have a handle on what to expect. No, this is about Bella."
"What about Bella?" I asked.
"Well, you know Homecoming's coming up on the 16th… I want to take her to the dance."
"Oh. That's great." I responded in what I hoped was a neutral tone.
"Yeah, well, it will be great, if she'll agree to go out with me. You gotta help me, Eddie! I'm getting nowhere with that girl." He sounded frustrated.
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked him.
"C'mon. Put in a good word for me. I see how tight the two of you are now. You're always talking all through Biology and hanging out together. Just tell her I'm a good guy. Convince her to give me a shot. You know me! She'll listen to you."
"I don't know, Mike," I hedged. I didn't really want to get involved in Mike's dating life. Unless, of course, that dating life included me.
"Please, Edward," he begged. "I really like her."
And I knew once I looked into his pleading blue eyes I'd do anything he asked.
"Ok, Mike," I told him. "I'll do what I can."
"Thanks, Eddie!" he said, clapping me on the back. "You're the best."
On Monday I decided against subtlety. I'd just tell Bella Mike wanted to take her to the dance and that she should go. I had my game plan ready by the time Biology rolled around. Once class got underway, I turned to her and whispered, "Hey Bella." I leaned my chin down to rest on top of my arms which were folded across the desk.
She leaned down to copy my pose and tilted her head to look at me. "What?" she asked.
"So Mike really wants to go out with you. He's going to ask you to the Homecoming Dance on the 16th. You should go." There. I had done my part.
She was quiet for a minute, staring at me, but not responding. Finally she said, "I don't dance." Obviously, this wasn't going to be as easy as I had hoped.
"So what?" I replied. "Just go and hang out. You don't have to dance at those things."
"I don't want to go," she insisted.
"Well, then go to movies or something instead. Mike really wants to take you out." I didn't think Mike would care if they went to the dance or not.
"He's not my type," Bella said.
"Well, what is your type?" I asked.
She blushed and looked uncomfortable and was quiet, dragging out her response again. "Just… not him," she finally said.
"Why not?" I pressed. "Mike's really great. I've known him all my life. He's funny. He's smart. He's nice. He's a good looking guy and he really likes you. Why don't you want to go out with him?"
"I just don't," she whispered, starting to sound annoyed. Mike so owed me.
"I don't see why you won't just give him a chance. I know he can act like a douche bag sometimes, but he's really a good guy." I wasn't giving up yet.
"Ugh!" she huffed. She looked pretty pissed now. "I told you. I don't want to go out with him! If you like him so much, why don't you go out with him?" she hissed angrily.
I froze when she said that. I knew she was only venting, but that hit a little too close to home. I couldn't say anything.
She was glaring at me and I turned away from her to face the front of the room. My hands were sweating. I sat up and wiped them against my jeans.
A few seconds later I heard her whisper, "Oh my god." I ignored her.
"Oh my god," she repeated. I turned to look at her, annoyance written all over my face.
"What?" I asked.
"You like him," she whispered.
"What?" I sneered, curling my lip.
"You like him. You like Mike," she insisted.
I swallowed nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said, turning away from her again.
Thank god she let it drop. When class was over, I grabbed my stuff and left without looking at her. I felt like vomiting.
Bella was waiting for me when I got out of my history class. I walked past her without looking at her.
"Edward," she called, running after me. "Wait."
I kept walking. I heard her following me, trying to keep up with my fast stride.
"Please, Edward. Wait up," she said. "I need to talk to you."
I stopped and looked at her. "I need to get to practice," I said. I turned and walked away from her again, not waiting for a response.
My mind was in turmoil as I ran around the track. I hadn't told anyone I was gay. I knew my Mom suspected and I had the feeling that Angela knew too, although we never talked about it, but I had never actually said anything or confirmed it to anyone. And here, a girl I had practically just met figured it out while barely knowing me. If I had gotten that bad at hiding it, it wouldn't be long before everyone knew. I wasn't ready to be the token gay student of Forks High. It wasn't anyone's business but my own. God, if Mike found out… I hated to even think of how he'd react.
I wondered if Bella would say anything to anyone. Surely she wouldn't, would she? I could always deny it. At that thought I felt sick to my stomach again. I leaned over with my hands against my knees, panting heavily. I heard Coach calling to me. I looked up and saw I was the last one on the track. Coach was walking over to me.
"Edward, I appreciate the dedication, but go home. Practice is over."
I nodded in acknowledgment, still catching my breath.
"Good job. See you Wednesday," Coach said patting me on the back then started walking towards the parking lot.
I started to make my way to the stands to get my things and was startled to see Bella and Alice sitting there. When they realized I saw them, Alice leaned in to say something to Bella then left leaving Bella alone. She stood up as I approached her.
"Hey, Edward," she said softly. "Can we talk?"
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. "Yeah," I said, resigned.
She sat back down on the bleacher then patted the spot next to her. I sat down and waited for her to say something.
"I'm not going to tell anybody," she said.
I realized it was stupid to even think about denying it. "Okay," I said. "Thanks."
We sat in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say.
Finally she asked, "Does anybody else know?"
"No," I said softly.
She put her hand on my arm. "I'm sorry how I reacted before," she said. "I was just surprised."
I turned to look at her. "Was I that obvious?" I asked.
"No. Yes," she replied. "I don't know. I guess I've just really gotten to know you."
"Yeah, well now you know me better than anyone in Forks," I said with a small laugh.
We sat quietly. She slid the hand that was on my arm down to my hand and wrapped her fingers around mine, squeezing them softly.
"No one's going to care, Edward," she said.
"You don't know that," I retorted, because she didn't.
"I'm not ready to be out in Forks. I always thought I'd wait until I was in college and away from this small town before telling people I was gay." There. I had said it out loud. It was a relief to admit it to someone else.
"Your secret is safe with me," she said, giving my hand another squeeze, and I knew it was.
The next day in Biology, Bella whispered to me as soon as class got started, "Hey Edward. I had an idea."
"What's that?" I whispered back.
"I could be your girlfriend," she answered, blushing.
"What? You mean like my beard?" I asked, shocked at her suggestion.
"Yeah. You take me to Homecoming. We'll be official. You won't need to worry about people finding out and I can get all these guys to stop bugging me. It's a win-win."
"I thought you didn't dance," I smirked. She rolled her eyes at me. "Wait. What do you mean all these guys? You mean Mike?" I asked.
"And Eric. And Tyler," she said. Huh. I knew Tyler had joked about getting Bella to go out with him before, but I guess I hadn't noticed him actually putting forth the effort. And Eric? I didn't think he had it in him.
"Well, what about Mike?" I asked. "He's my best friend. I told him I'd put in a good word for him with you, so you'd go out with him. I can't do that to him."
"Look, Edward," Bella said, "I'm never going to go out with Mike. Never. Not going to happen. For one, Jessica likes him and I would never do that to her. Secondly, I told you he's not my type."
"Oh, so you wouldn't do that to Jessica, but you want me to do the same thing to Mike? Hypocritical much, Bella?"
"It's not the same thing," she insisted.
