Fic - I Wept Not [13/24]
Jan. 27th, 2012 01:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arcadianmaggieSummary: Jasper is a war weary soldier burdened by the weight of eternity. Edward is an uncomplicated high school student content to hide his sexuality. Together can Jasper find something to live for and Edward discover some things are worth dying for? AU, slash.
Chapter 12, part 2 | Masterpost
"In a dark time, the eye begins to see,
I meet my shadow in the deepening shade;
I hear my echo in the echoing wood—
A lord of nature weeping to a tree.
I live between the heron and the wren,
Beasts of the hill and serpents of the den."
- Theodore Roethke, "In a Dark Time," l. 1-6
Chapter 13 – The Deepening Shade
JPOV
I waited in the restaurant while the hostess chatted with some guests. They appeared to be regulars who had finished their dinner and had stopped to say goodnight on their way out. I was impatient, anxious to be back with my beautiful boy, but nothing could dampen my spirits tonight; I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I had made the decision to be with Edward in every way possible. We would physically consummate our love for one another and I would tell him everything—my terrible past… my monstrous nature… and my undying devotion.
I pictured his face when I had finally agreed to share my secrets with him; his smile radiated joy. I was still terrified. Terrified that I would hurt him physically, terrified that I was bringing him into a world that was fraught with risk and much too dangerous for his gentle innocence. But most of all, I was terrified that once he knew the truth, he would decide to leave me.
My power allowed me to feel what he felt for me and his emotions were true and beautiful and crystal pure. I recognized them for what they were, having experienced similar feelings before… between Peter and Charlotte, Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. His love was so abundant and shined so brightly I hoped with everything in me that it was enough for him to stay with me, even after I revealed my true self. His faith in me was so strong, I gave myself over to it, trusting in him more readily than I trusted in myself. I still felt unworthy, but I no longer had a choice; I belonged to him. I would belong to him forever.
Finally the couple monopolizing the hostess' attention left and I was able to order the cannoli for the girls. As I waited, I let my mind wander to the moment outside the restaurant when Edward sucked my thumb in his mouth after I reached out to wipe the bit of besciamella sauce from his face. Desire immediately flared between us, hot and aching and overpowering. When he asked me to make love to him, I capitulated to his entreaty; I no longer had the ability to deny my sweet boy anything. The ringing of my phone roused me from my blissful thoughts and I pulled it from my pocket, looking at the display and seeing Alice's name. I laughed to myself, letting her go to voice mail. Undoubtedly, she had seen us so wrapped up in each other that we had initially forgotten the desserts.
The phone rang again as I was paying the hostess and politely responding to her friendly chatter. By the time we finished our transaction, Alice had been sent to voice mail again. I smiled imagining her frustration. As I exited the restaurant, container in hand, she rang for a third time. I put the phone up to my mouth and said, laughingly, "We remembered, Alice..."
I barely got those few words out before she frantically interrupted me, yelling into the phone, "Edward's in trouble! Hurry, Jasper! He's in trouble!" White hot fear surged through my body and the desserts tumbled from my hand, the pastries falling on the ground as the container lid popped open from its collision with the sidewalk, one of the cannoli rolling a few inches before coming to a stop.
I was paralyzed, unable to move for what seemed like minutes when in reality it was but fractions of a second, then I was racing down the block at inhuman speed, not caring who might see.
Rage.
Intense and burning, blinding rage filled me when I saw my beloved boy crumpled on the ground and that filthy animal's hands on his skin, preparing to violate him.
The scent of blood was strong in the air, and I recognized it as belonging to my precious Edward, his beautiful face bloodied and beaten. My blood lust roared to life and it fueled my rage; the monster within thrashed against its restraints, begging to be unleashed.
It had been decades since I had engaged in warfare, but my battle instincts were as sharp and as honed as ever. Jasper Whitlock, high school student and son of Carlisle Cullen ceased to exist as Major Whitlock, feared scourge of the Southern Vampire Wars, emerged from the past to take his place. The urge to annihilate surged powerfully within me and my demon nature reared forth.
I would end him.
On the periphery I was aware of two figures running down the block. A third stood between me and my prey. He came at me and I deftly captured his arm mid swing, snapping it like a twig with one easy motion, flinging him out of my path. I barely registered his scream, so focused was I on my goal.
Thoughts were running through my head at lightning speed as I calculated the best means to terminate the vermin before me. I wanted to leap on him and rip his throat out with my razor sharp teeth and tear him from limb to limb. The safety of my Edward was paramount and I knew I could not let the taste of blood pass my lips, lest I succumb to thirst that would surely be triggered. As it was, I already felt my mouth pooling with venom, the scent tugging me towards madness.
The anger and hatred emanating from the foul beast fueled my own. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to die terrified and alone and powerless. If it weren't for my beloved Edward, lying wounded on the ground, I would inflict slow, painful torture upon this loathsome creature, but that wasn't possible right now; he needed to die. Instead, I filled him with terror as I leapt on him with a roar, snapping his neck with one deft move then tossing his useless carcass aside in disgust.
I wanted to break his neck a hundred times over. The ease with which he was dispatched seemed anticlimactic when I had so much rage and turmoil still pulsing within me. I felt no satisfaction at his demise. Such a frail and useless thing it was, it seemed impossible that it could have caused my sweet Edward such damage and ruin. My rage had nowhere to go, and I roared into the night sky all my frustration, my anger, my devastation, my pain.
I turned my attention to my precious boy and saw his leafy green eyes fixed on me, so bright and clear in his swollen, battered face. Another pang of anger rushed through me, not just for seeing what had been done to my beautiful boy, but for him having witnessed what I had just wrought. This was not how I had wanted to reveal my horrifying nature, by loosing the monster and killing a man with my bare hands right before his eyes. This was not how it was supposed to happen.
As with every time before I had expected to see him recoiling in fear, he only looked at me with adoration. I felt his love for me, burning as bright and as pure as ever. I knelt down next to him, afraid to touch him, unsure if I would damage him further. I needed Carlisle.
"I'm here, Edward. They're gone. They won't hurt you anymore." I gently took his hand in mine and brushed his hair from his forehead with the other. I was comforted by the touch of his skin, the steady beating of his heart. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you. I should have protected you. I'm so sorry. I'm calling Carlisle and we'll get you help. Everything's going to be okay, Edward. I promise. Everything is going to be all right." I wasn't sure if I was reassuring him or myself. Now that my blind rage was fading, fear was blooming in my chest. How badly was he injured? I didn't know.
"I know it will," he slurred, his lips swollen and bleeding. "You're here now," he whispered as he faded into unconsciousness. Pure panic took over and I focused on the rhythm of his heart, trying to ignore my fear, my anger, the venom that flowed freely in my mouth at the proximity of his blood. I wanted to kill; I wanted to sink my teeth into a pulsing throat and drain the life from it. I needed to put some distance between me and the blood that spilled from Edward, but I couldn't bring myself to let him go. I needed to touch him, to know he was real and here and still alive. Everything was too much, too overwhelming. I felt completely crazed.
I pulled my cell from my pocket, grateful I hadn't dropped it outside the restaurant and called Carlisle. My hands were shaking as I dialed his number and when he answered I practically screamed. "Carlisle! I need you. Edward's hurt. Please..." I practically sobbed.
"I'm on my way," his steady voice reassured me. "Alice called me. An ambulance is on its way too. How badly is he hurt, Jasper?" Carlisle asked.
"I don't know," I wailed. "He's bleeding and he's unconscious and his breathing's not right..." I choked up and couldn't continue.
"I'll be there soon, son," Carlisle assured me. "Do you need to leave? Is the blood too much for you, Jasper? I'm not far, I promise."