"Yeah. It kind of is," I said.
"It's not. Jessica actually has a chance with Mike. Mike has no chance with me."
"That's beside the point. Bros before hoes, Bella," I told her.
"Ugh. I hate that saying," she said in a disgusted tone of voice. "Just think about it. If you didn't have a thing for Mike would you worry this much about asking me out? I mean, if I told him that I wanted to ask you to Homecoming, but you wouldn't say yes because you thought it'd be disloyal to him, what do you think he'd say?"
I knew what he'd probably say. He had told me before that he'd back off if I was interested in Bella.
"I'll think about it," I told her.
"Good," she said, with a smug smile.
-o-
I stood in front of the mirror straightening my tie. It was a light grey silk with a subtle blue and black geometric design on it. I wore black dress pants, a white dress shirt, black shoes and a black blazer. I looked pretty sharp, if I did say so myself. I knew I was probably a little more dressed up than many of the other students would be, but I wanted to look good.
After thinking about Bella's idea, I had really warmed to it. It's not like we didn't hang out together all the time anyway. It would definitely stop any questions about why I never seemed to date. My only real worry was how Mike would take it. I felt like I was betraying him since I knew he had been crushing on Bella for weeks. Bella assured me that she would handle Mike and it wouldn't ruin our friendship.
Sure enough, Mike approached me at lunch and asked, "So you and Bella, huh?"
I looked up at him startled. "Uh, well," I stammered.
Mike laughed. "Relax, dude. Bella told me she asked you out. Are you going to say yes?"
"I haven't decided. What do you think about it?" I deflected.
"Can't say that I'm happy about it," he said. My heart fell. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Mike. "But like I told you at the beginning the year, if you're interested, I'll step aside. I wish you had just told me then. I wouldn't have made such an ass of myself to her this past month."
"It wasn't like that, Mike," I hastened to assure him. "We've gotten to know each other really well lately."
"She's a cool chick. I mean, I like her. But if she's got her sights set on you, I know I don't have a chance anyway." He sounded resigned.
"Well, she told me that Jessica has a thing for you," I told him.
He perked up. "Really?"
"Yeah. It's why she won't go out with you. Jessica's her BFF or something. She gave me some bullshit about girl code."
"Huh," was all he said.
"Jessica's gotten pretty hot this past year," I continued.
"She has, hasn't she," he said thoughtfully.
"So are we cool?" I asked him. "You won't hate me if Bella and I go out?"
"We're cool, Eddie," he answered. "Always."
When I told my Mom about my date with Bella, she looked shocked. She quickly recovered, schooling her features into a smile then gave me a tight squeeze.
"My little boy is all grown up," she said.
"Mom," I whined, pulling away from her. She just laughed at me.
She had helped me with my outfit though, and picking out a corsage. I appreciated it. I didn't know I was supposed to ask about Bella's dress color and coordinate my tie to match. She also suggested a wrist corsage in case Bella's dress was strapless. She insisted that I bring Bella back to the house before heading to the dance so she could take pictures of the two of us together.
I was nervous as I pulled up to the Chief's house. I didn't know why. It's not like we were really dating. We were two friends helping each other out. Chief Swan didn't know that though. Plus, he carried a gun.
He answered the door after I knocked, not smiling.
"Good evening, Chief Swan," I said in my most well mannered voice. "I'm here to pick up Bella for the dance."
"Hmmff," he grunted in reply. "Come on in. She's not quite ready."
I followed him into the house. I stood there nervously, shifting from one foot to the next as I waited for Bella.
Chief Swan finally broke the uncomfortable silence. "So how are Liz and Ed?" he asked.
"They're doing well, Sir," I answered. "My Mom says hello."
Just then Bella came down the stairs. Thank God.
She looked really pretty. She had on a blue silky looking dress and low silver heels. She had curled her hair and it was pinned back from her face. She was wearing make-up. She looked nervously between her Dad and me.
"Hi Edward," she said awkwardly.
"Hi Bella," I said. "You look really nice." She did.
She smiled at me and I finally relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad. It was just me and Bella, hanging out. But in nicer clothes. "Thanks," she said.
"Oh, I brought this for you," I said, holding out the corsage.
Her smile grew bigger. "Thank you," she said, reaching out for it. "Will you help me put it on?"
I opened the container and slipped the corsage over her wrist. "Ready to go?" I asked her.
She nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dad," she told him, kissing his cheek.
"Have fun kids," he grunted. "One AM, Bella," he added.
"Thank you Sir," I said, reaching out my hand to shake his.
"No drinking," Chief Swan said to me sternly as we headed out.
I nodded in acknowledgement. I opened the door for Bella when we got to the car and she giggled.
"Such a gentleman," she said.
"Absolutely," I grinned.
"You look nice too," she said as I slid into the driver's seat.
"Thanks," I replied. "My Mom picked out my tie." I laughed at my admission.
"She actually wants us to stop by the house before we go to the dance so she can take pictures. Do you mind?" I asked her.
"No, I don't mind. It will be nice to meet her," Bella replied.
When we got to my house my Mother pulled Bella into a big hug. "You look lovely, dear," she told her. "I'm so happy to finally meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too," Bella said, her cheeks turning pink.
My Dad came into the room and my Mother let go of Bella to introduce them. "Ed, this is Bella, Charlie Swan's daughter and Edward's date." She emphasized the word date. Could this be any more embarrassing?
Bella held out her hand to shake his, and he took it, raising it up to his lips instead saying, "It's a pleasure to meet such a beautiful young lady." God, he was so over the top sometimes.
Bella giggled. "Thank you. Nice to meet you too, Mr. Masen."
After we posed for too many pictures, we left my parents' house and were on our way.
"I can see where you got your good looks from," Bella said once we got in the car. "Your Dad is dreamy. And your Mom's really pretty too."
"Did you really just call my Dad dreamy, Bella?" I asked in a skeptical voice. "Really, Bella?"
She just laughed.
"You think I'm good looking?" I asked next turning to her with a cocky grin.
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You have to know how gorgeous you are. Half the girls in school are in love with you. I'll probably make, like, fifty enemies the minute we walk through that door tonight."
"Right," I scoffed in disbelief.
"It's true," she insisted.
"No way. Don't you think I would have noticed something like that?"
"Whatever, Edward," she said, effectively ending the conversation.
We were here anyway. The Homecoming dance was being held in the school gym. We stood in the doorway taking in the scene. It was decorated with navy and gold streamers everywhere. They had somehow hung a disco ball from the ceiling and it was spinning, throwing sparkles of light on the dance floor. It looked like something out of a bad '80s movie.
"Well, let's go make you some enemies," I said, holding out my arm for Bella.
She looked at me with a warm smile and put her hand through my elbow, nodding she was ready.
I don't know what I was expecting, but the dance turned out to be fun. Bella absolutely refused to get out on the dance floor for anything that wasn't a slow dance, so we spent most of the night at a table with our group of friends. Mike ended up asking Jessica and Tyler had taken Alice. Ben and Angela were there as well and I had seen Rosalie and Emmett with a group of seniors.
Tyler had snuck in some alcohol so he and Mike were pretty buzzed. They were trying to outdo each other on the dance floor with cheesy flashy moves and extremely lame attempts at break dancing. Jessica kept rolling her eyes at Mike and huffing in annoyance, but I could tell she secretly thought he was cute. So did I. He was wearing a dark blue suit with a blue button down underneath and no tie. It really brought out his eyes.
Bella nudged me with her elbow and I realized I was staring. "C'mon," she said. "Let's dance."
It was another slow song. I took her hand and walked with her to the dance floor. She put her arms around my neck while I put mine on her hips and we swayed to the music. I had never slow danced with a girl before tonight. My Mother had signed me up for ballroom dance when I was 13, but this was totally different. It felt nice. She was small and soft and warm pressed up against me. I wrapped my hands further around her waist and pulled her closer.
"Are you having fun?" she asked.
"Yeah, I actually am," I told her. "But I'm kind of ready to leave unless you want to stay." Angela and Ben were already making out on the dance floor and I didn't want to stick around to watch Mike and Jessica start that shit up.
"No, I'm good. We can go after this song."
We said our goodbyes to the group, and after making sure that neither Tyler nor Mike were driving, we left.
"It's kind of early still," Bella said. "Do you want to do anything else? Or we could just hang out at my house for a while and watch a movie or something. My Dad's at work."
"Sure, that sounds good," I said.
I pulled up to her house and parked the car then hurried around to open the passenger side door for her.
"Your Mother would be proud, Edward," she told me with a smirk.
I just smiled back and offered her my arm as I walked her up the front steps. I waited while she unlocked the door then followed her inside.
She suddenly seemed nervous. "Um, I'm just going to run upstairs and change real quick. Make yourself at home."
I went into the living room while she was upstairs changing and took off my jacket, laying it across the back of a chair. I pulled off my tie as well and unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt. I kicked off my shoes and sat down to wait on the couch. Much better.
Bella came downstairs a few minutes later. She was wearing grey sweat pants and an oversize Spartans T-shirt.
I pointed at the T-shirt. "A Spartans shirt? You don't seem the type."
She snorted. "Well, you know how Alice gets about school spirit. She'd have me in navy and gold from head to toe if I let her. This is our compromise. And since it's Homecoming and all…" she trailed off smiling.
"Very appropriate," I acknowledged.
"You want to pick out a movie while I make some popcorn?" she asked, gesturing to the shelf next to the TV.
"Sure, that sounds great."
I picked out a comedy and when Bella came back with the popcorn a couple of Cokes, we settled on the couch next to each other to watch it. It was fun and relaxing. She'd make jokes during the movie and I'd make some back and soon we were cracking each other up. When the movie was over, I helped Bella carry our bowls into the kitchen then went back to the living room. "I guess I should get going," I said, sitting down to put on my shoes.
"Okay," Bella responded.
I stood up to get my jacket and suddenly I was nervous. Was I supposed to kiss her? She wasn't really my girlfriend, but we kind of did the whole date thing anyway with the corsage and pictures and everything. Would that be weird? I decided I'd just ask her.
"Am I supposed to kiss you goodnight?" I asked.
Now she looked uncomfortable too. "Um, I don't know," she answered. "Do you want to?" she asked.
I ran my hand through my hair, thinking. "I don't know. I've never actually kissed a girl," I admitted.
"Me either," she replied then rolled her eyes when I snorted. We were both laughing now.
"I mean I've never been kissed at all before," she clarified.
"Well, neither have I. I'm game if you're game," I told her. "That is, if you want your first kiss to be from your gay fake boyfriend."
Now she was really laughing. "I could do worse," she said. "Are you sure you want your first kiss to be from your straight fake girlfriend beard?" she asked.
I cocked my head and smiled, "I could do worse." She smiled back.
"So we're going to do this?" I asked. She looked at me and nodded her head yes.
"Okay," I let out a deep breath. I walked to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She looked even more nervous than I was. "Relax," I told her, trying to will myself to do the same. My heart was pounding.
I leaned down and felt her breath on my face. I saw her eyes flutter closed then I pressed my lips to hers. I moved my mouth so that my lips were caressing her top lip and I felt hers moving against my bottom one. They were soft and warm and felt good against my mouth. I could feel her body close to mine. It was nice. Sweet. I liked it.
I pulled back and saw her lips curve into a small smile. Her eyes were still closed. Her expression made me smile.
"So how was it?" I asked.
She opened her eyes and smiled at me. "It was the best first kiss I've ever had," she told me.
"Me too," I told her grinning. "Do you want to try it again with tongue?"
"Really?" she asked looking surprised and also a little excited.
"Yes, really," I said. "But remember I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Well we're smart people. I'm sure we'll be able to figure it out," she retorted.
"Okay," I replied, leaning towards her again.
Our lips met for the second time and I felt her sigh into my mouth. I reached out my tongue and ran it lightly along her bottom lip. Her mouth opened and I felt her tongue poke out and caress the tip of my own. It was so intimate, but it felt nice. Different, but nice. I felt her arms reach out and wrap around my neck. Her fingers were in the hair at the nape of my neck. That felt good. I pulled her closer to me so that she was pressed against my chest and slid my tongue down the length of hers, sliding against it, wrapping around it. She made a little moaning noise and pulled me even tighter to her. I was getting turned on.
It felt wonderful. God, if it felt this good with Bella, I could just imagine how it would feel with Mike, his hard body pressed against mine, his strong arms wrapped around me, his beautiful mouth pressed against my own, his breath mingling with mine. I felt myself getting hard and pulled Bella even tighter against me, groaning into her mouth. I pressed my erection against her, wanting to feel her as close as possible, not ever realizing what I was doing.
Our tongues were moving more frantically against each other and our breathing was getting heavier. Bella's body was moving against me and I felt her everywhere. Then she was pushing me backwards until the back of my knees bumped against the couch. I fell back into it, pulling her with me. She straddled my lap rubbing up against my erection and I groaned again into her mouth. My hands reached around to grab her ass, holding her tightly against me. God, that felt unbelievable.
The telephone rang loudly startling us both. Bella jumped off my lap and raced to answer it. I just sat there breathing heavily, willing my body to calm the fuck down.
"Hello?" Bella said into the receiver.
"Yes, I'm home… It was fun… Yeah, he's just leaving… Okay, see you tomorrow." Then she hung up.
She walked back to the couch and sat down next to me.
"That was my Dad. Checking to make sure I got home okay."
"I figured," I said.
We sat there not talking for a minute, not exactly sure what to say.
Then she turned to me and asked, "Are you sure you're gay?"
I gave a little laugh. "Yes, I'm sure Bella."
"But you…" she stopped, blushing and looked away from me. I'm pretty sure she was about to ask me about my erection.
"Bella, I'm a seventeen year old guy. That shit's practically automatic," I told her.
"Oh," she said and was quiet again.
Then she turned to me again, asking, "So how was it with tongue?" and we both busted out laughing.