"I'm not leaving him," I practically screamed.
"Okay. Okay, Jasper. I'm almost there. Just hold tight for a few minutes more, son."
I saw the flashing lights of the ambulance approaching, but it only agitated me more, knowing that he needed medical attention when I should have been with him protecting him. I felt so helpless. Why had I spent all those years studying history? I should have done something worthwhile with my time, like going to medical school. Even Rosalie had a medical degree.
The paramedics jumped from their truck and one ran over to the vermin's corpse while the other rushed to Edward. "This one's gone," I heard the first say before he moved to join his partner. As the second reached for Edward, I bared my teeth growling fiercely. He backed away in fear.
"We're just trying to help him," he said slowly and carefully. "He needs medical attention. We're not going to hurt him."
"Maybe we should wait for the cops," the other said quietly. I eyed them both warily.
"I don't think we have time for that," his partner answered.
Another car pulled up and I saw Carlisle jump out and run towards me. My relief was immediate.
"Dr. Cullen, stay back," one of the men warned.
"That's my son," he responded to them as he ignored the warning and knelt down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
"Jasper, let go of Edward and let the men do their job. They know what they're doing and they're going to help him," he said softly to me. "He'll need to go to the hospital. Come with me, son."
"Will he be all right, Carlisle?" I asked, my eyes begging for an answer.
"The sooner they can work on him, the sooner we'll know the extent of his injuries. I promise they'll do everything they can for him, son." He motioned the men over to us.
"That's right," one of the paramedics agreed. "We're going to do everything possible for him. We just need to make sure he can be moved and that he's stabilized for transport. Dr. Cullen will know exactly what we're doing, every step of the way."
"You'll go with him, won't you, Carlisle?" I asked as I let myself be led away.
"I will," he assured me, "just as soon as I'm sure that you're okay, Jasper, and the situation is under control. Alice had Bella call Charlie Swan. He'll be here soon. It's not his jurisdiction, but having him put in a word for you will go far, I think."
I was confused as to what he meant at first, then I raged anew at realizing what was in store for me. Of course. There was a dead man, not twenty feet away from us. There would be an investigation. My whole family was at risk. I hadn't even considered the repercussions when I went for the kill; my only thought had been to end its miserable worthless life. Another layer of guilt piled high on top of what I already felt for my failure to protect Edward.
My anger still raged and the scent of blood remained heavy in the air. I turned towards Edward, seeking the comfort his presence always lent, but there was no comfort to be found. I could only see the poking and prodding, the tubes and needles, the urgent actions of the paramedics. I pushed the fleeting thought that I might lose Edward aside, lest I go completely mad right then. I frantically listened for his heart beat and held on to it like a life line, the steady sound tethering me to the earth.
Carlisle could sense I was near my breaking point. I'm sure my turmoil was being broadcast to anyone near; I was not at all in control of myself. He led me to the curb and had me sit down away from the growing crowd, urging me to keep it together for just a little longer. I heard snippets of conversation as the police arrived. Carlisle arguing that I was in shock and needed to be treated at the hospital and that their questioning could wait. Their insistence that there was a man dead and they needed answers right away. At some point Chief Swan had arrived and he backed Carlisle, personally vouching for our family, telling the Port Angeles officers that my sister Alice was like another daughter to him and he would bring me to the station himself after I was cleared by the doctors.
I knew I should care about what would happen to me, what exposure I may have opened my family to, but the only thing I cared about right then was my Edward, how badly he was hurt, whether he would be all right.
Somehow Alice and Emmett were both here and sitting on either side of me. Alice gripped my hand in both of hers and her face reflected all the sorrow that she felt. I shut my eyes against the fresh onslaught of pain and Emmett pulled me to his chest, holding me tight. My body shook with sobs and I felt my tenuous hold on my composure splintering and cracking. My emotions were so out of control I could not rein them in. I raged, I grieved; I wanted to follow the scent of the men who had fled and extinguish their pitiful lives. I wanted to hear them scream and watch them suffer and snuff them from existence with the strength of my hands, the sharp bite of my teeth. I wanted them to pay for what they had done.
Emmett held me even tighter while whispering urgently in my ear to hold on… to hold on for just a few minutes more. Alice rubbed gentle circles on my back, promising me that Edward would be fine… he was going to be fine. And then Edward was being lifted onto the ambulance with Carlisle climbing in behind him; Alice was to follow in Carlisle's car, meeting them at the hospital; and Emmett was guiding me to the passenger seat of his car, pausing to speak with Chief Swan and the Port Angeles officers before getting in and starting the engine.
We drove out of town and I started panicking anew as we got further and further away from Edward. Emmet reached over and gripped my hand, anchoring me.
"I'm taking you to hunt," he explained to me and the venom flowed in my mouth, my body automatically reacting to the thought of the kill. As soon as we were away from inhabited areas he pulled over to the side of the road. We both got out of the car and then we were running, side by side through the forest.
I caught the musky scent of a herd of elk to the east. The tangy smell was unpleasant, but my mouth watered nonetheless. The scent of blood—Edward's blood—had tormented me for far too long and my throat burned with thirst. The herd scattered as we neared, but I leapt with a fearsome roar, sinking my teeth into the throat of one hapless animal, draining its life in minutes. I savagely raced after the terrified beasts, felling one after another, ripping out their throats in a state of madness, finally able to release the tight hold I had on my control. My rage was all consuming and I channeled it into the hunt, my monstrous nature set free. I wanted to kill and kill and kill again, but no matter how many elk I took down, relief eluded me. They fell too easily, just as that foul creature had earlier this evening.
After I had attacked a half dozen or so, Emmett grabbed my arm before I could chase after yet another. "That's enough, Jasper."
I bared my teeth at him and growled savagely, angry that he would deny me. He let go of me and backed away. Then he said, "Hit me. Come at me. Take it out on me. I won't break."
I looked at him in disbelief, but I saw that he was serious. I pushed aside my fury momentarily to sense what he was feeling; his compassion for me was overwhelming. "If anything happened to Rosalie, I don't know what I'd do," he said.
"Now hit me," he prompted. I stared at him uncertainly. He walked up to me and pushed at my chest. "Hit me, Jasper," he repeated. "You need to let it out before we go back." He pushed me forcefully again, and I stumbled back a step.
My rage was burning and as Emmett shoved me one last time, I let out a roar, lunging at him. Our bodies clashed together with the sound of thunder and we were rolling on the ground, struggling against each other. He was strong, but I was fast and had decades of fighting experience on him. He was no match for me. Emmett's face faded away and was replaced with the cruel visage of Edward's attacker. My fists plowed into him again and again, his grunts spurring me on. I wanted to hurt him, to feel him suffer, to tear him from limb to limb. My deadly growls warned of my lethal intentions and I felt his fear, heady and glorious. Someone was calling my name, but I ignored the sound, focusing on the kill.
"Jasper!" I heard again as someone wrapped their arms around my chest. I snarled and tore myself free, turning to face my new attacker. How dare they interrupt my moment of vengeance.
"Rosalie?" I asked confused.
"Alice sent me. She sensed things might get out of hand."
"Uh, yeah, maybe I made a slight miscalculation there," Emmett said sheepishly, walking carefully towards me.
"God, Emmett, I'm so sorry," I said in horror, realizing how close I had been to tearing his head from his shoulders. My own brother. I was a monster.
"Oh, no you don't," Emmett cut in. "You are not allowed to feel guilty about this. I provoked you. I was the one who insisted. And I'm fine. You would have stopped in time. Besides, don't underestimate me. I may not have your experience, but I still have a few tricks up my sleeve." He meant what he said, even though the fear I had felt from him was real. Why was everyone always giving me the benefit of the doubt? I didn't deserve it. I felt Rosalie's uncertainty and was comforted. She wasn't one to flinch from reality.
"Do you at least feel a little better now?" Emmett asked.
For a few moments I had forgotten why I was so angry, but it all came crashing back. Edward crumpled on the ground, bloody and beaten, that evil creature's hands on his body, preparing to violate him.
"No," I wailed in anguish.
"No… no, I suppose not," Emmett said with a heavy sign. "Still, we need to get you back. You know they're going to question you, right?"
"I know."
"That's also why I'm here," Rosalie cut in. "I've got fresh clothes for you. Alice says you're to cooperate fully. You waited for the desserts while Edward got the car. When he didn't arrive, you went to look for him and found him under attack. Two men ran and the other two turned to attack you. You injured one and killed the other. You called Alice who called Carlisle and the ambulance. Keep it simple. It was self defense."
I nodded in acknowledgement. "The desserts... I dropped them in front of the restaurant."
"Alice got them. They're at the car. We're to swing by the hospital first, so Carlisle can look at you. You're being treated for shock."
I understood the importance of these details, but she was leaving out the most crucial.
"Edward?" I was almost afraid to ask.
"I don't know the specifics, Jasper. Alice insists he's going to be fine. Okay? She says he's going to be fine." She rubbed her hand over my back.
How could he possibly be fine again after what had happened, even if his body was to heal? The ache in my chest was unbearable.
I let Emmett and Rosalie guide me back to our vehicles and help me change. We rode in silence to the hospital in Port Angeles, but Emmett's hand never left mine, offering his support, lending me his strength when I had none. Alice met us at the hospital and guided us to a room where I had supposedly been taken by Emmett earlier. I waited anxiously for Carlisle, desperate for word on Edward.
He showed up a few minutes later and immediately wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me in a tight hug. "He's going to be fine," he whispered.
"Tell me," I demanded.
Carlisle began listing Edward's medical condition. "The tension pneumothorax was the most serious, but the paramedics arrived quickly and were able to perform a needle decompression right away; they were able to keep it from becoming life threatening. He has several broken ribs, multiple contusions, substantial bruising and a concussion from the head trauma, along with a small subdural hematoma. The attacker was wearing steel toed boots. We've run a CT scan and there's no apparent brain swelling, but he'll be under observation throughout the night. Right now he's prepping for surgery to repair his leg. I'll be performing it."
I felt myself getting weaker and more nauseous with each word he spoke as I listened to him giving the rundown of Edward's injuries. I was bent over double gagging by the time Carlisle had finished speaking. He guided me over to a chair and knelt down in front of me, gripping my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. "He's going to recover. He'll probably have some issues with the closed head injury for a while—short term memory loss, headaches, emotional instability and so forth. The leg will take time to heal, as will the ribs. He'll be in considerable pain, but I see no cause for long term concern."
My mind was reeling; the blood from the elk sloshed uncomfortably in my stomach. I felt like I was going to crawl right out of my skin.
I realized Carlisle was shaking me. "Jasper, listen to me. You've got to pull it together. Let me worry about Edward. Esme drove his parents here, so his family is with him. He's in good hands. Charlie's going to take you to the police station. Esme will be going along. I know you understand how serious this is for us all. Alice can't see what the outcome is going to be, but Charlie believes there's a good chance there will be no charges filed against you if they can verify this was a hate crime. He thinks they're going to find that it was self defense. They've already identified the man you killed. He was recently released from prison and has a previous record of sexual assault. You need to go there and remain calm and let things play out. Can you do that?"
I nodded tersely.
"One of us will be here at all times, I promise you. We'll take care of your boy."
I nodded again and gripped him tightly when he wrapped his arms around me again, burying my face in his chest.
"I love you, son," Carlisle whispered to me.
-o-
I waited alone in the Port Angeles police station in a small room with a table and a few chairs. I could hear the faint voices of the officers outside discussing my situation. Charlie, at Esme's behest, was trying to convince them to let me go home to my family for the night while they continued their investigation.
"He's a good kid," Charlie insisted. "He's like family. His sister Alice practically lives at our house."
"We don't doubt that. Fact is, though, we've got a dead man and your boy killed him with his bare hands. Frankly, my men are a little scared of him. Makes them uncomfortable to be in the room alone with him."
"Now I think that's a bit of an over reaction," Charlie countered calmly. "Of course he's on edge. His boyfriend's in the hospital after being beaten practically to death. Then he's attacked too. The doctors had to treat him for shock. I say he's lucky he knew how to defend himself. You've questioned him plenty and if you don't mind me saying, the situation seems pretty cut and dried to me. These boys are the victims here."
I couldn't listen anymore, couldn't deal with the reminder of what had happened to Edward. The rage simmered, ready to bubble over; I knew I could not let it get the best of me. I did the only thing I could think of to calm my fluctuating emotions. I pushed aside the image of Edward, bloodied and beaten, lying on the ground. Instead I remembered his radiant smile, his creamy magnolia skin, the beautiful green of his eyes, the way his rosy lips tasted pressed up against mine… the sound of his heart beat. I cradled the memory, letting it soothe me.
"Here," I told him, placing a pillow on my lap. "Lay your head down and rest." He kicked off his shoes and laid his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes as I read a passage from Song of Myself to him.
I couldn't stop myself from running my fingers through his hair, the strands soft as silk against my skin. I traced his refined features with my fingertips, memorizing the shape of his cheek bones, the slope of his nose, feeling the twitch of his eyes underneath the delicate skin of his eyelids. I ghosted my fingers across his lips and they parted slightly under my touch, a tiny puff of air escaping, warming my hand. I felt the heat from that small breath travel like lightning through my wrist, up my arm, across my shoulder and into my chest, where it lodged itself securely, dispelling the coldness from my heart.
Whitman's erotic words slid from my lips and wrapped themselves around Edward's reposing form. I could see them sink into his skin, setting it aflame. His desire flared and I stilled my hand, letting his emotions buffet me like the cresting wave of the ocean. He opened his eyes and I was lost in the passion of his gaze.
"Hands I have taken, face I have kiss'd, mortal I have ever touch'd, it shall be you," I recited intently, trying to convey how much he meant to me, how deeply I loved him. Edward reached for my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the palm, his loving gesture scorching my flesh.
"It shall be you," I repeated in a whisper, knowing with certainty that there never could be another. He was mine and I was his, just as sure as the sun would rise and set in the sky.
Edward swallowed and whispered to me, "I'd really like to kiss you now."
My heart clenched. "Then kiss me," I responded with a sigh, marveling that this precious boy could want me the way I wanted him. He sat up and lightly placed his lips against mine, barely touching me. It hardly mattered. That gentle touch set my entire body ablaze and I wanted to crush him to me and meld us into one.
He reached out his hand to trace my features as I had done to his, calling me beautiful. I didn't understand how he could see me that way, as if I were the prize instead of he, but I was grateful for it.
"You're the beautiful one," I said to him, enraptured by his verdant gaze.
"Tell me again," he entreated and I could feel the ache, the love, the want. So exquisite. Perfect.
"I love you, Edward," I whispered and kissed him again.
I was roused from my memories by loud voices outside the door. I went rigid as I recognized the scent of the new arrivals. My body started to shake and I closed my hands into tight fists, willing myself to stay seated. I felt Esme's alarm and heard her whisper of, "Please, Jasper." She undoubtedly knew how close I was to jeopardizing everything. They may not have inflicted the most damage to my beautiful boy, but they had willingly left him to be violated… to die for all they knew. Why should I not kill them? Why should I not tear their throats out with my razor sharp teeth? Why should I not take them far away and leave them to bleed, afraid and alone?