Chapter 5 | Masterpost | Poetry
Chapter 3 | Masterpost
About the lilting house and happy as the grass was green,
The night above the dingle starry,
Time let me hail and climb
Golden in the heydays of his eyes,
And honoured among wagons I was prince of the apple towns"
- Dylan Thomas, "Fern Hill," l. 1-6
Chapter 4 – Prince of the Apple Towns
EPOV
I waited by my car after school was out. Bella Swan may have ruined my chance to sit with Mike in class, but I was determined to get some time with him today, before practice started up again. We'd often head to one of our houses together after school while our parents were still at work. Usually, all we did was eat and play video games. I didn't care. I just liked being with him. Mike was on the football team and once practice geared up again, he wouldn't have much time to hang out. I loved it when football season was finally over. Baseball pre-season conditioning would start up then and I'd see a lot of sweaty, straining Mike as we lifted weights together in the gym. Once baseball season really got under way, it was perfect. Practice together after school, parties after our wins, bus rides to away games. Perfect.
I would have loved to play football with Mike. Loved the chance to ram my body into his and tackle him on the field. Or be tackled by him and feel his strong body pinning me to the ground. I'd love having the excuse to be able to touch him like that. Unfortunately, I was gone for so long over the summer that I could never make any of the pre-season practices or games. It just made more sense for me to take up cross country instead. I loved to run and I was good at it. I could have played basketball. I was tall and generally people expected it, but I never had much interest in it.
I finally saw Mike exit the school and yelled out to him, "You coming over?"
He yelled back, "Yeah, meet you there." Good.
When he got to my house, we raided the kitchen for some drinks and a snack then headed down to the game room to start on some serious pwnage. I loved playing video games with Mike. We could play for hours, just shooting the shit and having fun. It didn't matter what game we were playing; I almost always won. Mike didn't seem to mind. He was an eternal optimist, convinced he would someday take me down. Wasn't going to happen.
As we settled into our afternoon, I knew it wouldn't be long before he asked me about Bella Swan. Sure enough, it was the first subject he brought up.
"Hey dumbass, I thought we were going to be lab partners this year," he said.
"Uh, yeah, sorry about that," I stuttered back. Before I could elaborate, Mike continued.
"Not that I blame you! Girl is hot! You gonna try and tap that? If not, I'd like to take a run at her myself. We had a moment during lunch today. I think she wants me!" he said wagging his eyebrows. "Hey, did you get to touch her boobies when she fell?"
"You're such a dick, Mike," I replied, continuing to keep my attention on the TV screen where I was currently kicking his ass.
I hated having these sorts of conversations with Mike. I had hung around the guys long enough to know they all loved bragging about how irresistible to women they were. And good Lord did they like talking about boobies. In reality, Ben was probably the only one who was actually getting laid, since he and Angela, the pastor's daughter, had been together since last year. I knew Mike wasn't a virgin, and although he talked like a douche bag, he was actually pretty nice when it came to girls. He had dated a lot of the ones at school, and they never had anything bad to say about him after they broke up. In fact they were all still pretty friendly with him. He was a smooth motherfucker.
"So?" he pressed. "What do you think? Are you interested in her?" His tone was casual, but he was curiously intent on getting a response, paying attention a little too closely to my answer. I knew then that Mike was very interested in Bella and was trying to gauge if I was interested in her too.
I put my game controller down and looked at him. His eyes were so blue. They were unreal. "To tell you the truth, I hadn't really thought about her," I lied smoothly. Of course I had thought about her. I had thought of nothing but Bella Swan all afternoon. Thought about how much I hated her, that is.
"Fuck, Edward, you looked pretty cozy there in the middle of the room, all gallant and shit, helping her with her books. She probably creamed herself just looking at you." Obviously, he hadn't noticed the death glare I had trained on her during class.
"Are you going for her? Tyler's no competition, but if you're after her too, I'm screwed."
We had had this conversation before. Mike maintained I was so good looking that if I even bothered to unleash my charms on the unsuspecting female population of Forks, I could have any girl I wanted. Of course I wasn't interesting in unleashing anything on any of the girls in Forks; the only person in Forks I was interested in was Mike. I always liked to focus on the part of the conversation where he thought I was good looking.
"She's not really my type, Mike," I assured him. "You know I like blondes." That part wasn't a lie, at least. I did like blondes. With bright blue eyes and nice white teeth. And broad shoulders. And cute smiles. I don't know why I tortured myself like this.
"So you don't mind if I take a crack at the luscious Ms. Swan? You know I'd back off if you were seriously into her, right?"
"Yeah, I know, Mike. It's cool. Have at it," I told him.
"Not like you have a chance any way," I added, laughing. "I witnessed your 'moment' this afternoon," I said, making quotation marks in the air with my fingers. "It looked to me like she was about to tell you to fuck off."
"Fuck you, asshole," he said, taking a pillow and smacking me in the face with it, laughing back.
"Ow, shit!" I yelled, grabbing the pillow and smacking him back. God, forget the stupid pillow. I wanted him to use his hands and wrestle me to the ground instead.
Unfortunately, right then I heard my Mom coming down the stairs to the basement. "Hey boys," she greeted us. "How was the first day back?"
"Hey Mom," I answered. "It was the usual. Forced incarceration combined with inhumane torture. Did you know they plan to make us read books? And do math?" I shuddered in mock horror.
"That's awful, honey," she replied dismissively.
She turned to Mike. "Mike, dear, do you want to stay for dinner? I brought home some Chinese. Ed's going to be late and we've got plenty."
Please say yes, I thought.
"That sounds great, Mrs. Masen. Let me call my Mom and let her know," he said pulling out his cell phone.
"Just come up when you're ready, boys," she said, walking back up the stairs.
Mom had the cartons out on the counter when we came upstairs and was getting plates out for us. Once we had our food loaded up, we grabbed a few sodas and moved into the dining room to eat.
"So Mike," my Mom asked, "what classes are you taking this year?"
"Mostly the same as Edward," Mike replied. "English, History, Biology, PE, but Algebra II instead of pre-calculus, like genius here," he said, gesturing to me.
"Did you boys meet Charlie Swan's daughter?" she asked next. Of course she did. A new student in our little town was big news for everyone.
"Sure did," Mike answered. "She sat with us at lunch today. She's hot," he added.
"Dude, you're talking to my Mom," I said, rolling my eyes. At least he wasn't talking about her boobies again.
He just grinned, unapologetically. He was so cute.
"Well, she is," he continued. "Not only did we have lunch with her, but my boy Eddie snagged her as his biology partner." He reached out his fist to bump mine. Mike was the only one I ever allowed to call me Eddie, which I hated. But by God, I loved it when he called me his boy.
"Oh, Edward," my Mom gushed. "I'm so happy to hear that. It must be hard for her coming to a new town right in the middle of high school. She must really miss all the friends she had to leave behind. I'm glad she has you boys looking out for her."
Instantly, I felt terrible. I hadn't given a single thought to how Bella might feel-a new town, a new school, having to make new friends. I was too busy being angry with her for accidentally tripping and having hellaciously bad timing. I had glared at her during lunch as well. Yes, she had ruined my plans for Biology, but I guess I had ruined her first day too. She probably hated me. I felt guilty, pretending to be the good citizen my Mom thought I was. I sucked.
I just nodded to my Mom as Mike went on about how he definitely had plans to keep Ms. Swan company this year. I resolved to apologize to her tomorrow. Not only because I had been a complete shit head to her, but if Mike was planning to date her, I'd need to be on her good side if I wanted them to spend time with me too. Football and cross country would already eat up enough of our free time; I didn't need his new girlfriend keeping him away from me too.
Not that Bella was his new girlfriend. But if Mike was interested in her, she would be eventually. Who wouldn't want Mike Newton as a boyfriend?
Putting my plan in motion, I tried to apologize to Bella during lunch the following day. She evaded my every attempt. She refused to look me in the eye and sat as far away from me as possible. I was frustrated, but bided my time. I knew she wouldn't be able to avoid me once we were in Biology class.
I got there before her and was already seated when she arrived. I greeted her the moment she sat down.
"Hi, I'm Edward Masen," I said to the side of her head. She still wouldn't look at me. "I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to introduce myself to you yesterday." I had my most charming smile plastered on my face, waiting for her to acknowledge me.
For a minute, I thought she was going to continue to ignore me. Then after a long pause, she turned her head slightly in my direction, still avoiding my eyes and said, "Hi."
Well, that was a bust.
I tried again, "You're Bella, right?"
Another long pause, and then she simply responded, "Yes."
I suddenly understood what the saying "like pulling teeth" meant. I needed to find something to talk about that required more than these one word responses.
"You're from Phoenix, right?" I asked her, then continued on, not expecting an answer. "How are you finding the weather here?"
She turned to look at me fully then, her big brown eyes flashing in annoyance. "Seriously?" she asked. "You're asking me about the weather?" her voice was incredulous.
I sighed heavily. I sucked at this. I decided to can the bullshit and cut to the chase.
"Look," I told her. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I know I was rude to you. I don't have a good excuse. I was just having a bad day and I took it out on you."
She continued to stare at me like I was from outer space or something.
I tried one more time. "I know I probably made your first day here pretty unpleasant. I truly am sorry," I said quietly.
I was starting to lose my nerve under her silent stare. I faltered and dropped my eyes from hers. "Well," I said uncertainly. "I just wanted you to know that."
I turned to face the front of the room as Mr. Banner entered. I felt uncomfortable. I fiddled with my pen in my hands, keeping my head down. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to fix this.
Then I heard a quiet voice next to me. "It's ok."
My head snapped up. "Yeah?" I asked her, searching her face. Was she serious?
"Yeah," she answered, giving me a small smile. She was really pretty when she smiled.
I felt relieved. I hadn't liked how guilty I had felt. I was glad she was willing to forgive my asshole behavior. I returned her smile with a big one of my own, feeling pretty good about the whole apology thing.
I heard her breath catch then she blushed and looked away from me, hiding behind her hair again. I was instantly filled with uncertainty again. Girls were so confusing. She had forgiven me, hadn't she?
I decided I had just better ask her. I reached over and pushed her hair back from her face, so I could see her expression when I talked to her. She jumped in surprise and blushed even harder. I plowed ahead anyway.
"So we're good?" I asked her.
She nodded once, not meeting my gaze. "We're good."
Over the next few weeks I got to know Bella better. She was easy to be around. She didn't talk a lot like many of the other girls I hung out with. She never seemed to talk just to talk. She was quiet, but it was a comfortable quiet. I liked it.
Mike continued to pursue her, sitting with her at lunch every day, flirting with her outrageously. As much as I wished he was focusing all that attention and energy on me, I couldn't help but admire his persistence. It was fun watching him in action. Bella didn't seem to mind. She joked back with him and kidded around, all the while extricating herself from any sort of date commitment with an impressive finesse. Occasionally, she'd catch my eye and give me a small smile with a little eye roll at one of Mike's more ballsy moves. I liked that we were becoming friends after such a rocky start.
Biology class was a lot more enjoyable with her in it too. As much as I had wanted Mike to sit next to me, Bella turned out to be the perfect lab partner. She was really smart and efficient. We were always done long before anyone else in the class. We'd hang out and talk while everyone else was struggling through the assignment. Mr. Banner didn't seem to care. We were the two best students in the class, so he let us do whatever we wanted as long as we were quiet.
I learned all about her family, how she had been born here in Forks, but moved to Phoenix when her parents split. How she'd spend summers here with her Father, hanging out with his friends on the reservation. How her Mother had married a minor league ball player and really missed him when he traveled. Bella asked her Dad if she could come to Forks, so her Mom could travel with him and wouldn't be unhappy. Her self sacrifice made an impression on me. I wondered if I was too selfish to do something like that.
I told her about my family, about our yearly travels during the summers. She loved hearing the details about all the other countries I had visited, and I think I appreciated them more watching her enthusiastic response to my stories. She had never been anywhere outside the United States except for a resort in Mexico when her Mother got remarried and she said it might as well have been in California it was so touristy generic.
I told her about growing up in Forks and what it was like living in a town where you had the same 60-70 kids in your class year after year and everybody knew your business. I told her stories about Mike and Angela and the rest of the gang and tried to fill her in on stuff that she would just know if she had lived here all her life like I had.
We talked about books and movies and music. We liked a lot of the same things, but differed enough that we could get some intense discussions going. She didn't seem as girly as some of the other girls in the class, but her tastes ran decidedly towards the romances. I learned that her favorite author was Jane Austen and her favorite movie was A Room With A View. She learned my favorite author was Martin Amis and my favorite movie was Fight Club (what else).
On game nights she'd join me and the rest of the gang to cheer Mike and Tyler on. Mike loved it when we showed up to a game. I loved having the excuse to stare at him to my heart's content. He'd always wave at us and yell, "Eddie!" "Bella!" which always made her blush bright red. She preferred to stay in the background and not be the center of attention. I thought her blushing was cute and told her so. She rolled her eyes while blushing even deeper saying, "Well, good, since I do it often enough." She always passed up the booze when it was handed around and I guessed it was because her Dad was the police chief. I usually skipped it too, since I always drove.
We'd wait for Mike after the game before heading to whatever party was going on and he'd greet me with, "Eddie, my boy, are you trying to horn in on my girl again," while wrapping his arm around Bella's shoulders. Bella would shrug his arm off with exaggerated irritation saying, "I'm not your girl, Mike." He'd just grin that cute grin of his and say, "Yet."
Even though it had only been a month or so, I felt like I had known Bella forever. She fit in with our gang like she had been here all her life. It was hard for me to believe that I had once hated her.
At the beginning of October, Mike came over one afternoon to check out some study guides my parents had bought me for the PSAT. We'd both be taking it in a few weeks.
"Hey, Edward," he turned to me. "Do you think you could help me with something?" he asked.
"Sure," I answered. "What is it? Math or English?"
"Oh, nothing like that. These books are great. I think I have a handle on what to expect. No, this is about Bella."
"What about Bella?" I asked.