I heard one of the officers talking to Charlie. "The bartender downtown said they were in with our DOA and another guy earlier in the evening. These two are regulars. They were all causing trouble, harassing some customers, and he threw the four of them out."
"We were just going to rough him up a little," one of the men was saying. "I had no idea Larry was going to go crazy like that, kicking the shit out of the little faggot. That's not what I signed up for. I didn't want any part of that business, so I left." He spoke as if he thought he should be absolved of all wrongdoing. My fury was escalating. I had to stop listening or I was going to snap.
"Race you up the stairs," he said with a laugh, dashing for the staircase, trying to get a head start. I laughed as I caught him around the waist and we stumbled up the stairs together.
"Now who's the cheater?" I asked with a smile, reveling in his laughter, his face so radiant. Glowing. Beautiful. I was... happy.
"Those two queers practically had their tongues down each other's throats right in the middle of the street. Fucking disgusting. Nobody wants to see that shit. We were just planning to teach him some manners."
I had been aching to touch him for so long, wanting to worship every inch of his skin, to feel him against my body, long and lean and hard and soft and, oh, so beautiful. I thought back to that day when he traced my scars with his fingers and touched my skin with his lips… his soft supple lips. My body had been warm from the shower before combusting under Edward's tender attentions. I hoped the water would once again disguise the icy nature of my skin. I didn't know how it was possible I had gone so long without touching him, but I knew I could not go a single moment longer.
We stripped methodically and the air crackled with electricity. His eyes never left mine and I could feel his excitement, his anticipation, his arousal. My fingers twitched, eager to touch him, but I stood there eyeing his body hungrily, letting him take in the strength of my desire as it jutted out from between my legs.
"Nice," he breathed out, appreciatively and I chuckled at his awed tone, a heady joy beginning to fill me knowing that in just minutes we would finally be naked in each other's arms.
"We didn't fucking do anything. It was all Larry and Kevin. You should be out looking for Kevin instead of keeping us here. We didn't fucking do anything. Just pushed him around a little and then we left. Larry and Kevin are the ones that fucking beat the kid."
We touched and kissed and touched under the spray of the water, our bodies moving together as if they had always known the other, as if they were finally home.
I was finally home.
"Edward, Edward, Edward," I panted in his ear as my hands roamed over his body and my hips ground into his. "You don't know how I've ached to touch you, to feel you like this."
"Then touch me. Feel me. I'm yours, Jasper. All yours."
Mine.
I trembled, overwhelmed by the intensity of my hunger, my desire, my love for this beautiful boy.
My beautiful boy.
"Just got word that a fellow with a broken arm showed up in Port Townsend at Jefferson General. We'll be bringing him in for questioning, but it's a pretty good bet he's our fourth guy. We're going to send your boy home until we get all this sorted out, but he's to stay close to home. You go get some sleep; there won't be any decisions made tonight."
The door to the room opened and Esme hurried to my side. I stood up and she wrapped her arms around me, holding me close. "Come with me. Charlie's going to drop us back at the hospital."
I nodded and followed her out of the building to the cruiser. I sat in the back, staring blankly out the window while Charlie and Esme quietly discussed the situation and what Charlie thought the outcome would be.
We were lying on the couch, our lips swollen from kissing, his groin pressing down into mine, rubbing and rocking, thrusting against each other. I moaned as the sensations sent waves of desire through us both.
"I'm so in love with you Jasper," he said breathily. "I never knew anything could feel as wonderful as this." He leaned over to kiss me softly on the lips as he ground his hips hard into mine. I groaned loudly into his mouth and reached up to touch his beautiful face, whispering, "I love you too, Edward. So much..." Words would never be enough to convey the depths of my feeling for him.
"I want you to make love to me," he told me, staring deep into my eyes as he continued to thrust against me. "I want you to be the first man to ever take me. The only one. I want to feel you buried deep inside my body, filling me completely."
"Oh, God… Edward," I moaned, closing my eyes tightly and thrashing my head from side to side.
"I want to be yours completely, in every way."
I reached up my hands to grip his shoulders and gently pushed, trying to dislodge him. "You have to stop. You're going to make me come," I gasped out.
"I want you to, Jasper. I want to watch your face as you come," he told me earnestly and I shivered with desire.
"I can't," I groaned out. "I can't ever lose control with you. I'm afraid to lose control."
I felt a surge of love from him, bright and pure and beautiful "You don't ever have to be afraid with me, Jasper. Let go. I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."
I closed my eyes in pain. That's something I should have been able to promise him. What good was I, if even with my unnatural strength and speed I couldn't protect the one I loved above all others?
"Jasper?" Esme's voice cut quietly through my thoughts. I looked up, startled to find we were already here. As we walked down the hall I heard voices arguing in low tones.
"I don't understand why he'd risk everything for a human boy."
"Edward's his mate, Rosalie. That's why." Carlisle's voice was firm.
"His mate?" she repeated, surprised. "That's impossible. He's a human!" I could hear the incredulity in her voice
"Impossible or not, I believe it to be true," Carlisle countered.
They stopped speaking when we entered the room. My eyes went to Carlisle immediately, questioning him.
"He's resting. He's still sedated. His mother is in with him, and Alice."
"Can I see him?" I asked.
He nodded and cocked his head towards the door, motioning for me to follow him.
Edward lay on the hospital bed asleep. He was barely recognizable, his face swollen and covered in bruises. Tubes and wires and machines were everywhere. His mother was curled in a chair next to the bed fast asleep. Alice stood up when I entered the room and came over to wrap her arms around my waist, squeezing me tighty. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, and I felt her tumultuous emotions assailing me—her guilt, her anger, her sorrow, her compassion… her love. I gritted my teeth under the onslaught.
"Can you give me a few minutes alone with him, please?" I asked. She nodded against my chest, squeezing me hard one last time then slipping from the room.
I walked over to the bed and shut my eyes, listening to his breathing, the steady beat of his heart.
"Edward," I groaned. "Sweet, sweet Edward. My beautiful boy. You don't understand. I'm afraid I'll hurt you." I could never risk losing control around him, never chance the monster breaking free. I was terrified to give myself over to pleasure, afraid that during my climax I would instinctively sink my teeth into his throat, destroying that which I loved more than anything.
"You could never hurt me, Jasper," he reassured me, staring deep into my eyes. "I know you. You would never, ever hurt me. Let yourself go. I'll be right here, watching over you."
He did watch over me. He filled me with his love, his passion, his desire, his trust, his faith. As our bodies moved together and his sure gaze held mine, I believed him. I put my trust in him and gave myself over, putting myself in his hands. I let myself truly believe for the first time that it was possible for me to be his mate. Our mingled emotions coursed through me and I threw back my head as I was propelled to a place of unparalleled pleasure.
I opened my eyes and the vision of Edward, his face flushed with pleasure, his eyes dark with desire was replaced by his still form, battered and broken and bruised. I wanted to turn back time and tell Edward I couldn't bear to part from him even for the time it would take for him to get the car. I wanted to turn back time and tell him I'd retrieve the car while he ordered the desserts. I wanted to turn back time and answer Alice's call on the first ring.
An eternity before me and a century and a half stretching behind me and the only minutes that mattered were the few that had changed everything. I would give anything for the chance to redo them, anything to go back to those moments when I truly believed. Anything to return to that sweet slice of heaven that had interrupted my endless night.
The scent of blood was still strong in the air, even after drying and turning to rust. Venom pooled in my mouth while my rage burned under the surface, my monstrous self making itself known, telling me any illusions I had that I had conquered my evil nature were just that… illusions.
I had thought there was nothing I could possibly ever do better than loving Edward Masen. I knew now I was wrong; I would always excel at the kill.
Chapter 14 | Masterpost | Poetry
Chapter 12, part 2 | Masterpost
I meet my shadow in the deepening shade;
I hear my echo in the echoing wood—
A lord of nature weeping to a tree.
I live between the heron and the wren,
Beasts of the hill and serpents of the den."
- Theodore Roethke, "In a Dark Time," l. 1-6
Chapter 13 – The Deepening Shade
JPOV
I waited in the restaurant while the hostess chatted with some guests. They appeared to be regulars who had finished their dinner and had stopped to say goodnight on their way out. I was impatient, anxious to be back with my beautiful boy, but nothing could dampen my spirits tonight; I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders once I had made the decision to be with Edward in every way possible. We would physically consummate our love for one another and I would tell him everything—my terrible past… my monstrous nature… and my undying devotion.
I pictured his face when I had finally agreed to share my secrets with him; his smile radiated joy. I was still terrified. Terrified that I would hurt him physically, terrified that I was bringing him into a world that was fraught with risk and much too dangerous for his gentle innocence. But most of all, I was terrified that once he knew the truth, he would decide to leave me.
My power allowed me to feel what he felt for me and his emotions were true and beautiful and crystal pure. I recognized them for what they were, having experienced similar feelings before… between Peter and Charlotte, Carlisle and Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. His love was so abundant and shined so brightly I hoped with everything in me that it was enough for him to stay with me, even after I revealed my true self. His faith in me was so strong, I gave myself over to it, trusting in him more readily than I trusted in myself. I still felt unworthy, but I no longer had a choice; I belonged to him. I would belong to him forever.
Finally the couple monopolizing the hostess' attention left and I was able to order the cannoli for the girls. As I waited, I let my mind wander to the moment outside the restaurant when Edward sucked my thumb in his mouth after I reached out to wipe the bit of besciamella sauce from his face. Desire immediately flared between us, hot and aching and overpowering. When he asked me to make love to him, I capitulated to his entreaty; I no longer had the ability to deny my sweet boy anything. The ringing of my phone roused me from my blissful thoughts and I pulled it from my pocket, looking at the display and seeing Alice's name. I laughed to myself, letting her go to voice mail. Undoubtedly, she had seen us so wrapped up in each other that we had initially forgotten the desserts.
The phone rang again as I was paying the hostess and politely responding to her friendly chatter. By the time we finished our transaction, Alice had been sent to voice mail again. I smiled imagining her frustration. As I exited the restaurant, container in hand, she rang for a third time. I put the phone up to my mouth and said, laughingly, "We remembered, Alice..."
I barely got those few words out before she frantically interrupted me, yelling into the phone, "Edward's in trouble! Hurry, Jasper! He's in trouble!" White hot fear surged through my body and the desserts tumbled from my hand, the pastries falling on the ground as the container lid popped open from its collision with the sidewalk, one of the cannoli rolling a few inches before coming to a stop.
I was paralyzed, unable to move for what seemed like minutes when in reality it was but fractions of a second, then I was racing down the block at inhuman speed, not caring who might see.
Rage.
Intense and burning, blinding rage filled me when I saw my beloved boy crumpled on the ground and that filthy animal's hands on his skin, preparing to violate him.
The scent of blood was strong in the air, and I recognized it as belonging to my precious Edward, his beautiful face bloodied and beaten. My blood lust roared to life and it fueled my rage; the monster within thrashed against its restraints, begging to be unleashed.
It had been decades since I had engaged in warfare, but my battle instincts were as sharp and as honed as ever. Jasper Whitlock, high school student and son of Carlisle Cullen ceased to exist as Major Whitlock, feared scourge of the Southern Vampire Wars, emerged from the past to take his place. The urge to annihilate surged powerfully within me and my demon nature reared forth.
I would end him.
On the periphery I was aware of two figures running down the block. A third stood between me and my prey. He came at me and I deftly captured his arm mid swing, snapping it like a twig with one easy motion, flinging him out of my path. I barely registered his scream, so focused was I on my goal.
Thoughts were running through my head at lightning speed as I calculated the best means to terminate the vermin before me. I wanted to leap on him and rip his throat out with my razor sharp teeth and tear him from limb to limb. The safety of my Edward was paramount and I knew I could not let the taste of blood pass my lips, lest I succumb to thirst that would surely be triggered. As it was, I already felt my mouth pooling with venom, the scent tugging me towards madness.
The anger and hatred emanating from the foul beast fueled my own. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to die terrified and alone and powerless. If it weren't for my beloved Edward, lying wounded on the ground, I would inflict slow, painful torture upon this loathsome creature, but that wasn't possible right now; he needed to die. Instead, I filled him with terror as I leapt on him with a roar, snapping his neck with one deft move then tossing his useless carcass aside in disgust.
I wanted to break his neck a hundred times over. The ease with which he was dispatched seemed anticlimactic when I had so much rage and turmoil still pulsing within me. I felt no satisfaction at his demise. Such a frail and useless thing it was, it seemed impossible that it could have caused my sweet Edward such damage and ruin. My rage had nowhere to go, and I roared into the night sky all my frustration, my anger, my devastation, my pain.
I turned my attention to my precious boy and saw his leafy green eyes fixed on me, so bright and clear in his swollen, battered face. Another pang of anger rushed through me, not just for seeing what had been done to my beautiful boy, but for him having witnessed what I had just wrought. This was not how I had wanted to reveal my horrifying nature, by loosing the monster and killing a man with my bare hands right before his eyes. This was not how it was supposed to happen.
As with every time before I had expected to see him recoiling in fear, he only looked at me with adoration. I felt his love for me, burning as bright and as pure as ever. I knelt down next to him, afraid to touch him, unsure if I would damage him further. I needed Carlisle.
"I'm here, Edward. They're gone. They won't hurt you anymore." I gently took his hand in mine and brushed his hair from his forehead with the other. I was comforted by the touch of his skin, the steady beating of his heart. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to protect you. I should have protected you. I'm so sorry. I'm calling Carlisle and we'll get you help. Everything's going to be okay, Edward. I promise. Everything is going to be all right." I wasn't sure if I was reassuring him or myself. Now that my blind rage was fading, fear was blooming in my chest. How badly was he injured? I didn't know.
"I know it will," he slurred, his lips swollen and bleeding. "You're here now," he whispered as he faded into unconsciousness. Pure panic took over and I focused on the rhythm of his heart, trying to ignore my fear, my anger, the venom that flowed freely in my mouth at the proximity of his blood. I wanted to kill; I wanted to sink my teeth into a pulsing throat and drain the life from it. I needed to put some distance between me and the blood that spilled from Edward, but I couldn't bring myself to let him go. I needed to touch him, to know he was real and here and still alive. Everything was too much, too overwhelming. I felt completely crazed.
I pulled my cell from my pocket, grateful I hadn't dropped it outside the restaurant and called Carlisle. My hands were shaking as I dialed his number and when he answered I practically screamed. "Carlisle! I need you. Edward's hurt. Please..." I practically sobbed.
"I'm on my way," his steady voice reassured me. "Alice called me. An ambulance is on its way too. How badly is he hurt, Jasper?" Carlisle asked.
"I don't know," I wailed. "He's bleeding and he's unconscious and his breathing's not right..." I choked up and couldn't continue.
"I'll be there soon, son," Carlisle assured me. "Do you need to leave? Is the blood too much for you, Jasper? I'm not far, I promise."
"I'm not leaving him," I practically screamed.
"Okay. Okay, Jasper. I'm almost there. Just hold tight for a few minutes more, son."