"Well, you know Homecoming's coming up on the 16th… I want to take her to the dance."
"Oh. That's great." I responded in what I hoped was a neutral tone.
"Yeah, well, it will be great, if she'll agree to go out with me. You gotta help me, Eddie! I'm getting nowhere with that girl." He sounded frustrated.
"What am I supposed to do?" I asked him.
"C'mon. Put in a good word for me. I see how tight the two of you are now. You're always talking all through Biology and hanging out together. Just tell her I'm a good guy. Convince her to give me a shot. You know me! She'll listen to you."
"I don't know, Mike," I hedged. I didn't really want to get involved in Mike's dating life. Unless, of course, that dating life included me.
"Please, Edward," he begged. "I really like her."
And I knew once I looked into his pleading blue eyes I'd do anything he asked.
"Ok, Mike," I told him. "I'll do what I can."
"Thanks, Eddie!" he said, clapping me on the back. "You're the best."
On Monday I decided against subtlety. I'd just tell Bella Mike wanted to take her to the dance and that she should go. I had my game plan ready by the time Biology rolled around. Once class got underway, I turned to her and whispered, "Hey Bella." I leaned my chin down to rest on top of my arms which were folded across the desk.
She leaned down to copy my pose and tilted her head to look at me. "What?" she asked.
"So Mike really wants to go out with you. He's going to ask you to the Homecoming Dance on the 16th. You should go." There. I had done my part.
She was quiet for a minute, staring at me, but not responding. Finally she said, "I don't dance." Obviously, this wasn't going to be as easy as I had hoped.
"So what?" I replied. "Just go and hang out. You don't have to dance at those things."
"I don't want to go," she insisted.
"Well, then go to movies or something instead. Mike really wants to take you out." I didn't think Mike would care if they went to the dance or not.
"He's not my type," Bella said.
"Well, what is your type?" I asked.
She blushed and looked uncomfortable and was quiet, dragging out her response again. "Just… not him," she finally said.
"Why not?" I pressed. "Mike's really great. I've known him all my life. He's funny. He's smart. He's nice. He's a good looking guy and he really likes you. Why don't you want to go out with him?"
"I just don't," she whispered, starting to sound annoyed. Mike so owed me.
"I don't see why you won't just give him a chance. I know he can act like a douche bag sometimes, but he's really a good guy." I wasn't giving up yet.
"Ugh!" she huffed. She looked pretty pissed now. "I told you. I don't want to go out with him! If you like him so much, why don't you go out with him?" she hissed angrily.
I froze when she said that. I knew she was only venting, but that hit a little too close to home. I couldn't say anything.
She was glaring at me and I turned away from her to face the front of the room. My hands were sweating. I sat up and wiped them against my jeans.
A few seconds later I heard her whisper, "Oh my god." I ignored her.
"Oh my god," she repeated. I turned to look at her, annoyance written all over my face.
"What?" I asked.
"You like him," she whispered.
"What?" I sneered, curling my lip.
"You like him. You like Mike," she insisted.
I swallowed nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said, turning away from her again.
Thank god she let it drop. When class was over, I grabbed my stuff and left without looking at her. I felt like vomiting.
Bella was waiting for me when I got out of my history class. I walked past her without looking at her.
"Edward," she called, running after me. "Wait."
I kept walking. I heard her following me, trying to keep up with my fast stride.
"Please, Edward. Wait up," she said. "I need to talk to you."
I stopped and looked at her. "I need to get to practice," I said. I turned and walked away from her again, not waiting for a response.
My mind was in turmoil as I ran around the track. I hadn't told anyone I was gay. I knew my Mom suspected and I had the feeling that Angela knew too, although we never talked about it, but I had never actually said anything or confirmed it to anyone. And here, a girl I had practically just met figured it out while barely knowing me. If I had gotten that bad at hiding it, it wouldn't be long before everyone knew. I wasn't ready to be the token gay student of Forks High. It wasn't anyone's business but my own. God, if Mike found out… I hated to even think of how he'd react.
I wondered if Bella would say anything to anyone. Surely she wouldn't, would she? I could always deny it. At that thought I felt sick to my stomach again. I leaned over with my hands against my knees, panting heavily. I heard Coach calling to me. I looked up and saw I was the last one on the track. Coach was walking over to me.
"Edward, I appreciate the dedication, but go home. Practice is over."
I nodded in acknowledgment, still catching my breath.
"Good job. See you Wednesday," Coach said patting me on the back then started walking towards the parking lot.
I started to make my way to the stands to get my things and was startled to see Bella and Alice sitting there. When they realized I saw them, Alice leaned in to say something to Bella then left leaving Bella alone. She stood up as I approached her.
"Hey, Edward," she said softly. "Can we talk?"
I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. "Yeah," I said, resigned.
She sat back down on the bleacher then patted the spot next to her. I sat down and waited for her to say something.
"I'm not going to tell anybody," she said.
I realized it was stupid to even think about denying it. "Okay," I said. "Thanks."
We sat in silence for a few minutes. I didn't know what to say.
Finally she asked, "Does anybody else know?"
"No," I said softly.
She put her hand on my arm. "I'm sorry how I reacted before," she said. "I was just surprised."
I turned to look at her. "Was I that obvious?" I asked.
"No. Yes," she replied. "I don't know. I guess I've just really gotten to know you."
"Yeah, well now you know me better than anyone in Forks," I said with a small laugh.
We sat quietly. She slid the hand that was on my arm down to my hand and wrapped her fingers around mine, squeezing them softly.
"No one's going to care, Edward," she said.
"You don't know that," I retorted, because she didn't.
"I'm not ready to be out in Forks. I always thought I'd wait until I was in college and away from this small town before telling people I was gay." There. I had said it out loud. It was a relief to admit it to someone else.
"Your secret is safe with me," she said, giving my hand another squeeze, and I knew it was.
The next day in Biology, Bella whispered to me as soon as class got started, "Hey Edward. I had an idea."
"What's that?" I whispered back.
"I could be your girlfriend," she answered, blushing.
"What? You mean like my beard?" I asked, shocked at her suggestion.
"Yeah. You take me to Homecoming. We'll be official. You won't need to worry about people finding out and I can get all these guys to stop bugging me. It's a win-win."
"I thought you didn't dance," I smirked. She rolled her eyes at me. "Wait. What do you mean all these guys? You mean Mike?" I asked.
"And Eric. And Tyler," she said. Huh. I knew Tyler had joked about getting Bella to go out with him before, but I guess I hadn't noticed him actually putting forth the effort. And Eric? I didn't think he had it in him.
"Well, what about Mike?" I asked. "He's my best friend. I told him I'd put in a good word for him with you, so you'd go out with him. I can't do that to him."
"Look, Edward," Bella said, "I'm never going to go out with Mike. Never. Not going to happen. For one, Jessica likes him and I would never do that to her. Secondly, I told you he's not my type."
"Oh, so you wouldn't do that to Jessica, but you want me to do the same thing to Mike? Hypocritical much, Bella?"
"It's not the same thing," she insisted.
"Yeah. It kind of is," I said.