I saw the flashing lights of the ambulance approaching, but it only agitated me more, knowing that he needed medical attention when I should have been with him protecting him. I felt so helpless. Why had I spent all those years studying history? I should have done something worthwhile with my time, like going to medical school. Even Rosalie had a medical degree.
The paramedics jumped from their truck and one ran over to the vermin's corpse while the other rushed to Edward. "This one's gone," I heard the first say before he moved to join his partner. As the second reached for Edward, I bared my teeth growling fiercely. He backed away in fear.
"We're just trying to help him," he said slowly and carefully. "He needs medical attention. We're not going to hurt him."
"Maybe we should wait for the cops," the other said quietly. I eyed them both warily.
"I don't think we have time for that," his partner answered.
Another car pulled up and I saw Carlisle jump out and run towards me. My relief was immediate.
"Dr. Cullen, stay back," one of the men warned.
"That's my son," he responded to them as he ignored the warning and knelt down next to me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
"Jasper, let go of Edward and let the men do their job. They know what they're doing and they're going to help him," he said softly to me. "He'll need to go to the hospital. Come with me, son."
"Will he be all right, Carlisle?" I asked, my eyes begging for an answer.
"The sooner they can work on him, the sooner we'll know the extent of his injuries. I promise they'll do everything they can for him, son." He motioned the men over to us.
"That's right," one of the paramedics agreed. "We're going to do everything possible for him. We just need to make sure he can be moved and that he's stabilized for transport. Dr. Cullen will know exactly what we're doing, every step of the way."
"You'll go with him, won't you, Carlisle?" I asked as I let myself be led away.
"I will," he assured me, "just as soon as I'm sure that you're okay, Jasper, and the situation is under control. Alice had Bella call Charlie Swan. He'll be here soon. It's not his jurisdiction, but having him put in a word for you will go far, I think."
I was confused as to what he meant at first, then I raged anew at realizing what was in store for me. Of course. There was a dead man, not twenty feet away from us. There would be an investigation. My whole family was at risk. I hadn't even considered the repercussions when I went for the kill; my only thought had been to end its miserable worthless life. Another layer of guilt piled high on top of what I already felt for my failure to protect Edward.
My anger still raged and the scent of blood remained heavy in the air. I turned towards Edward, seeking the comfort his presence always lent, but there was no comfort to be found. I could only see the poking and prodding, the tubes and needles, the urgent actions of the paramedics. I pushed the fleeting thought that I might lose Edward aside, lest I go completely mad right then. I frantically listened for his heart beat and held on to it like a life line, the steady sound tethering me to the earth.
Carlisle could sense I was near my breaking point. I'm sure my turmoil was being broadcast to anyone near; I was not at all in control of myself. He led me to the curb and had me sit down away from the growing crowd, urging me to keep it together for just a little longer. I heard snippets of conversation as the police arrived. Carlisle arguing that I was in shock and needed to be treated at the hospital and that their questioning could wait. Their insistence that there was a man dead and they needed answers right away. At some point Chief Swan had arrived and he backed Carlisle, personally vouching for our family, telling the Port Angeles officers that my sister Alice was like another daughter to him and he would bring me to the station himself after I was cleared by the doctors.
I knew I should care about what would happen to me, what exposure I may have opened my family to, but the only thing I cared about right then was my Edward, how badly he was hurt, whether he would be all right.
Somehow Alice and Emmett were both here and sitting on either side of me. Alice gripped my hand in both of hers and her face reflected all the sorrow that she felt. I shut my eyes against the fresh onslaught of pain and Emmett pulled me to his chest, holding me tight. My body shook with sobs and I felt my tenuous hold on my composure splintering and cracking. My emotions were so out of control I could not rein them in. I raged, I grieved; I wanted to follow the scent of the men who had fled and extinguish their pitiful lives. I wanted to hear them scream and watch them suffer and snuff them from existence with the strength of my hands, the sharp bite of my teeth. I wanted them to pay for what they had done.
Emmett held me even tighter while whispering urgently in my ear to hold on… to hold on for just a few minutes more. Alice rubbed gentle circles on my back, promising me that Edward would be fine… he was going to be fine. And then Edward was being lifted onto the ambulance with Carlisle climbing in behind him; Alice was to follow in Carlisle's car, meeting them at the hospital; and Emmett was guiding me to the passenger seat of his car, pausing to speak with Chief Swan and the Port Angeles officers before getting in and starting the engine.
We drove out of town and I started panicking anew as we got further and further away from Edward. Emmet reached over and gripped my hand, anchoring me.
"I'm taking you to hunt," he explained to me and the venom flowed in my mouth, my body automatically reacting to the thought of the kill. As soon as we were away from inhabited areas he pulled over to the side of the road. We both got out of the car and then we were running, side by side through the forest.
I caught the musky scent of a herd of elk to the east. The tangy smell was unpleasant, but my mouth watered nonetheless. The scent of blood—Edward's blood—had tormented me for far too long and my throat burned with thirst. The herd scattered as we neared, but I leapt with a fearsome roar, sinking my teeth into the throat of one hapless animal, draining its life in minutes. I savagely raced after the terrified beasts, felling one after another, ripping out their throats in a state of madness, finally able to release the tight hold I had on my control. My rage was all consuming and I channeled it into the hunt, my monstrous nature set free. I wanted to kill and kill and kill again, but no matter how many elk I took down, relief eluded me. They fell too easily, just as that foul creature had earlier this evening.
After I had attacked a half dozen or so, Emmett grabbed my arm before I could chase after yet another. "That's enough, Jasper."
I bared my teeth at him and growled savagely, angry that he would deny me. He let go of me and backed away. Then he said, "Hit me. Come at me. Take it out on me. I won't break."
I looked at him in disbelief, but I saw that he was serious. I pushed aside my fury momentarily to sense what he was feeling; his compassion for me was overwhelming. "If anything happened to Rosalie, I don't know what I'd do," he said.
"Now hit me," he prompted. I stared at him uncertainly. He walked up to me and pushed at my chest. "Hit me, Jasper," he repeated. "You need to let it out before we go back." He pushed me forcefully again, and I stumbled back a step.
My rage was burning and as Emmett shoved me one last time, I let out a roar, lunging at him. Our bodies clashed together with the sound of thunder and we were rolling on the ground, struggling against each other. He was strong, but I was fast and had decades of fighting experience on him. He was no match for me. Emmett's face faded away and was replaced with the cruel visage of Edward's attacker. My fists plowed into him again and again, his grunts spurring me on. I wanted to hurt him, to feel him suffer, to tear him from limb to limb. My deadly growls warned of my lethal intentions and I felt his fear, heady and glorious. Someone was calling my name, but I ignored the sound, focusing on the kill.
"Jasper!" I heard again as someone wrapped their arms around my chest. I snarled and tore myself free, turning to face my new attacker. How dare they interrupt my moment of vengeance.
"Rosalie?" I asked confused.
"Alice sent me. She sensed things might get out of hand."
"Uh, yeah, maybe I made a slight miscalculation there," Emmett said sheepishly, walking carefully towards me.
"God, Emmett, I'm so sorry," I said in horror, realizing how close I had been to tearing his head from his shoulders. My own brother. I was a monster.
"Oh, no you don't," Emmett cut in. "You are not allowed to feel guilty about this. I provoked you. I was the one who insisted. And I'm fine. You would have stopped in time. Besides, don't underestimate me. I may not have your experience, but I still have a few tricks up my sleeve." He meant what he said, even though the fear I had felt from him was real. Why was everyone always giving me the benefit of the doubt? I didn't deserve it. I felt Rosalie's uncertainty and was comforted. She wasn't one to flinch from reality.