"It's not. Jessica actually has a chance with Mike. Mike has no chance with me."
"That's beside the point. Bros before hoes, Bella," I told her.
"Ugh. I hate that saying," she said in a disgusted tone of voice. "Just think about it. If you didn't have a thing for Mike would you worry this much about asking me out? I mean, if I told him that I wanted to ask you to Homecoming, but you wouldn't say yes because you thought it'd be disloyal to him, what do you think he'd say?"
I knew what he'd probably say. He had told me before that he'd back off if I was interested in Bella.
"I'll think about it," I told her.
"Good," she said, with a smug smile.
I stood in front of the mirror straightening my tie. It was a light grey silk with a subtle blue and black geometric design on it. I wore black dress pants, a white dress shirt, black shoes and a black blazer. I looked pretty sharp, if I did say so myself. I knew I was probably a little more dressed up than many of the other students would be, but I wanted to look good.
After thinking about Bella's idea, I had really warmed to it. It's not like we didn't hang out together all the time anyway. It would definitely stop any questions about why I never seemed to date. My only real worry was how Mike would take it. I felt like I was betraying him since I knew he had been crushing on Bella for weeks. Bella assured me that she would handle Mike and it wouldn't ruin our friendship.
Sure enough, Mike approached me at lunch and asked, "So you and Bella, huh?"
I looked up at him startled. "Uh, well," I stammered.
Mike laughed. "Relax, dude. Bella told me she asked you out. Are you going to say yes?"
"I haven't decided. What do you think about it?" I deflected.
"Can't say that I'm happy about it," he said. My heart fell. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Mike. "But like I told you at the beginning the year, if you're interested, I'll step aside. I wish you had just told me then. I wouldn't have made such an ass of myself to her this past month."
"It wasn't like that, Mike," I hastened to assure him. "We've gotten to know each other really well lately."
"She's a cool chick. I mean, I like her. But if she's got her sights set on you, I know I don't have a chance anyway." He sounded resigned.
"Well, she told me that Jessica has a thing for you," I told him.
He perked up. "Really?"
"Yeah. It's why she won't go out with you. Jessica's her BFF or something. She gave me some bullshit about girl code."
"Huh," was all he said.
"Jessica's gotten pretty hot this past year," I continued.
"She has, hasn't she," he said thoughtfully.
"So are we cool?" I asked him. "You won't hate me if Bella and I go out?"
"We're cool, Eddie," he answered. "Always."
When I told my Mom about my date with Bella, she looked shocked. She quickly recovered, schooling her features into a smile then gave me a tight squeeze.
"My little boy is all grown up," she said.
"Mom," I whined, pulling away from her. She just laughed at me.
She had helped me with my outfit though, and picking out a corsage. I appreciated it. I didn't know I was supposed to ask about Bella's dress color and coordinate my tie to match. She also suggested a wrist corsage in case Bella's dress was strapless. She insisted that I bring Bella back to the house before heading to the dance so she could take pictures of the two of us together.
I was nervous as I pulled up to the Chief's house. I didn't know why. It's not like we were really dating. We were two friends helping each other out. Chief Swan didn't know that though. Plus, he carried a gun.
He answered the door after I knocked, not smiling.
"Good evening, Chief Swan," I said in my most well mannered voice. "I'm here to pick up Bella for the dance."
"Hmmff," he grunted in reply. "Come on in. She's not quite ready."
I followed him into the house. I stood there nervously, shifting from one foot to the next as I waited for Bella.
Chief Swan finally broke the uncomfortable silence. "So how are Liz and Ed?" he asked.
"They're doing well, Sir," I answered. "My Mom says hello."
Just then Bella came down the stairs. Thank God.
She looked really pretty. She had on a blue silky looking dress and low silver heels. She had curled her hair and it was pinned back from her face. She was wearing make-up. She looked nervously between her Dad and me.
"Hi Edward," she said awkwardly.
"Hi Bella," I said. "You look really nice." She did.
She smiled at me and I finally relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad. It was just me and Bella, hanging out. But in nicer clothes. "Thanks," she said.
"Oh, I brought this for you," I said, holding out the corsage.
Her smile grew bigger. "Thank you," she said, reaching out for it. "Will you help me put it on?"
I opened the container and slipped the corsage over her wrist. "Ready to go?" I asked her.
She nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dad," she told him, kissing his cheek.
"Have fun kids," he grunted. "One AM, Bella," he added.
"Thank you Sir," I said, reaching out my hand to shake his.
"No drinking," Chief Swan said to me sternly as we headed out.
I nodded in acknowledgement. I opened the door for Bella when we got to the car and she giggled.
"Such a gentleman," she said.
"Absolutely," I grinned.
"You look nice too," she said as I slid into the driver's seat.
"Thanks," I replied. "My Mom picked out my tie." I laughed at my admission.
"She actually wants us to stop by the house before we go to the dance so she can take pictures. Do you mind?" I asked her.
"No, I don't mind. It will be nice to meet her," Bella replied.
When we got to my house my Mother pulled Bella into a big hug. "You look lovely, dear," she told her. "I'm so happy to finally meet you."
"It's nice to meet you too," Bella said, her cheeks turning pink.
My Dad came into the room and my Mother let go of Bella to introduce them. "Ed, this is Bella, Charlie Swan's daughter and Edward's date." She emphasized the word date. Could this be any more embarrassing?
Bella held out her hand to shake his, and he took it, raising it up to his lips instead saying, "It's a pleasure to meet such a beautiful young lady." God, he was so over the top sometimes.
Bella giggled. "Thank you. Nice to meet you too, Mr. Masen."
After we posed for too many pictures, we left my parents' house and were on our way.
"I can see where you got your good looks from," Bella said once we got in the car. "Your Dad is dreamy. And your Mom's really pretty too."
"Did you really just call my Dad dreamy, Bella?" I asked in a skeptical voice. "Really, Bella?"
She just laughed.
"You think I'm good looking?" I asked next turning to her with a cocky grin.
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You have to know how gorgeous you are. Half the girls in school are in love with you. I'll probably make, like, fifty enemies the minute we walk through that door tonight."
"Right," I scoffed in disbelief.
"It's true," she insisted.
"No way. Don't you think I would have noticed something like that?"
"Whatever, Edward," she said, effectively ending the conversation.
We were here anyway. The Homecoming dance was being held in the school gym. We stood in the doorway taking in the scene. It was decorated with navy and gold streamers everywhere. They had somehow hung a disco ball from the ceiling and it was spinning, throwing sparkles of light on the dance floor. It looked like something out of a bad '80s movie.
"Well, let's go make you some enemies," I said, holding out my arm for Bella.
She looked at me with a warm smile and put her hand through my elbow, nodding she was ready.
I don't know what I was expecting, but the dance turned out to be fun. Bella absolutely refused to get out on the dance floor for anything that wasn't a slow dance, so we spent most of the night at a table with our group of friends. Mike ended up asking Jessica and Tyler had taken Alice. Ben and Angela were there as well and I had seen Rosalie and Emmett with a group of seniors.