"Do you at least feel a little better now?" Emmett asked.
For a few moments I had forgotten why I was so angry, but it all came crashing back. Edward crumpled on the ground, bloody and beaten, that evil creature's hands on his body, preparing to violate him.
"No," I wailed in anguish.
"No… no, I suppose not," Emmett said with a heavy sign. "Still, we need to get you back. You know they're going to question you, right?"
"I know."
"That's also why I'm here," Rosalie cut in. "I've got fresh clothes for you. Alice says you're to cooperate fully. You waited for the desserts while Edward got the car. When he didn't arrive, you went to look for him and found him under attack. Two men ran and the other two turned to attack you. You injured one and killed the other. You called Alice who called Carlisle and the ambulance. Keep it simple. It was self defense."
I nodded in acknowledgement. "The desserts... I dropped them in front of the restaurant."
"Alice got them. They're at the car. We're to swing by the hospital first, so Carlisle can look at you. You're being treated for shock."
I understood the importance of these details, but she was leaving out the most crucial.
"Edward?" I was almost afraid to ask.
"I don't know the specifics, Jasper. Alice insists he's going to be fine. Okay? She says he's going to be fine." She rubbed her hand over my back.
How could he possibly be fine again after what had happened, even if his body was to heal? The ache in my chest was unbearable.
I let Emmett and Rosalie guide me back to our vehicles and help me change. We rode in silence to the hospital in Port Angeles, but Emmett's hand never left mine, offering his support, lending me his strength when I had none. Alice met us at the hospital and guided us to a room where I had supposedly been taken by Emmett earlier. I waited anxiously for Carlisle, desperate for word on Edward.
He showed up a few minutes later and immediately wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me in a tight hug. "He's going to be fine," he whispered.
"Tell me," I demanded.
Carlisle began listing Edward's medical condition. "The tension pneumothorax was the most serious, but the paramedics arrived quickly and were able to perform a needle decompression right away; they were able to keep it from becoming life threatening. He has several broken ribs, multiple contusions, substantial bruising and a concussion from the head trauma, along with a small subdural hematoma. The attacker was wearing steel toed boots. We've run a CT scan and there's no apparent brain swelling, but he'll be under observation throughout the night. Right now he's prepping for surgery to repair his leg. I'll be performing it."
I felt myself getting weaker and more nauseous with each word he spoke as I listened to him giving the rundown of Edward's injuries. I was bent over double gagging by the time Carlisle had finished speaking. He guided me over to a chair and knelt down in front of me, gripping my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. "He's going to recover. He'll probably have some issues with the closed head injury for a while—short term memory loss, headaches, emotional instability and so forth. The leg will take time to heal, as will the ribs. He'll be in considerable pain, but I see no cause for long term concern."
My mind was reeling; the blood from the elk sloshed uncomfortably in my stomach. I felt like I was going to crawl right out of my skin.
I realized Carlisle was shaking me. "Jasper, listen to me. You've got to pull it together. Let me worry about Edward. Esme drove his parents here, so his family is with him. He's in good hands. Charlie's going to take you to the police station. Esme will be going along. I know you understand how serious this is for us all. Alice can't see what the outcome is going to be, but Charlie believes there's a good chance there will be no charges filed against you if they can verify this was a hate crime. He thinks they're going to find that it was self defense. They've already identified the man you killed. He was recently released from prison and has a previous record of sexual assault. You need to go there and remain calm and let things play out. Can you do that?"
I nodded tersely.
"One of us will be here at all times, I promise you. We'll take care of your boy."
I nodded again and gripped him tightly when he wrapped his arms around me again, burying my face in his chest.
"I love you, son," Carlisle whispered to me.
I waited alone in the Port Angeles police station in a small room with a table and a few chairs. I could hear the faint voices of the officers outside discussing my situation. Charlie, at Esme's behest, was trying to convince them to let me go home to my family for the night while they continued their investigation.
"He's a good kid," Charlie insisted. "He's like family. His sister Alice practically lives at our house."
"We don't doubt that. Fact is, though, we've got a dead man and your boy killed him with his bare hands. Frankly, my men are a little scared of him. Makes them uncomfortable to be in the room alone with him."
"Now I think that's a bit of an over reaction," Charlie countered calmly. "Of course he's on edge. His boyfriend's in the hospital after being beaten practically to death. Then he's attacked too. The doctors had to treat him for shock. I say he's lucky he knew how to defend himself. You've questioned him plenty and if you don't mind me saying, the situation seems pretty cut and dried to me. These boys are the victims here."
I couldn't listen anymore, couldn't deal with the reminder of what had happened to Edward. The rage simmered, ready to bubble over; I knew I could not let it get the best of me. I did the only thing I could think of to calm my fluctuating emotions. I pushed aside the image of Edward, bloodied and beaten, lying on the ground. Instead I remembered his radiant smile, his creamy magnolia skin, the beautiful green of his eyes, the way his rosy lips tasted pressed up against mine… the sound of his heart beat. I cradled the memory, letting it soothe me.
"Here," I told him, placing a pillow on my lap. "Lay your head down and rest." He kicked off his shoes and laid his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes as I read a passage from Song of Myself to him.
I couldn't stop myself from running my fingers through his hair, the strands soft as silk against my skin. I traced his refined features with my fingertips, memorizing the shape of his cheek bones, the slope of his nose, feeling the twitch of his eyes underneath the delicate skin of his eyelids. I ghosted my fingers across his lips and they parted slightly under my touch, a tiny puff of air escaping, warming my hand. I felt the heat from that small breath travel like lightning through my wrist, up my arm, across my shoulder and into my chest, where it lodged itself securely, dispelling the coldness from my heart.
Whitman's erotic words slid from my lips and wrapped themselves around Edward's reposing form. I could see them sink into his skin, setting it aflame. His desire flared and I stilled my hand, letting his emotions buffet me like the cresting wave of the ocean. He opened his eyes and I was lost in the passion of his gaze.
"Hands I have taken, face I have kiss'd, mortal I have ever touch'd, it shall be you," I recited intently, trying to convey how much he meant to me, how deeply I loved him. Edward reached for my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the palm, his loving gesture scorching my flesh.
"It shall be you," I repeated in a whisper, knowing with certainty that there never could be another. He was mine and I was his, just as sure as the sun would rise and set in the sky.
Edward swallowed and whispered to me, "I'd really like to kiss you now."
My heart clenched. "Then kiss me," I responded with a sigh, marveling that this precious boy could want me the way I wanted him. He sat up and lightly placed his lips against mine, barely touching me. It hardly mattered. That gentle touch set my entire body ablaze and I wanted to crush him to me and meld us into one.
He reached out his hand to trace my features as I had done to his, calling me beautiful. I didn't understand how he could see me that way, as if I were the prize instead of he, but I was grateful for it.
"You're the beautiful one," I said to him, enraptured by his verdant gaze.
"Tell me again," he entreated and I could feel the ache, the love, the want. So exquisite. Perfect.
"I love you, Edward," I whispered and kissed him again.
I was roused from my memories by loud voices outside the door. I went rigid as I recognized the scent of the new arrivals. My body started to shake and I closed my hands into tight fists, willing myself to stay seated. I felt Esme's alarm and heard her whisper of, "Please, Jasper." She undoubtedly knew how close I was to jeopardizing everything. They may not have inflicted the most damage to my beautiful boy, but they had willingly left him to be violated… to die for all they knew. Why should I not kill them? Why should I not tear their throats out with my razor sharp teeth? Why should I not take them far away and leave them to bleed, afraid and alone?