Tyler had snuck in some alcohol so he and Mike were pretty buzzed. They were trying to outdo each other on the dance floor with cheesy flashy moves and extremely lame attempts at break dancing. Jessica kept rolling her eyes at Mike and huffing in annoyance, but I could tell she secretly thought he was cute. So did I. He was wearing a dark blue suit with a blue button down underneath and no tie. It really brought out his eyes.
Bella nudged me with her elbow and I realized I was staring. "C'mon," she said. "Let's dance."
It was another slow song. I took her hand and walked with her to the dance floor. She put her arms around my neck while I put mine on her hips and we swayed to the music. I had never slow danced with a girl before tonight. My Mother had signed me up for ballroom dance when I was 13, but this was totally different. It felt nice. She was small and soft and warm pressed up against me. I wrapped my hands further around her waist and pulled her closer.
"Are you having fun?" she asked.
"Yeah, I actually am," I told her. "But I'm kind of ready to leave unless you want to stay." Angela and Ben were already making out on the dance floor and I didn't want to stick around to watch Mike and Jessica start that shit up.
"No, I'm good. We can go after this song."
We said our goodbyes to the group, and after making sure that neither Tyler nor Mike were driving, we left.
"It's kind of early still," Bella said. "Do you want to do anything else? Or we could just hang out at my house for a while and watch a movie or something. My Dad's at work."
"Sure, that sounds good," I said.
I pulled up to her house and parked the car then hurried around to open the passenger side door for her.
"Your Mother would be proud, Edward," she told me with a smirk.
I just smiled back and offered her my arm as I walked her up the front steps. I waited while she unlocked the door then followed her inside.
She suddenly seemed nervous. "Um, I'm just going to run upstairs and change real quick. Make yourself at home."
I went into the living room while she was upstairs changing and took off my jacket, laying it across the back of a chair. I pulled off my tie as well and unbuttoned the top few buttons of my shirt. I kicked off my shoes and sat down to wait on the couch. Much better.
Bella came downstairs a few minutes later. She was wearing grey sweat pants and an oversize Spartans T-shirt.
I pointed at the T-shirt. "A Spartans shirt? You don't seem the type."
She snorted. "Well, you know how Alice gets about school spirit. She'd have me in navy and gold from head to toe if I let her. This is our compromise. And since it's Homecoming and all…" she trailed off smiling.
"Very appropriate," I acknowledged.
"You want to pick out a movie while I make some popcorn?" she asked, gesturing to the shelf next to the TV.
"Sure, that sounds great."
I picked out a comedy and when Bella came back with the popcorn a couple of Cokes, we settled on the couch next to each other to watch it. It was fun and relaxing. She'd make jokes during the movie and I'd make some back and soon we were cracking each other up. When the movie was over, I helped Bella carry our bowls into the kitchen then went back to the living room. "I guess I should get going," I said, sitting down to put on my shoes.
"Okay," Bella responded.
I stood up to get my jacket and suddenly I was nervous. Was I supposed to kiss her? She wasn't really my girlfriend, but we kind of did the whole date thing anyway with the corsage and pictures and everything. Would that be weird? I decided I'd just ask her.
"Am I supposed to kiss you goodnight?" I asked.
Now she looked uncomfortable too. "Um, I don't know," she answered. "Do you want to?" she asked.
I ran my hand through my hair, thinking. "I don't know. I've never actually kissed a girl," I admitted.
"Me either," she replied then rolled her eyes when I snorted. We were both laughing now.
"I mean I've never been kissed at all before," she clarified.
"Well, neither have I. I'm game if you're game," I told her. "That is, if you want your first kiss to be from your gay fake boyfriend."
Now she was really laughing. "I could do worse," she said. "Are you sure you want your first kiss to be from your straight fake girlfriend beard?" she asked.
I cocked my head and smiled, "I could do worse." She smiled back.
"So we're going to do this?" I asked. She looked at me and nodded her head yes.
"Okay," I let out a deep breath. I walked to her and put my hands on her shoulders. She looked even more nervous than I was. "Relax," I told her, trying to will myself to do the same. My heart was pounding.
I leaned down and felt her breath on my face. I saw her eyes flutter closed then I pressed my lips to hers. I moved my mouth so that my lips were caressing her top lip and I felt hers moving against my bottom one. They were soft and warm and felt good against my mouth. I could feel her body close to mine. It was nice. Sweet. I liked it.
I pulled back and saw her lips curve into a small smile. Her eyes were still closed. Her expression made me smile.
"So how was it?" I asked.
She opened her eyes and smiled at me. "It was the best first kiss I've ever had," she told me.
"Me too," I told her grinning. "Do you want to try it again with tongue?"
"Really?" she asked looking surprised and also a little excited.
"Yes, really," I said. "But remember I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Well we're smart people. I'm sure we'll be able to figure it out," she retorted.
"Okay," I replied, leaning towards her again.
Our lips met for the second time and I felt her sigh into my mouth. I reached out my tongue and ran it lightly along her bottom lip. Her mouth opened and I felt her tongue poke out and caress the tip of my own. It was so intimate, but it felt nice. Different, but nice. I felt her arms reach out and wrap around my neck. Her fingers were in the hair at the nape of my neck. That felt good. I pulled her closer to me so that she was pressed against my chest and slid my tongue down the length of hers, sliding against it, wrapping around it. She made a little moaning noise and pulled me even tighter to her. I was getting turned on.
It felt wonderful. God, if it felt this good with Bella, I could just imagine how it would feel with Mike, his hard body pressed against mine, his strong arms wrapped around me, his beautiful mouth pressed against my own, his breath mingling with mine. I felt myself getting hard and pulled Bella even tighter against me, groaning into her mouth. I pressed my erection against her, wanting to feel her as close as possible, not ever realizing what I was doing.
Our tongues were moving more frantically against each other and our breathing was getting heavier. Bella's body was moving against me and I felt her everywhere. Then she was pushing me backwards until the back of my knees bumped against the couch. I fell back into it, pulling her with me. She straddled my lap rubbing up against my erection and I groaned again into her mouth. My hands reached around to grab her ass, holding her tightly against me. God, that felt unbelievable.
The telephone rang loudly startling us both. Bella jumped off my lap and raced to answer it. I just sat there breathing heavily, willing my body to calm the fuck down.
"Hello?" Bella said into the receiver.
"Yes, I'm home… It was fun… Yeah, he's just leaving… Okay, see you tomorrow." Then she hung up.
She walked back to the couch and sat down next to me.
"That was my Dad. Checking to make sure I got home okay."
"I figured," I said.
We sat there not talking for a minute, not exactly sure what to say.
Then she turned to me and asked, "Are you sure you're gay?"
I gave a little laugh. "Yes, I'm sure Bella."
"But you…" she stopped, blushing and looked away from me. I'm pretty sure she was about to ask me about my erection.
"Bella, I'm a seventeen year old guy. That shit's practically automatic," I told her.
"Oh," she said and was quiet again.
Then she turned to me again, asking, "So how was it with tongue?" and we both busted out laughing.
Chapter 5 | Masterpost | Poetry
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