I heard one of the officers talking to Charlie. "The bartender downtown said they were in with our DOA and another guy earlier in the evening. These two are regulars. They were all causing trouble, harassing some customers, and he threw the four of them out."
"We were just going to rough him up a little," one of the men was saying. "I had no idea Larry was going to go crazy like that, kicking the shit out of the little faggot. That's not what I signed up for. I didn't want any part of that business, so I left." He spoke as if he thought he should be absolved of all wrongdoing. My fury was escalating. I had to stop listening or I was going to snap.
"Race you up the stairs," he said with a laugh, dashing for the staircase, trying to get a head start. I laughed as I caught him around the waist and we stumbled up the stairs together.
"Now who's the cheater?" I asked with a smile, reveling in his laughter, his face so radiant. Glowing. Beautiful. I was... happy.
"Those two queers practically had their tongues down each other's throats right in the middle of the street. Fucking disgusting. Nobody wants to see that shit. We were just planning to teach him some manners."
I had been aching to touch him for so long, wanting to worship every inch of his skin, to feel him against my body, long and lean and hard and soft and, oh, so beautiful. I thought back to that day when he traced my scars with his fingers and touched my skin with his lips… his soft supple lips. My body had been warm from the shower before combusting under Edward's tender attentions. I hoped the water would once again disguise the icy nature of my skin. I didn't know how it was possible I had gone so long without touching him, but I knew I could not go a single moment longer.
We stripped methodically and the air crackled with electricity. His eyes never left mine and I could feel his excitement, his anticipation, his arousal. My fingers twitched, eager to touch him, but I stood there eyeing his body hungrily, letting him take in the strength of my desire as it jutted out from between my legs.
"Nice," he breathed out, appreciatively and I chuckled at his awed tone, a heady joy beginning to fill me knowing that in just minutes we would finally be naked in each other's arms.
"We didn't fucking do anything. It was all Larry and Kevin. You should be out looking for Kevin instead of keeping us here. We didn't fucking do anything. Just pushed him around a little and then we left. Larry and Kevin are the ones that fucking beat the kid."
We touched and kissed and touched under the spray of the water, our bodies moving together as if they had always known the other, as if they were finally home.
I was finally home.
"Edward, Edward, Edward," I panted in his ear as my hands roamed over his body and my hips ground into his. "You don't know how I've ached to touch you, to feel you like this."
"Then touch me. Feel me. I'm yours, Jasper. All yours."
Mine.
I trembled, overwhelmed by the intensity of my hunger, my desire, my love for this beautiful boy.
My beautiful boy.
"Just got word that a fellow with a broken arm showed up in Port Townsend at Jefferson General. We'll be bringing him in for questioning, but it's a pretty good bet he's our fourth guy. We're going to send your boy home until we get all this sorted out, but he's to stay close to home. You go get some sleep; there won't be any decisions made tonight."
The door to the room opened and Esme hurried to my side. I stood up and she wrapped her arms around me, holding me close. "Come with me. Charlie's going to drop us back at the hospital."
I nodded and followed her out of the building to the cruiser. I sat in the back, staring blankly out the window while Charlie and Esme quietly discussed the situation and what Charlie thought the outcome would be.
We were lying on the couch, our lips swollen from kissing, his groin pressing down into mine, rubbing and rocking, thrusting against each other. I moaned as the sensations sent waves of desire through us both.
"I'm so in love with you Jasper," he said breathily. "I never knew anything could feel as wonderful as this." He leaned over to kiss me softly on the lips as he ground his hips hard into mine. I groaned loudly into his mouth and reached up to touch his beautiful face, whispering, "I love you too, Edward. So much..." Words would never be enough to convey the depths of my feeling for him.
"I want you to make love to me," he told me, staring deep into my eyes as he continued to thrust against me. "I want you to be the first man to ever take me. The only one. I want to feel you buried deep inside my body, filling me completely."
"Oh, God… Edward," I moaned, closing my eyes tightly and thrashing my head from side to side.
"I want to be yours completely, in every way."
I reached up my hands to grip his shoulders and gently pushed, trying to dislodge him. "You have to stop. You're going to make me come," I gasped out.
"I want you to, Jasper. I want to watch your face as you come," he told me earnestly and I shivered with desire.
"I can't," I groaned out. "I can't ever lose control with you. I'm afraid to lose control."
I felt a surge of love from him, bright and pure and beautiful "You don't ever have to be afraid with me, Jasper. Let go. I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."
I closed my eyes in pain. That's something I should have been able to promise him. What good was I, if even with my unnatural strength and speed I couldn't protect the one I loved above all others?
"Jasper?" Esme's voice cut quietly through my thoughts. I looked up, startled to find we were already here. As we walked down the hall I heard voices arguing in low tones.
"I don't understand why he'd risk everything for a human boy."
"Edward's his mate, Rosalie. That's why." Carlisle's voice was firm.
"His mate?" she repeated, surprised. "That's impossible. He's a human!" I could hear the incredulity in her voice
"Impossible or not, I believe it to be true," Carlisle countered.
They stopped speaking when we entered the room. My eyes went to Carlisle immediately, questioning him.
"He's resting. He's still sedated. His mother is in with him, and Alice."
"Can I see him?" I asked.
He nodded and cocked his head towards the door, motioning for me to follow him.
Edward lay on the hospital bed asleep. He was barely recognizable, his face swollen and covered in bruises. Tubes and wires and machines were everywhere. His mother was curled in a chair next to the bed fast asleep. Alice stood up when I entered the room and came over to wrap her arms around my waist, squeezing me tighty. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, and I felt her tumultuous emotions assailing me—her guilt, her anger, her sorrow, her compassion… her love. I gritted my teeth under the onslaught.
"Can you give me a few minutes alone with him, please?" I asked. She nodded against my chest, squeezing me hard one last time then slipping from the room.
I walked over to the bed and shut my eyes, listening to his breathing, the steady beat of his heart.
"Edward," I groaned. "Sweet, sweet Edward. My beautiful boy. You don't understand. I'm afraid I'll hurt you." I could never risk losing control around him, never chance the monster breaking free. I was terrified to give myself over to pleasure, afraid that during my climax I would instinctively sink my teeth into his throat, destroying that which I loved more than anything.
"You could never hurt me, Jasper," he reassured me, staring deep into my eyes. "I know you. You would never, ever hurt me. Let yourself go. I'll be right here, watching over you."
He did watch over me. He filled me with his love, his passion, his desire, his trust, his faith. As our bodies moved together and his sure gaze held mine, I believed him. I put my trust in him and gave myself over, putting myself in his hands. I let myself truly believe for the first time that it was possible for me to be his mate. Our mingled emotions coursed through me and I threw back my head as I was propelled to a place of unparalleled pleasure.
I opened my eyes and the vision of Edward, his face flushed with pleasure, his eyes dark with desire was replaced by his still form, battered and broken and bruised. I wanted to turn back time and tell Edward I couldn't bear to part from him even for the time it would take for him to get the car. I wanted to turn back time and tell him I'd retrieve the car while he ordered the desserts. I wanted to turn back time and answer Alice's call on the first ring.
An eternity before me and a century and a half stretching behind me and the only minutes that mattered were the few that had changed everything. I would give anything for the chance to redo them, anything to go back to those moments when I truly believed. Anything to return to that sweet slice of heaven that had interrupted my endless night.
The scent of blood was still strong in the air, even after drying and turning to rust. Venom pooled in my mouth while my rage burned under the surface, my monstrous self making itself known, telling me any illusions I had that I had conquered my evil nature were just that… illusions.
I had thought there was nothing I could possibly ever do better than loving Edward Masen. I knew now I was wrong; I would always excel at the kill.
Chapter 14 | Masterpost | Poetry
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